Illuminating Manhood: An Electrician's Path to Redefining Strength

[00:00:00] At the end of this podcast episode with my guest Sean Robinson, you'll be able to understand the benefits of changing how you see yourself, learn how to enact effective and real change in your life and learn effective strategies for habit building. If you want to skip the get to know you portion of the show, timestamps are in the description below.

Check out this thought from Sean and let's get into it. The most important thing is that we're all going through every version of this and that it's possible to come through. You deserve it. Um, give yourself a credit and just Pick out at one, one small piece at a time.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question. In this podcast, we'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible [00:01:00] Man Podcast.

Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. Your home for all things, man, husband and father. Big shout out to Fallible Nation. That's our private community. And there's more about that. If you're interested down in the show notes or the description, whatever platform you're joining us on today, a warm welcome to our first time listeners.

Hey, we know there's a lot out there, so thanks for taking the time to check us out, be sure and leave us a comment or review or reach out to me at the fallible man on most social media platforms. Love to hear what you thought of the show. My name is Brent and today my special guest is author and speaker Sean Robinson.

Sean, welcome to the Fallible Man podcast. Hi Brent. Uh, thanks for having me. I'm, uh, I'm happy to be here. I've been listening to your show a long time. I'm really, uh, really proud to be on it. I appreciate that, man. I do. So you know we like to start out a little lighter. So how's your trivia? Um, it's, it's getting better.

It's getting better. Here's today's show question. [00:02:00] How long is the border between the United States and Canada? Is it A, 3, 525 miles? B, 4, 525 miles? C, 5, 525 miles, or D, 6, 525 miles? Um, I'm gonna go with B. Alright, he has answered 5, 525 miles. Now guys, you know the rules. Don't cheat, and for God's sake, if you're driving, please do not write down your answer.

Just remember it, and we'll get back to that later in the show. Now Sean, as you know, I don't do huge introductions. But today, before we dig into your story, today in this moment, who is Sean Robinson in your own words? Um, Sean Robinson is, is just someone that is constantly growing. And this has not always been who I am.

Um, there was a long time I was very much stuck in my own mind, and [00:03:00] Um, the person today is someone that's open to change, open to that growth, and a different perspective that I wasn't so used to hearing before. Um, I'm a father of three kids, under 10 years old, life is very busy, and, um, The perspective I have with that lifestyle that I have now is different than the way I grew up and the way that I thought I had to, to be, um, as I developed into that husband father figure that, uh, that I had as an example.

Sean, you have three under 10. You do have a busy household. Yes, it's, uh, some days it's, well, it's never quiet, but some days are better than others. I was going to say, if you say it's quiet, I'm going to call you a liar right now. I have two that are 11 and nine and life is chaotic just with the two of them.

Three under 10. That's a, that's a tall order. Yeah. It's busy. [00:04:00] The, uh, the two older boys, eight and 10, and then the youngest is three and a half and a little girl and she keeps everybody in check. Sean, do you like Harry Potter? I, I do, I'm getting more into it with my, with my oldest, I've, I've seen all the movies.

Um, Okay. Yeah. I'm prepped for this question. What house does the Sorting Hat put you in? I would say the Sorting Hat puts me probably in the, in the, in the Gryffindor. Gryffindor? I think so. Okay. I, I, I have a Gryffindor kid and a Hufflepuff. My kids know exactly what they are. My wife played some kids, like, I don't know, something on their phone.

And they all took this quiz. It's like, dad, you need to take this quiz. I was like, no, I'm going to be a Slytherin. Just like your uncle, just like your aunt. Well, that's what I was going to say, but I wasn't, it wasn't too sure [00:05:00] between the two. Uh, I was gonna say you just don't want to put that on, on air, right?

It's kind of, yeah, expose myself. Uh, I, well, I threw it out there. I'm, I don't know. I know my siblings are both Slytherin. So John orange juice. Some pulp, no pulp. I go with some pulp. I think, uh, it's, it's just too chewy when you have a full, full pulp. If you had to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

I think I go with pizza. I think there's, there's enough variety there. It, uh, I could change it up a bit. Okay. A good answer. I like that. Pizza is a general foods that works. I don't know. Ah, no one, no one's come up with like a variance on that. So yeah, I like it. Zombie apocalypse, what is your weapon of choice?

Weapon of choice? Um, a [00:06:00] big fan of zombie land, so that I automatically think zombie land when you say that. Um, and, uh, I think something with, um, the guns and stuff, you need ammunition. You don't always have it. So I think something like, uh, a baseball bat or something, uh, that you, you can rely on, uh, if you run out of ammo.

Okay. I knew we were going to get along. I'm I love zombie land. Like I've seen it. I don't know. I don't want to say a hundred times, but in the background sometimes I'll, I'll be working at my desk and I'll just turn it on in the background and listen to it while I'm working, I'm not really listening to it, but it's just that yay soundtrack I can get behind.

That's right. My daughter is waiting. She's like, dad, am I old enough to watch the zombie land with you yet? No, not yet. You're 10. No, I do have to draw a line somewhere. What about the sequel? Do you acknowledge the [00:07:00] sequel or no? I had mixed feelings about the sequel. Um, it had it's good points, it had it's bad points.

Uh, but I had mixed feelings about the sequel for sure. You? Yeah, same. I think I was, because of the first one, I was so excited for the sequel that maybe my excitement was too much and, and then I was just kind of let down a little bit by, I don't know, I have a thing with sequels to begin with. I just think they try and cash off of the success of whatever the first one is.

But, uh, I liked it for the characters, but definitely wasn't as good as the first. I, I would agree. I, I'm a hard judge on sequels. If I like the first movie, I'm really, like, I get excited, but I'm also very hesitant about a sequel because rarely do they ever live up to the first one. Boondock Saints. I don't know if you're a fan, but the sequel, I can't.

I, I can't. It wasn't as good as the original one, for sure. I still watch it, but I watch [00:08:00] the original one a lot more often. Those are two of my go to movies. Like, we're gonna be good friends. We just bonded forever. That's right. What purchase of a hundred dollars or less have you made in the last year that's had the biggest impact on your life?

A hundred dollars or less, I would say some of my microphone equipment. Um, just, just learning to, to grow into this, the speaking space and, and thinking I had to, to spend crazy money on best quality equipment, but, you know, a couple of 20, 30 things on Amazon, and you've got some lighting, some microphone, it's, it's not as, uh, It's not as stressful and it's not as expensive as I thought.

Be careful, once you start, it's like an addiction to keep growing, right? I started out with one mic, and then I upgraded this one, right? Be careful. It's one of those things, once you start climbing, you're like, Oh! You start watching [00:09:00] interviews you've done, and you're like, I should tweak this. Oh, I didn't.

You know what? This would look better here. Yeah, I saw it. I'm an electrician, construction, background, I have already a natural for buying way too much things and upgrading to tools and just stuff I don't need. It's, uh, I'm a complex for that already, so I'm doomed. This will add, for sure, for sure. What was your favorite subject in school?

Favorite subject in school? I really enjoyed, um, geography. I really enjoyed, like, uh, tourism class in, like, grade 9 or 10 and, and, uh, just learning about the world or, or whatever. It was, uh, it was one of my favorite ones. And then, uh, I guess with the same teacher, but I had a, lifelines course and it was basically like an outdoor education and for a full semester in high school, we did outdoorsy stuff.

We did, we camped in the snow. We, we did canoe trips and [00:10:00] learned first aid and got our chainsaw certifications and it was, it was a really cool course. I like it. My school didn't have one of those. I feel gypped now. I like that one course. It was a grade 12, right at the end of high school. It was, it was really cool.

I still keep in touch with a lot of the friends I had in that class. And we, we, we go back to some memories and talk about it often. It's been, yeah, I'm digging just the whole concept of the class. That's a good idea. I like it. What's one thing that people don't know about you? Just some random fact. Uh, I think random facts.

Uh, as much as I grew up in that hard rock listening kind of environment, uh, I, I will dig into some pop music and just jam out to, I don't want to say Taylor Swift, cause not really in that realm, but just throw on some, some pop music and jam out. Have, uh, your kids found trolls yet? Uh, yes, my [00:11:00] daughter, three, three and a half, she, uh.

Loves trolls. Um, we went to see the newest one when it came out, it was her first time going to the theater and a huge, huge poppy fan, huge trolls fan. So we've, we watched them all, uh, all the time, right now she's into the Grinch. So, um, the Grinch animated one is, is still on repeat constantly. I think, uh, people don't understand that about being a dad.

Like you have to learn to be eclectic. With your taste on things or you lose your mind. I'm pretty sure. Right, I, I, oh, the Trolls music would have driven me insane. That it's like, I got two little girls and they adore it. It's, it's adapt or lose my mind is one of the two. Yeah. And when you, when you see like my three year old yesterday, even was, was like going around the house singing.

Get back up again and she was falling on the floor and saying, getting back [00:12:00] up again and walking around the house and falling down and get back up again. Like obviously that message that, that, that they're teaching through that, that part of this, the movie and that song is huge and she's getting it. But you know, how cute is that?

Like, I'll watch that movie every, you know, all the time and then over again, just, just for those moments. What's something everyone should know about you before we dig into the subject of today's show? I think, uh, You know, I'm not perfect. So I don't admit to knowing everything and everything that I speak about is just something that, that I've learned through what I've lived through.

And when I speak out about it in my content or here, it's, it's not to tell people how to do it. It's just what, what I've gone through and what's worked for me. Well, Hey, you're on the right channel then, because we're all about being fallible here. Guys, we've been getting to know Sean a little bit, just who he is and what he's about.

And the next part of the show, we're going to dive into changing your identity. We're going to roll to our sponsor and we'll be right back with more from Sean Robinson. Are you tired of [00:13:00] tossing and turning at night? Searching for that elusive perfect pillow or just better bedding in general? Well, look no further.

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And this part of the show, we're going to talk about changing your identity. And. I'll give you more context on that as we go on guys, but Sean, where I really want to start is let's start with Sean's story, right? How we ended up here. Let's start with your story of how you ended up doing what you're doing today.

All right. Uh, so, so my story. Um, I never felt like it was, it was a unique story. I just felt like my [00:15:00] version of it was, uh, something that I could share both for my growth and for who I used to be. So my parents, young, um, they were married when they were 20, um, had me when they were, you know, a year or two later, 22 years old.

I have two younger brothers. Basically, we grew up with that young lifestyle. They had friends, socials, drinks, parties, kind of all the time, neighbors. It was, it was respectable, respectful, but it was just an environment that I grew up where it was alcohol was around. I was used to, um, you know, the drinks. I knew how to mix a Ryan Coke when I was eight, nine years old.

Um, I wasn't drinking them, but it was all just part of that helping my parents, being around. So I grew up in an environment that I think I've learned a lot of people have, and as harmless as it was, it just gave me a vision of what I was supposed to be like when I got to that point. So as I grew up with my own habits, my own routines, Alcohol became a big part of it.

[00:16:00] And, uh, when I started working in construction, I'm an electrician. I got into the fire department as a volunteer. Uh, I've done that for 20 years now. But, you know, those masculine environments, the social part of drinking, the environment that it was in, it was just The habits around it kind of held me back in a lot of ways.

And, and the way that that came out was I had always had a weight problem as well and, and up and down as we, we deal with. And I found myself in at a point where I was at my worst. It was, I was 320 pounds. It was the first year of COVID. Uh, my drinking routine got a lot worse because, you know, we weren't going out anywhere and I got to that point at 320 pounds where I just needed something to change.

And when I made that decision, it came through doing things that I had never done before. I started journaling [00:17:00] and as much as I didn't call it journaling, it was a place that I could just vent. I could write things down. I could beat myself up. I could say whatever I wanted and I didn't have to justify it.

I didn't have to tell, um, you know, somebody. Why I felt that way. I didn't have to back it up in any way. And it was, it was a place that I could write it down and hide it, set it on fire, whatever. And then come back to it if I want. It was, it was like, but it was not somewhere I could talk about. It wasn't something I could open up to because The construction group I was with, the firefighters, the masculine, toxic masculine environment.

I just felt like I had to hide that, fix it myself, figure it out. So to start 2021, I made a decision to just do some things to make me healthier. And removing alcohol was a big part of, of how I could start to not eat as bad, or stay up as late, or eat or drink as much. And then. [00:18:00] How could I challenge that person and be different than I was used to was my biggest hurdle and Working through that journaling and working through changing that identity that I had before and that thought that I couldn't fix it Was was impossible in the moment for me Without being able to open up being able to ask the questions being able to talk about it To the people that I was around now We're talking about changing your identity and you saw something yourself that you thought, I need to change this, right?

So who did you see yourself as at that point? The. You went, uh, no, I don't want this. Honestly, as I was growing, um, I had my, my dad, there was a lot of moments [00:19:00] that, there was, there was just a lot, he's a mechanic, and he worked in the garage, he had a lot of friends, and, and as they'd come over, they sometimes would pay him with alcohol, and they'd have their drinks, and there was a lot of moments where he'd get, you know, there'd be some aggression, there'd be some, some stuff that just, I didn't like as a kid and I found myself becoming a version of that and, and that was a huge part of, of my biggest reason to change.

Like my, my daughter was born a couple months before I made this decision to change and it was part of the decision, but it was like, like, I just didn't like the version that I was becoming. My, my patience level, I was yelling more, um, aggression and a lot of things that. Just because I didn't like it as a child, I was realizing that it was, it was like a holy crap moment that like, I was, I was becoming that person I didn't like.

So we actually talked a little bit before the show and [00:20:00] getting ready for the episode. And one of the things you mentioned was, you know, a lot of people have that come to Jesus moment that just like life altering. And it's usually something really extreme, right? It's a giant health scare or something like that, that quote unquote scares people straight or something like that.

You said it was patterns that you were developing. So that goes with that aggression and the drinking. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. There was, there was just a lot of different things with my weight, with my drinking habits, with, you know, obviously all the, the, the expense and money that comes with those, those routines and, and what you buy and, and, and then becoming that, that person that, that wasn't patient and, and, and wasn't understanding and didn't.

And holding on to that, like generational traumas or old generational habits that I grew up with that I felt I had to maintain it was, it was a culmination of a lot of different things that was like, do I really want to [00:21:00] recreate the environment I grew up in? Or do I want to, you know, stop that now, change the narrative and become something better, become something different.

And in the beginning, like, None of that was on my mind. Like I didn't realize how these all linked together. It was just, I'm upset at 320 pounds. I'm miserable. I'm negative, cynical, just finding the worst in everything. And my biggest thing to change was just not liking the person I had become. The rest of the things I would learn along the way.

And how related they all were, um, was, was my biggest Jesus moment. It was my biggest mind blowing, um, realization that, you know, by changing one small thing, one piece at a time, I could compound it all together over a period of time. And it's interesting. Now, let me clarify for some of our listeners, because [00:22:00] not all of them have the, uh, trades background.

We're not saying all people in the trades are Alcoholics are that, uh, it's, there's an extreme to anything, right? I will say. So one of the reasons I actually was, I was in the electrical program for years. I was in the IBEW here in the United States, uh, for 15 years, 14 years. Uh, my brother's actually an electrician.

And so, you know, I spent a lot of time in the trades and I had a lot of people ask me why I didn't become like, I did low voltage work, And they asked me, it's like, well, why don't you join the apprenticeship and become a full blown electrician, one of the commercial electricians. And I always found an excuse.

Cause I haven't, like, I have an unfriendly reaction with electricity. If there's a way to electrocute myself, it's going to happen. Guys like me and electricity. Like [00:23:00] I, I, wow. Yeah. I can rip off the stories on that one. So I didn't stay in a voltage that's not likely to kill me. For my safety. And that's what I would tell everybody.

But the truth was with a lot of the commercial electricians I knew is I saw this reoccurring, just theme of guys with broken families, broken homes, who drank too much party too often, and we're always on the road. And I didn't want that in my life, but people who aren't in those groups don't understand there's a lot of pressure to go along and be part of that culture.

If you're in the trades, would you agree? Definitely the the lifestyle Um, and then it follows any any group in any career path There's just different lifestyle expectations if you will and and yeah in the trades it was like it was assumed you'd go out after after work and [00:24:00] drink or whatever and and Monday mornings, it was your sort of hangover stories Everybody in the trailer on the site would share how they spent their weekend and you know Then what kind of trouble they got up to or whatever.

And, and I don't want to say a running joke, but, uh, it's like, and I'm in the IBW here as well. It's like a running joke is you have to be a dad to be in the union. And the dad is, you have to have a DUI. You have to have an addiction and a divorce.

I saw that a lot. I actually almost lost a job. I was doing a big commercial project and I almost lost the job. My journeyman friend who I worked on with on multiple projects was like, Rent, you, you have to come drinking with us at least once a week, preferably twice. And because I hit this point where it was like, I don't, Hey, I wasn't making the kind of money because I wasn't, you know, far enough along in my career where I was making money to throw away.

And I was working with a lot of people who were travelers at the time who are getting per diem and extra money to [00:25:00] be there for living expenses because they were out of their area who had come over with this company. Right. So they're getting. A they're getting a higher pay scale because they're from a bigger area than I am And they're getting per diem to be there, right?

So they're they they got money to throw away They're staying in a hotel next to a casino And so you can imagine every night was there Yeah, and I was told like brent like there's some real uneasiness like they don't trust you And I've tried to explain it to him. It's like look he's the lowest paid guy here And he's not like like He said, I can tell him I don't, cause my friend was single.

He's like, you know, I don't mind going out with you guys. I got nothing else to do is that go home to a dog, but Brent's got a family and kids and he wants to go home and see them. And like, it was actually like, I almost lost that job. And so I talked to my wife and I started having to go out twice a week with these guys.

Now he didn't make it where I didn't have to pay for the drinks. He was [00:26:00] like, you don't pay when you're here. Cause all of us get paid twice what you do. I was like, thank you. I, it's cause I really can't afford this, but sure. And he said, you have to stay for at least an hour. And so twice a week, I went drinking with them for an hour, I had one or two drinks, and then I left.

But I had to do it to keep my job. They were literally going to fire me. Because I didn't fit. Yeah, and when they're on the road, their wife and kids aren't there. And that's a huge hurdle if you're a local. You've got that responsibility at home where, where they don't, they can go out all the time. And, and that is in an environment that, you know, is still, it still exists.

It's like, even on the fire department, it's not about the drinking, but that camaraderie and that like relationship, and especially trusting each other and, and, and just, Having something to talk about or something that's in common where, yeah, you build that trust and, and it is a lot of pressure to [00:27:00] maintain a lifestyle that maybe you don't want to, or.

Or can't live. So to, for me, even to change that narrative for myself was, was a huge pressure point. Especially in the beginning when I didn't have any tools. And didn't have the mentality to open up about it. Especially to those people that were wanting me to go out or, or just kind of the same situation.

So, I just, you, you were talking about being an electrician. It's like, Oh yeah, yeah. I remember that. And it was hard. Like it's, it's half the reason I left the trades easily. If not more, it's like, no, no, I just don't, this is not life I want. And being there, like it becomes a good old boy club. She'd stay in it long enough.

You get to know everybody. in the local and everybody who works for the local companies that you could be dispatched to. And pretty [00:28:00] soon, like you're building, you're living on a reputation and you've got to keep up certain appearances or nobody wants to work with you anymore. Yeah. And, and I have since moved up, uh, into like management and it's, it's a whole different, uh, different realm.

So why do you think it's difficult for people to shake off old identities when they, when they start going, you know what? Actually, let's back that up because let's start with how do most people define their own identities? I think the the best definition is is we just we believe that we know who we are or who we're supposed to be by The habits and routines and lifestyles we have if you know If we come from a certain place or we or we have a certain, you know group of friends like we have to just You Stay in that pocket and live what we're used to do, do what we're used [00:29:00] to doing.

Um, and to be different than that, especially, you know, from my background with construction, as we're saying, it's just not, people aren't being different than that. Like I hear you got characters on the port a potty walls or on the lunch tables, if you're different than the next person or yeah, your, your potential to lose your job because you don't.

Go out with them like, like everybody else. It's just being different is, is too much in the spotlight and there's too much attention brought negatively to that person. So for, for someone to come out of that, uh, and be different. The, the, the reason that we stay is there's just way too much pressure to change.

There's way too much pressure to stay the same that we believe that identity is just who we're supposed to be. Like my biggest excuse, and it was an excuse, I know now it was an excuse, was, this is just who I am. Like I defended any decision I made, any lifestyle I had, the fact that I was 320 pounds, or the attitude, so [00:30:00] negative, negative, it was, ah, this is just who I am, so I, I gotta deal with it.

You gotta deal with it. But that was, like, I'm ashamed of that now, in a way, because it was the worst thing I could have said to myself. I think one of the biggest things I see with a lot of men, right, when we're having this conversation with other men, is men like to identify with what they do, right?

That's a huge part of who we are. are how we see ourselves, where we're from, and then usually our economic background are three of the big places where men seem to draw their identity. And I think part of the reason we lean into what we do is this one of the only things we can change, right? We can't change our economic background.

We can't change, uh, where we're from, but we can change what we do. into something we're proud of doing. But that's where a lot of [00:31:00] our value and identity seems to come from as men, do you think? Or am I wrong? No, no, it does. And to add to that, like we, we were taught that we have to fix it ourself. Like we're taught that you're not a man if you don't just suck it up and deal with it or figure it out.

But to, to reach out and to be vulnerable. Um, and I was in this world for so long. It's like, I just, I can't talk about it or I can't open up about it. Or I can't listen to that podcast or read that book because it's going to just show someone that I'm weak. It's going to show someone that I, I'm not figuring it out on my own, or I can't fix it myself.

And another thing I kept telling myself was like, I know what I have to do. I just have to do it. The problem is I thought I knew what I had to do. And I thought that I knew how to do it, but I didn't realize it. What I didn't know until I started to learn more about those things and to, to get outside of that space was to become something I didn't, I didn't know about or who, [00:32:00] who I could be.

I think for a lot of men, it comes down to you have to find a sense of urgency about something different. Right. You mentioned your daughter was just born and you started seeing these patterns in your life that you had a negative experience with as a kid growing up. And that need to be the dad who had a different relationship and a different environment for his kids seems to have started to overwhelm the I'm comfortable here for you.

I think that's what men have to shift the value proposition. What's more important in their head, I think before they're starting to willing to have that conversation about change and growth. Yep. And then, I mean, generationally we're, we're in a different world right now as, as, you know, we always are like that's constant change.

We naturally I think, try to [00:33:00] hold on to what we're used to and. You know, just say music for an example. Like I mentioned that I'll dig into some pop music now and then, but like, I grew up with rock and roll. So it was like, I had to maintain that. And I saw everybody, you see, like, you like the music you like, like I live in the nineties grunge, you know, realm a lot of the times, and I go back there more than I go anywhere else.

And to listen to new music is, is something that's difficult for me because I don't want to, or I don't relate to it. So it's like. You know, take that example for, for most things, it's like, we don't, we don't change our perspective because we're used to where we live and we're used to what we're used to doing and listening to.

So it's like, you know, to have a different thought because we're dealing with our kids as a different generation, you know, I didn't have, we didn't have the tablets and the internet the way they do now. So am I going to, you know, not let them do that or not find a way to adapt to the [00:34:00] way they're used to?

Society is right now, or am I going to hold on to my old beliefs or my old things and then have firm stance and hold them back in that way? So it was like, yeah, I was becoming something because I was holding on to old mindsets and old things that, that there was just no, I wasn't adapting. I wish Sarah was on guys.

If you're listening, you know, Sarah usually engineers the show. She's not on with me right now. We're recording. I wish she was on for this part of the conversation because we have laughed about this so many times. Let me guess the music you fall back on is the sixth grade to ninth grade era of your life.

It's, uh, pretty well, I think pretty well that, that, uh, That, that generation, uh, for me, um, I'm turning 40 this year. I'm, I'm a lot of rage against the machine and blink 182 and Pearl Jam. Right. It's [00:35:00] what you were listening to, right? In the right. So very well read ninth grade. I don't know what it is about that.

Apparently that was like a formula of time for your music. Because that's what I I'm 44. I just turned 44 a couple of weeks ago in December. That's what I fall back on sixth grade and ninth grade. I was a Seattle or North of Seattle kid. I grew up listening to Nirvana when they were still a grunge band.

On the like scene before they got their first album Uh, so I grew up right in the era of launching grunge with nirvana and stuntable pilots and sound garden and yeah Krill jam and and that's what I fall back on and that's a pretty impressive genre and era right like To go into a lot of stuff that I know this is the generational argument all the time, but like, I mean, that's a good landing spot.

I'm happy there. I actually did grow up with some benefit. My best friend, his mom was [00:36:00] really into broadening his mind on stuff as far as music. So we'd actually, they had a pool table in their basement. And we'd listen to Stevie Ray Vaughan and Jimi Hendrix. And so we got that era of music in there to, uh, Creedence, Creedence, Clearwater revival.

So. In that same age group, I, I started, I started listening to those and I still listen to those as well. Like everything I listened to in that age group is I got a couple other bands I've added since then. Most of them come from that era. Yeah. I was going to say, but that example, like we, we just find that spot that we like to live in using music as an example, but like, for me, it was like, I was so used to being a certain way.

So to change out of that. Was uncomfortable because I didn't have a good concept of where I was headed or what I could be like change is scary, man People don't people don't want to say it [00:37:00] right because change is the only constant in life really And so people we were like, oh, that's stupid change it Really like humans are terrified of change.

We like our consistent routine or how many people are like, Oh, I fly by the seat of my pants and I remember big plans. I shut up. If you actually look at your day to day life, the majority of what you do, you do on autopilot and it's the same things. Like you may, you know, just randomly decide I'm going to go do this tonight.

But the majority of your day looks the same every single day because it's safe and comfortable. And we don't know how to do anything about it. And the, like, When I started learning more about habits and habit structure and, and how to go about change, it was like, you know, keeping track of it every day, doing it for 100 days, whatever, and like consistent, you know, the math [00:38:00] that I've been able to do with all of the things I've been able to, to change and, and, and grow.

It was like, It works so much with everything to, to do it that way. And then small pieces and it's like, we don't know that stuff. So until we, we learn about it, we're happy being, or maybe we're not happy, but we stay where we are because it's easy. But it's also easy to change. It's also easy to work on it.

It just can't be something massive. It has to be those small pieces and over a period of time and have patience. And it's like, once we learn how that works, you know, we feel a bit better. I think we feel a bit better about how to go about change guys. That's perfect. Segway. We've been talking about changing your identity and how there comes a point in your life where you look at who you are now.

And you may need to make some changes, right? And some people need that kind of Jesus moment. And some people notice certain trends or certain [00:39:00] things they saw earlier in their life, like Sean did and go, uh, it's not really where I want to go in the next part of the show, we're going to dive into growth mindset and change.

How do you actually successfully start making the changes in your life that you want to, that we're all uncomfortable with because it's new, it's different. It's not our wheelhouse. We're going to roll our response over and we'll be right back with more from Sean Robinson. Struggling to catch quality Z's at night?

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com unlock a sweet 30 percent discount on your order using the code fallible. Don't wait any longer to upgrade your sleep quality. Let's make tonight the start of a better sleep and a better day is ahead. Now let's dive back into the show. Welcome back in the first part or in the last part of the show, we were discussing your identity and how sometimes it's time for a change, right?

We get to a place in our life and it's time to change it up a little bit and become the next iteration of ourselves. This part of the show, we're going to talk about creating a growth mindset and how to actually start to affect change in our lives, because as much as we like to say, Hey, change is everything.

We still get a little uncomfortable with it now, Sean, for our listeners who may not be familiar with it, let's, what is a growth mindset? The growth mindset is, and, and, uh, Carol Dweck's book mindset is one [00:41:00] of my favorites, but a growth mindset is essentially just being open to different ways of doing things, being open to growth, accepting.

new information, trying things that maybe you didn't try before, just being open to growth. Now that sounds simple enough, but yeah, it seems to be a headache for a lot of us. And I think it, part of it falls back. We were talking in the last segment a little bit about we get comfortable, right? Uh, complacency just kills us.

We, we get into this groove and do our thing. But for some reason, we tend to start closing ourselves off to new ideas. We illustrated music or discussion, right? My wife can tell you depending on which restaurant we go to exactly what I'm ordering. Because I'm eating the same exact thing at the same restaurant every single time.[00:42:00]

My wife's like trying everything. Oh, they have new stuff on the menu. I'm like, I don't care. Double cheeseburger with fries. Yeah. And my wife is the opposite. She's she knows what she wants, but I'm like, no, I want to look at the menu. Like what do they have now? Like it may be the same restaurant, big box restaurant, but it's like, they might have something different.

What's the special

Right. It's a, it tends to be that way with couples, like one of the, yeah, it kind of flip flops, but it tends to be that way with couples. There's usually one that's very stuck on that. And one that's just like, let's try everything. I'm always like mind blown when we can go through like a drive through and my wife has to read the menu.

It's McDonald's. And then it hasn't changed in 40 years. It's McDonald's. Oh, they might have new stuff. Right. So for some people, a growth mindset comes a little bit easier. For some of us, we got to [00:43:00] work at it, right? How do we start to move off that? I'm I'm going to do it the way I've always done it, the way I'm comfortable doing it and start moving into opening up our minds a little bit more.

I think, I think the biggest thing is realizing that it can't be the biggest thing, right? If I think about losing a hundred pounds. That's a big number. I've done that now, but it wasn't something that happened in a day, a week. It was three years in the making. So if we think about growth mindset as taking things down in smaller pieces one day at a time and those cliches about it, then we can build one day at a time better than we can build at that three year mark.

For more speaking from my, my background here. So the growth mindset in, in smaller pieces is a lot easier to achieve than [00:44:00] climbing that mountain or losing that, that amount of weight or changing your entire identity. Now you, you've successfully, I don't, my voice just broke. Wow. It's a good morning. Um, You successfully changed your identity drastically from where this conversation started.

And from where you came from, you made what people would call radical changes to your life. And from what I understand, you made them through building successful habits. Is that correct? Yeah. Okay. So let's talk about habit building because people don't know. Sometimes you, you go, Oh, I'm going to do this.

Right. And we think we're starting a new habit. But we don't really know on that. So what does it look like to start building a successful habit to move towards change? So, I guess when I started and [00:45:00] I committed to doing a dry January for the sake of feeling better, um, I committed to that 30 days. And 30 days and through through the struggles that that came from changing that lifestyle to becoming something different, committing to 30 days and working through, you know, day to time, getting through that month was was a big step, but it was, you know, there's other people around me that were doing a dry January kind of became a bit easier.

And as I started to learn about habit changes and 21 days or cycles of 21 days or 100 days to change a lifestyle, my goals started to change from just 30 days to that 60 day mark or 100 day mark. And, um, whether it's, you know, some, a small habit we want to change, like I worked on brushing my teeth better.

I didn't like my, my dental health. So. Um, or it's something large like not drinking or, you know, losing weight. It's like [00:46:00] breaking that down, doing it one day at a time. So changing that habit, brushing my teeth. I was marking every day in the morning on the calendar where I kept track of everything.

Checkmark in the morning when I did it. Checkmark before bed every day. Counting it up. 100 days. And then, um, just testing myself after. It was. Trying these different things I wanted to work on for this period of time and then testing myself to see whether or not it stuck the way that I was learning it should.

And that brushing my teeth example was, was a huge eye opener because at that hundred day mark, when I stopped tracking it, To test whether or not it worked. It was, I couldn't go to bed or I couldn't leave my house to go for work without doing that. It became a huge part. I'd be in bed and be like, Oh, no, I didn't do that yet.

I got to go do that. Whereas before I'd be like, Oh, it's fine. I'll do it in the morning. And, and [00:47:00] doing that with drinking water or not drinking alcohol or whatever. Keeping track of it on the calendar and working on getting to that, you know, 30 day, 60 day, 100 day mark, breaking it down as small as it was, gave me all the tools, all the confidence to, to try different things and add more to it or subtract to it as, as I grew.

I like the idea of starting with something small, like brushing your teeth, right? As parents. We're on top of our kids. Brush your teeth, brush your teeth, right? It's the morning, brush your teeth, go to bed, brush your teeth, right? We're really good about that as parents. I, I've had my daughters like, why are you guys so insistent about that?

Because we're building good habits, whether you know it or not, we're building good habits. But I think as adults, we often think we have to reach for something more grand. And I think [00:48:00] sometimes just, just with something small, like brushing your teeth, right, whatever it is, two times a day, three times a day, whatever you do in your home, I think just having success at finessing that habit and reinforcing that habit would help a lot of guys.

Step into, it was like, Oh, I, I brushed my teeth twice a day for 60 days straight. I hope so. But you know, I gotta admit, I haven't always done it. So, you know, but right. Just having success at that, I think helps build that habit. I think you can take on something maybe a little bigger. Is that your, yeah, absolutely.

And because it was something, as I learned about habits and trying it, it was something that, um, one, I wanted to get better at. But, but two wasn't something that was going to hurt me. It wasn't something that was like, I need to go to the gym for an hour [00:49:00] every day forever. It was, it wasn't something like, I'm going to go run a marathon or I'm going to lose a hundred pounds.

It was, it was something that was small enough that I could test the things I was learning about tracking it, you know, marking it on the calendar gave me a visual. And then seeing the days build up as I'm going through the days and the months and seeing all these little check marks for doing it gave me that.

accountability and even more confidence because then I'm seeing like, wow, like this has been 15, 20, 30, 60 days already. Like I'm going to get to that a hundred and, and then celebrating it as, as I reached these different milestones. And that celebration doesn't have to be, you know, grand. It just, Just something that, that gives you that dopamine that, that says like, I'm doing a good job because we, we need that.

And once I learned about this, uh, you know, that, that this works, I started doing it with other things. Like my calendar at [00:50:00] one point, I had little check marks for brushing my teeth. I had circles on the day for drinking water. If I drank these two jugs that I, uh, This jug that I had, my goal was twice a day, so I'd circle the day twice for, for that.

There you go. And then I was, uh, you know, if I could, could exercise for 10 minutes. Like it wasn't anything grand, but I wanted to get better at working out or having that physical, physical health, uh, improvement. So I didn't commit to an hour. It was 10 minutes. So that 10 minutes became another little mark on the calendar.

And everything that I was keeping track of for that period of time, because it was these little marks, okay, it was easier to fit inside the box on the calendar. But I didn't have to talk about it. I didn't have to tell anybody that I didn't want to tell what I was working on because that calendar was right out in the open where I could see it.

I would run into it every time I committed out of the house. It was great with our mudroom or towards the garage entrance that we use. And [00:51:00] if I felt vulnerable and I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't have to. I could tell them whatever I wanted to, if I needed to, just to say what I felt comfortable in that moment.

But in my head, I knew that, you know, these check marks were this, the squiggles were that, and. By keeping track of everything that way, you know, I would learn that, okay, brushing my teeth after a hundred days, well, I feel good and it's just a part of me now, but. Working out a hundred days. I just, I don't feel like I can continue.

So like for instance, right now I've been doing sit ups. It was something I wanted to do right before bed. So I started just doing one. I just wanted to go sit on the floor, do a sit up and then quickly that, that one sit up became 10, 10 is the new goal. And then 50 for a hundred days, I did 50 sit ups before bed started this year.

Now I'm at a hundred. And it's the same mark on the calendar because in the, in the beginning, that mark on the calendar, that dopamine. It, it means the same to me [00:52:00] then as it does now, but I'm, I've evolved. I can handle more now. That check mark means the same to me now because it's a consistent mark, but it's, it's, I've, I've allowed the habit to grow because I'm comfortable with that growth.

And whatever it is we're working on, start with something that's possible. And as you build your confidence, no, no, that check mark might not change, but the meaning. Might change because you're able to do more. And if you can't, if one day, because life happens that like, and I, and I went through this, like we can't do a hundred.

We can't do an hour walk or we can't do whatever we're working on. Let's go back to that. Just let's do one. Let's do one. That's perfect enough because we, you know, we've had COVID or we're sick or we're, you know, something happened. At least that, that one minute or that one thing gives us the check mark we can continue with our growth and not feel like we've lost everything.

Those check [00:53:00] marks are kind of like gamifying, guys. It's like hitting the like button because you're digging this episode. And, uh, sharing it with your friends or leaving a review. It's that gamification that actually like we feed on social media platforms are built on gamification. They really are. It's that short, small dopamine hit of getting the like, or the thumbs up or whatever platform you're on.

That little check Mark gamifying things is a huge, huge game changer for building habits. Instead of looking at it as I have to check this off, On a to do list, start gamifying things, right? Hit that. Oh, after I hit, you know, 30 days of that mark being there, I'm going to do this for myself, right? Gamify that.

Like I'm, I'm working on a new protocol. I'm, I'm. Testing cold showers. I I'm a big believer in cold immersion. I know factually the science behind that and how it [00:54:00] works. There's been some debate over the years of my research, uh, and articles and researchers over whether showers will accommodate the same thing, but I'm actually working through a process.

Right. And I have a running checklist. It was like, don't break your streak. Right. And now it's started it irks me i'm like no no i'm not gonna break the streak I don't care if it's 11 o'clock and i'm taking a cold shower right now Just so I can check that off. I don't want to break the streak, right? Uh, it's amazing how gamifying habits Will help you make change in your life.

Yeah, and starting starting somewhere possible Gives us that confidence to to keep going and to build We we can't You know, build something without a solid foundation and that solid foundation just has to be getting started. The hardest thing is getting started. So if it's just one sit up, or if it's just, you know, one minute in that cold shower to get to the confidence to have, you know, [00:55:00] full three minutes or half an hour or whatever the goal is, you know, getting started, we have to, to make it possible enough.

And like, uh, you know, Stephen Covey's, you know, begin with the end in mind. If a hundred pounds is the goal. Let's just worry about one pound or let's just worry about that. You know, 10 seconds in the cold thing. It's like break that, have that big goal in mind. This is where I'd like to get to, but having that small one is, is the check mark, it is the circle, it is the consistency.

And, you know, for me, it was a calendar on the way out, but maybe it's, it's a notification on your phone where you see that thing pop in every day and you do that, that item that you're working on and, and you, and you knock it off on your, your, your, Um, you know, your app, your tracking app, there's different ways to do it.

It's all about finding what makes the most sense and is easiest for where you are with your life and what works for you. And I like, I like to focus on the smaller guys, like my cold shower [00:56:00] protocol. It's a professionally done protocol. I'm going through, it started with 10 second increments. Like the first, the first week was literally just 10 seconds in the cold.

And they were talking to you through techniques. Yeah. Prepping you to switch to cold. T TGU brain breathing technique needs to get used to it, but it was 10 seconds. It wasn't like, all right, guys, we're going to take a 20 minute cold shower. It was 10 and my brain went, I can be cold for 10 seconds. Right.

That that's a digestible piece. And I've been doing it now for, I think, two and a half weeks or something. And we're only up to like 20 or 30 seconds, but it's, you know, Moving in little gradual steps. And it's like, I did 10 seconds. I can do 15 seconds. This isn't as bad. I can do 15 seconds. Right. Those little digestible chunks are so incredibly important.

Yeah. And [00:57:00] it's, it's not, yeah. Going from 10 seconds to three minutes right away. Right. It's maybe you try it to see if you can handle it, but then it's like knowing that the goal is the 10 seconds. The goal here is there. And. You know, if you're, if you're going for a walk, like I started walking, it was like, I'm just going to walk for a few minutes, but in whatever you're looking at, just putting those shoes on or just getting in that tub or like, that's the hardest part.

So you, you already like going to the gym, if you're at the gym, like when, when James clear and atomic habits is talking about just drive there, don't even do anything, just drive there. And then you're, you're getting in that habit of driving there while I might better go inside. And then just go inside, but don't do anything.

And then all of a sudden you're finding yourself while I'm here, I'm in the door, uh, I'm on the machine. I might better go for a walk or I might better start lifting something. It's like you, you build up to a point where you're [00:58:00] used to going, you're making it easier because now it's, it's part of you to go to the gym because you've done it this many days in a row where you've, you've, you've created that habit.

So then you, you build off of that to now I'm going to do something while I'm here, or now I'm going to spend a little bit more time in this tub, or I'm going to, um, you know, go another day, not eating cake after dinner or whatever you're working on. It, it, it relates so much to each other. You really can change anything with the same basic concept.

Um, just making it work with whatever you're, you're trying to achieve. Sean, we're At this threshold of there are men listening who have identified, identified, I'm not sure that's what I want to say, who have decided they want to change up their identity. They've looked at their life. They're going, this isn't who I want to be.

This isn't how I want to show up for myself or for my kids or [00:59:00] whatever the reason is. This isn't who I want to be. And I want to make change. I want to start to become the iteration of myself that I'm imagining that I want to reach for what are the first three steps. The main can take walking away from this podcast to help them start down this path.

Um, the biggest step is asking ourself better questions and that can come in the form of, of a few different things. But the biggest one for me was, is this the person I want to be? Or would the person I want to be do this? So if I'm talking about better health, would a healthy person eat this dessert now?

Or would a healthy person not have dessert today? Would, um, someone that doesn't drink have a drink right now? Would, um, you know, [01:00:00] would a better father yell, Right now, or would I get down on the floor and talk it through and give my kids a hug and just find out what what's going on like there's the better questions is, is the way to make those better decisions would the kind of person that I want to be do the thing or not do the thing in this moment.

The next thing is is yeah, take take it. in those small, small doses, take it in those small steps and build when you're comfortable. It's, it's the foundation for everything I've been able to work on through losing 100 pounds, being three years sober, um, becoming that better person, that better father, challenging the narrative with the construction and the masculine environments I'm in.

Um, deciding to be an author and, and, and releasing that journal of my first year to, to anyone that, that could relate and, and want to learn through those moments I was in. Um, and then, and then I guess the third [01:01:00] thing is, is just don't beat yourself up. Make sure that you realize like we have to build from where we were and it doesn't happen overnight.

We, we've got to give ourselves some room and some, some credit that. It is, it can be hard and, and it can be possible too. These things are achievable because. People have done it, right? What we're working on here is not new. Like, if you want the best confidence, just follow people that have done it, or, you know, listen to stories of people that have done it.

And if they've done it, you can do it too. What's next for Sean Robinson? What's next? What next for me is, is, uh, I want to continue my growth. I want to, um, still want to get more, you know, into the gym more and work on some definition. Um, losing a hundred pounds of, of my terrible diet, uh, and, and habits in the past hasn't given me that.

[01:02:00] And, and, I started running last year. I was very much a vulnerable position and somewhere I've never thought I'd be, but I ran my first half marathon in the spring and it, uh, it was never something I thought I would be. It was not who I thought I was. And, and I enjoyed it enough to want to. At least try and beat my time.

So this year, I've joined a running group and I volunteered to help for a running event and then actually this weekend, January, that wasn't really wanting to run in, but at least I'll help out and just kind of build off of this growth that I've been able to achieve. So far, where's the best place for people to connect with you?

Uh, the best place is through my website, uh, seanrobinson. ca. I've got a contact me page. Everything goes direct to me there. It's, uh, I, I, I'm the only one that reviews it. I'll answer anything that comes in. Um, if i've got contacts [01:03:00] there for, for all my socials, uh, on the bottom with linkedin and Um tiktok youtube everywhere that I'm at and uh, It's probably, as much as I'm on all the platforms, it's probably the best place to kind of get a good, good idea of, you know, where to get ahold of me and what I'm working on.

Okay. And guys, as always, we'll have links for Sean in the show notes, the description, wherever you're watching this or listening to this. We'll make sure you can get in touch with Sean and dig in farther with him. Now, I know you're all seriously concerned about how long the U. S. border is between us and Canada.

Uh, Sean, you guys. 5, 525 miles. You are correct. Awesome. I never would have gotten that. It was, it was a guess. I'm, I'm from Canada. So we're kilometers. So the conversion to miles, it was, uh, yeah, it was definitely, uh, I guess, uh, that having to convert things is never fair. [01:04:00] It always gives you the lower hand on that.

So I'm, I'm impressed. Like I look up the questions because there's no way I would've gotten that one. Something, I don't know. It's just so many miles. Sean, if the audience hears nothing else today, take us out. What is the most important thing you want people to hear today? The most important thing is that we're all going through every version of this and that it's possible to come through.

You deserve it. Give yourself a credit and just pick out at one, one small piece at a time. Guys for Sean Robinson and myself here at the fallible man podcast. Thanks for hanging out with us today. Be better tomorrow because what you do today, and we'll see you on the next one, this has been the fellow woman podcast, your home for everything, man, husband, and father, be sure to subscribe.

So you don't miss a show head over to www. thefallibleman. [01:05:00] com for more content. And get your own Fallow Man Gear.