Navigating the Teen Years: A Parent/Teen Guide to Communication and Connection

[00:00:00] Hey, my name is Brent and welcome to a special episode of the Fallible Man podcast with Rahz Slaughter as a special guest. This episode is for parents of teens, teenagers, and those soon to be either. You see, in this episode, we're going to talk to parents and teenagers. So this would be a great episode to share with a teen in your life.

Raj shares communication tips, parenting tips, but he also shares how to become more resilient as you traverse your teenage years and how to build your confidence as a teenager. And so, so, so much more listen together with your teenager. And we'll talk directly to the teens and part of the show and to the parents and different part of the episode.

Check out this quote from Rahz and let's get into it. If you just listen to this part of the segment of the podcast, what I want you to believe is that anything that you truly want to achieve in your life, But here's what I don't want you to do not buy anyone's limiting beliefs about what you can have, what you can do, where you can become, because they're limiting beliefs don't have to become your story.

[00:01:00] You can be the author of your story. And it starts today and believing in yourself.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potentials growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the question. In this podcast, we'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent, and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast.

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My name is Brent and today my special guest is motivational speaker, author, teen life coach, Rahz Slaughter. Rahz, welcome to the fallible man podcast. Wow. Thank you so much, Brent. Excited to be here. Excited to have this conversation. I'll figure that out in a minute. I just have to stop it before Friday, the recording.

All right, Ross. We like to start the show a little lighter, a little easier. So how's your trivia? I don't know. We're going to, we'll give it a shot. I don't know if that's my, uh, my forte, but I'm willing to have some fun. Now, forgive me. I got to ask, how old are you? I am 46. Okay. Wow. You do not look anywhere near 46.

I was actually going, I was going for a history question. Cause I thought I was going to stump you, but, so here we go. When was the Cuban missile crisis? Was it 1952, [00:03:00] 1972, 1982 or 1962 Cuban missile crisis? Why do I want to say 82? I don't know, but Hey, that's fine. We'll take the answering guys. You know, the rules don't cheat.

Don't skip ahead. Don't look it up and for God's sake, don't write it down. If you're on the car in the car, Drive don't write. I know a lot of my listeners listen in the car So just stick in the back of your head. We'll come back to that now Rahz I don't do big introductions. So in your own words today, in this moment, who is Ross Slaughter?

Woo. Uh, real quickly. I mean, Ross Slaughter is a man, a father, a faith person who loves just to inspire and motivate people. That's who I am. I was gifted to have a struggle in my life at times, but I found personal growth and I found the way that what my superpower was, my superpower is I have the ability to inspire and motivate people and I've been doing it for 24 years.

24 years. Wow. [00:04:00] That that's a career, man. That's I don't hold the same job that long. Come on. All right. So let's get to know Rahz a little bit. What house does the Sorting Hat put you in if you're a Harry Potter at Hogwarts? Wow, you're just throwing me there like, I am not, can I phone a friend like my son? I am not a Harry Potter fan at all, I am a, like, I am the ultimate jock.

Oh, that just makes it more interesting, right? Do you know the Harry Potter houses? I do not know. I, I have a book, I have a book on my shelf that one of my clients who worked for the publishing house that published them originally, but I did not read it. You know what? We have a unique opportunity today.

We will phone a friend, Abby.

Please help. Help a guy out. [00:05:00] I was starting to type it out. What, what are the Harry Potter houses? Break them down. Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Tell us a little bit about them. Um, Gryffindor is mainly like they're brave and courageous. And a little stubborn, or a lot stubborn. Slytherins are very self aware, they're very strategic, and they can be a little, uh, we'll say tricksy.

And Hufflepuffs are known most for being loyal, because they will always stand by their friend. And Ravenclaw are very smart and clever, and they find ways to get around things. Alright. There's your phone or friend. Thank you, Abby, for jumping on. She's listening to the [00:06:00] background today while we're recording.

There's your, there's your guys. So which house are you in? Ah, I am definitely in the loyal house. So if there was something that would nail me to, to something, it's being loyal. I I'm loyal to the core because I believe that that's one of my founding values. Excellent. Excellent. If you could eat only one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Pizza. Yeah. Pizza? Yeah, I'm originally from New York, so I love a big New York slice of pizza. Can't compare. I live in South Florida right now, and the pizza is nowhere near as good as New York. I've been to New York one time, and it was just passing through at the airport. Like I literally just had like a 10 minute layover, and I was like, New York, New York.

What do I know about New York? I need a slice. I gotta get a slice. Absolutely. I jumped off my gate. There was a bathroom and a pizza place right across from my gate. So I ran in and hit the head and grabbed a big [00:07:00] slice and a beer, which in New York, you can walk around the airport with that. That was cool.

Yep. And so I grabbed a slice and a beer and went back in the line to get on my next plane. But it was like, okay, I've been to New York. I had a slice. I'm good. Boom. What would be your weapon of choice in the zombie apocalypse? Oh, man, I got it. I mean, I'm pretty handy with my Glock, so I mean, I, I, I, I guess I would go with that.

And then, uh, if I had hand to hand combat, I'd have to go with my, my trustee, right hand knife. Okay. I dig it. Hey, you go with tridentry, right? If Glock is where you're comfortable, that's where this is. I don't need to think about it. No second guessing in the middle of a zombie attack. What purchase of a hundred dollars or less you made in the last year?

That's the biggest impact on your life. Ooh, great questions. Right? Oh, I have to say Um, I just got [00:08:00] a new computer for my bike. Um, and it was under a hundred bucks. Just change the game where now I can monitor my speed, my heart rate, everything as I'm training. So it's been a game changer. So I'm not just guessing out there when I'm on the road by myself.

That's cool. I didn't know you could put a computer on a bike. Yeah, it's a tiny little guy, but it just, it lets me know my speed, lets me know my heart rate, all the key information to, uh, go long distance. He says, what the heck is a Glock? It's a kind of handgun, maybe that's uncle Ben's choice of handguns.

She knows her uncle, her uncle and I hang out and go shooting. That's what uncle Ben likes to shoot. Here we go. Glock 19. What do people misunderstand about you the most? Oh, uh, that's a, another good one. I think people misunderstand that, you know, although I am extremely passionate [00:09:00] about goals and focused on achieving, I'm also someone who just really likes to lay back and relax.

So I know how to do both. I can on vacation. I am in super chill mode, but when it's time to produce, I'm all focused and ready to take action. Orange juice, pulp, some pulp, no pulp, no pulp. Absolutely no pull. All right. Now, what is something everyone should know about you before we dig in today? I think that's something that's a lot of people should know about me is that, um, I was born with my right leg shorter than the other.

I have no quadric upper or hamstring on my right leg, so it's actually fixed at the knee and it doesn't move and has a three and a half inch difference. And the reason I share that story is because I limp and I've lived my whole life, but we all have different ways that we're going to be looking different on the exterior.

But on the interior, interior, we're all the same. We all have a heart. We all have faith. We all have our desires and wants and fears and aspirations. And [00:10:00] I've used my leg as a way to show the world that it doesn't matter what the obstacles are in front of you. If you're willing to move forward, you can overcome them.

All right, guys, that's just a little bit about Ross and getting to know who he is. Why we're talking to him, we're going to do things just a little bit different today. As you saw, Abby jumped on and that might confuse some of you guys. She doesn't jump on the show very often. Rahz works with parents and teenagers.

So I thought it would be really cool to have a parent and teenager in the conversation. She's not going to ride the whole rollercoaster with us, but she is in the background listening and she may jump on again. We never know. In the next segment of the show, we're going to like, so we're doing things a little different day.

Rahz and I are going to be talking directly to parents. That way the show just flows and you guys don't have to worry about timestamps. Uh, some of you are not technically inclined. Some of you are, I'm trying to make it easy in the third segment of the show. Rahz and I are going to talk directly to the teenagers that are [00:11:00] listening.

And so I encourage you to take in this episode with your teenager, if you have one, because there's going to be something for both of you and hopefully it will help in that whole relationship right there. But that's why Abby's hanging out with us. It's going to be a great show today. I encourage you to listen to both segments, but you need to know where the conversation is going and where it's directed, what segments.

So we'll try and keep that clear for you. So we've gotten to know Rahz a little bit. We're going to go to our sponsor and we'll be right back talking to your parents. Are you tired of tossing and turning at night, searching for that elusive, perfect pillow, or just better bedding in general? Well, look no further.

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That's 800 796 9775 to order now. You can't be your best without a good night's sleep and MyPillow delivers. Guys, welcome back in the first part of the show. We just [00:13:00] spent some time getting to know who Rahz is and having a little fun. In this part of the show, we're going to be talking to the parents, teens.

We're going to get to you directly in segment three, where we're going to just talk to you. Parents, this is your portion. Like I said, I encourage you guys to do this with your teenager. Join together for this show. Check it out. Make us some bonding time. Father to teen, father to child, mother to child.

Doesn't matter what we're going to talk about today. Goes across the board. And, uh, I'm really excited to have this conversation. Now, Rahz, I actually took very limited notes because I want this conversation to be a little less guided and a little more open because I started researching you and it's like, there are so many different pieces we could isolate and do entire episodes on.

Um, but I kind of want to hit all of it. And I don't know that we have the time for that, but I do, I do all of it because If we [00:14:00] touch a nerve with different topics with some of our parents, they'll be able to follow up with you on that and have someone that they can go, Oh, look, we can, we can follow up with this guy to get the rest of that explanation.

So first right off the bat misconceptions about raising teenagers. I've been told, had so many people tell me like, Oh, just wait. When your kids are teenagers, you're going to, you're in for it. Misconceptions you run into from parents about raising teenagers. So the first one is that they're just going through a trend and they're not going through a trend.

They're in a developmental process. And as we all, the challenge that parents struggle with is that they don't remember when they were actually in it. And we use a faulty memory to actually recall those moments. Oh, I was this way. Now we've all heard our parents say, when I was going to school, I had no shoes and I had to walk up a mountain to get to school and it was six hours.

Nobody did that. Right. I mean, we all had our stories, um, but the facts are that [00:15:00] these young people are going through a trend and they need your support, but they need your support in a way that most parents don't understand because they're struggling with the programming that came from their parents and their parents parents, and they didn't even know when the parent the program was being installed.

So what I tell parents when they think about this is be willing to have an open mind, um, and learn, adapt and evolve along with your child.

I know that's a conversation I used to have with my dad. Uh, my dad passed about two years ago, but he lived with us the last couple of years of his life. And so we have, you know, three generations in the house. And I remember my dad telling me, I was like, when I was growing up, well, it's, it's not, you're not doing anything.

We didn't deal with it as a teenager. It's like back in the stone age, of course, you know, I was not real respectful in that way. Uh, sometimes, but I give him a hard time about it. And I'm like, you know, life has changed a little since you were a kid, [00:16:00] dad. And now as a parent myself, I'm looking at what my daughters are moving into and what the world looks like now compared to when I was growing up, I'm a Gen Xer.

And it's like, yeah, we'd be gone all day. And my parents didn't blink an eye, blink an eye. Like my mom kicked us out after breakfast and we didn't come back to the street lights were on and no one thought anything about it. And I would be terrified if I didn't know where my kids are. Uh, I live in a small town and we still have enough problems that I would be like, no.

Uh, Abby can tell you I'm a little overprotective. Just a wee bit overprotective, but the world is different. Think we get these false expectations, right? I know I had a lot of preconceived notions about parenting before I became a parent,

but I think the idea that it's just like when we were kids, it's derailing a lot of parents. [00:17:00] I know I, my parents weren't worried about me and being on my phone all day or social media, right? We've seen the influence of social media. They're having that argument now, right? I think Florida is looking at banning social media under 14.

So there's, there's a lot going on. So I like the idea of being open minded is a little hard for some of us. Like I'm, I'm, I'm a little closed minded on things like a work in progress on things. Now you have several different ways you go about helping parents. Tell us a little bit about your BS method.

Just introduce some concepts to us so that parents can keep chasing that with you. Absolutely. I'll address the first part of that is like, you know, this world is different. And if you're a parent and you're listening, it's important that you parent different than you were parented. And you can't use that We've seen I use the analogy of Windows 7, right?

If you have a PC [00:18:00] or a Mac, you know, you know, the operating system. If you're trying to parent with an operating system that's outdated, yours needs to be updated for your current child. And we have to love the child. We have not the one we wish we had. And so the B. A. S. method is really a way for us as parents and as teams to understand why we think the way we think, right?

And if we want to change our results, whether it be in school, athletics, socially, you want to enter dynamics of working within the family, it starts with your belief systems. And a lot of times kids don't even know they have, where did my beliefs come from? That they come from your parents parents. Right.

I believe this. We are all, I'm sitting in a chair right now. And my faith is that this chair is going to hold me because I've seen it through experience. That's why I have the belief that I can sit here and it's not going to break. So when you're a parent, I ask that you think about your beliefs, where they come from, and how did, and why do you have them and how do they align with your family?

[00:19:00] And have this conversation. This opens the door for being self aware. Self aware creates clarity. Clarity is the key to connection within a family. Now the A stands for the attitude. So we have our belief system. Our attitude is gotta be something that's going to be inspiring. Like we have here, Abby's here.

She jumped on and saved me. It's amazing when you have an attitude of gratitude. And we've heard that and it sounds woo woo. But as a parent, if we're not leading from the front, showing our children how to stand, how to walk, how to talk, how to act, how can we expect them to do something different than we're not doing?

So we have to have an attitude of gratitude. We have to have an attitude of open minded. We have to have an attitude that we're leading from the front, right? And the last is our self talk. Now, parents, let me ask you this. You know, when we talk about self talk, we all know, Oh, I don't want to be a negative thinker.

But what are you saying to yourself every single day that's manifesting externally on the outside that [00:20:00] your children are witnessing? See, if you don't believe in yourself, how are you going to tell little Johnny that they can do anything, they can be anything, they can have anything? If they're looking at you and you're always saying, I'm not enough, I can't do that, this is too hard.

See, your Children are going to do what you do, not what you say you are going to do. So we can't go through that old adage of do as I say and not as I do because Children today, like we said, they've upgraded. They're on Windows 13. They know how to read between the lines. And the BAS system helps you as a parent really be able to connect with your kids and teach them beliefs, attitude, and self talk.

And when you put them together, that's how you create a unstoppable mindset. Oh my goodness. I knew I was going to like you. You use, you use the term woo woo and made a computer reference that I understand. We're going to be friends. I got this now. Love it. Uh, man, uh, I, I, I spent [00:21:00] over a decade doing it at a like corporate levels.

So that when, when the computer started, like I got everything set up here, I don't move. I did not want it to go bonkers. And then I'm like, Oh my God, we got to start over. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's why I paused and I'll cut that momentary segment out. But like, I have multiple screens and, and things started like trying to disc is like, wait, something's not firing.

Right. And if I don't fix this now, we're going to be in trouble now. Rahz and guys, if this sounds discombobulated, it's because like I said, Rahz covers so much, I cannot possibly pack raising teens into one episode. Um, so let me know. If you guys want me to have Ross back for another episode, I already thinking I'm going to have to have him back for a follow up episode.

Uh, but let me know, I think you guys are going to want to do this because we can't do [00:22:00] this in one show. This is just not possible, but I want to introduce you to some of the things Ross is doing. So you have options. So you get an idea of how he could possibly benefit you, uh, as a coach to help you with your teenager, to help your teenagers, cause he works directly with them.

So we're hitting some of the stuff he does. Some of the things he covers and trying to get some clarity on that. So you guys know, Hey, here's a source, right? Cause I'm always trying to bring you guys. People who can help you grow and people who can help you achieve what you want. Now you talked about the three C's and you mentioned clarity.

I'm going to guess that's part of that. What are the three Cs? So the three Cs starts out real simple. Clarity, communication, right? And when we think about it, it's just, I love frameworks and my, one of my mentors and many of you probably listening will know this name, Tony Robbins, right? I mean, it's, I found them at 18 and I really just kind of, [00:23:00] start to absorb.

And one of my missions is kind of to do be that for teenagers, because teenagers don't have that guiding eye, that GPS saying, how do I find my version of success? My version of authenticity. So clarity, it starts out with who am I? What are my strengths? What are my limitations? So often we don't ask, like, if we were to ask Abby, what's your strength?

The her number one strength, would she know? And that's an important question from a father, from a mother, from a parent, to really dial in and start asking kids so that they can start to formulate this clarity, this thought of, what are my strengths? You know, you asked me earlier, I know that I asked that question, and many people have said, motivation.

For me, that's my number one. That's my superpower. I was born motivated. And I'm glad that I was able to cultivate that gift. That clarity allows me to be authentically Rahz, right? So as a parent, I want you guys to think about what are your children's strengths? What are their limitations? What are their needs?

What are their wants? See, when [00:24:00] you understand that and you have that conversation, you can go away from the simple, how was school? Oh, what, what are you doing with your friends? Those conversations, kids don't want to have more. Then we get to the second C communication, communication as a parent. I want you guys, if you're listening to this, watching, It's not talking.

That's not communication. Communication is listening. Using those two ears you have to listen twice as much as you speak because your children will tell you exactly what they need, what they want from you, how you can be a better parent for them. But we tend to lecture. We tend to give rules. We tend to tell them the things that they need to be.

You need to go to school and get all A's. Why? I'm a proponent of education, but I'm not a proponent of grades. And I think that when we learn to listen to our kids, they'll, they'll communicate with us. And that's, and as a parent, you have to be an effective communicator, not just someone who speaks and barks orders.

And that last one is two things here. We're going to work on confidence for teens, but [00:25:00] we're also going to work on that parental confidence. When you have clarity in who you are as a parent, when you have great incentive, effective communication, you're going to be more parentally confident in your abilities to help, to assist To lead, to guide your child, and that is why those three C's are such a powerful framework for a parent, and I use it with teens so that they can find their unique, authentic selves.

Ooh, I'm in my bike, Mike. See, I've been doing this five years and like, total amateur move right there. Holy, just blew that. That is why we are the Fallible Man Podcast, because We all know that I'm a work in progress because I'm doing silly things like that after five years, uh, man, I love the framework. I, I'm not a big fan of, uh, what was it you said earlier?

Tony? Uh, no. Woo woo. You said woo. It was, uh, [00:26:00] Attitude of gratitude, right? Catch the catch slogans. I run into so many people who use big catch phrases and I get it. It's because they're memorable. Right. But it's that framework, uh, that gives me what people it's like, okay, there's framework is when people start to, and I understand why people do it.

I'm not like, uh, if you asked me to like put something I do into like three consecutive C's or P's or pick a letter, I was trying to put together a program. And it was like, I was trying to get all into ours, like four hours. I got three. I was like, whew, I got three. I need one more. I'm like, Oh, I just never had.

So I don't know if it's that, but I hate catchphrases, but I love that you have the sense of this makes sense. This is the framework. It's all together guys. Don't be an idiot. Like I am on stuff like this. Okay. The reason people have catchphrases, the reason people have, [00:27:00] you know, three Cs. And things like that is because it's easy to remember and let's face it.

You got enough on your brain. You don't need it to be hard. You don't need it to be difficult. You need clarity. And that comes with simplicity. Sometimes, uh, I laugh because so many coaches are better at that kind of stuff than I am. I didn't, I didn't pick it because you know, it just, it was marketable. It was just really when I thought with the BS method, it was when I was writing my book during COVID.

And we, and I was really, I was like, if I was 13, what would I need to know in order to be a young man who's going to navigate this world? And I started to do a little work and I was like, my belief systems are screwed up. You know, and my attitude, I look back at high school and I was just a little brat who was running around, didn't have any direction.

And a lot of that was because I was saying crazy things to myself. And if I change that, I can change that process. [00:28:00] Well, I, I teach you about it because what I don't want is our listeners be, we all have those crazy little pet peeves, right? That kind of stuff drives me nuts. I don't know if it's, I was in the military for a short time.

I don't know if it's the acronym. I hate acronyms at this point. Uh, but right. We. Have little things that we nitpick as an excuse to not grow. Right. For me, things like, you know, three C's or acronyms are real turnoff for me. And right. Those slogans guys be smarter than that. You have an opportunity. We want to be better men.

We want to be the fathers. That's why you're listening to this episode. Don't let little things hold you back from all the possibility. That's one of the mistakes I made for a lot of years of my life. Uh, I, I probably [00:29:00] sabotaged my show actually, because I hate social media. And so I've neglected my social media for years.

Because I just despise social media, right? I just don't enjoy it. I don't want to do it. It takes too much time to do it well. And, and so it's, it's sabotaged me. I'm poking fun because this is something that drives me insane. But we do that sometimes when we're dealing with our kids, right? We all know we want to do that, but then we hem and haw because we're nervous.

about admitting that maybe we don't have it figured out or maybe we have shortcomings as a parent or we haven't quite put our thumb on it. Guys, don't look for an excuse. Don't give yourself excuses to miss out on this incredible conversation. It's, it's hard to raise teenagers. It's absolutely difficult to raise kids and let's admit it.

Cause once they get to teenagers, people are terrified of teens. Don't know [00:30:00] why. I think they're a lot of fun. My kids scared the crap out of me when they were young. That's the age that drove me crazy. But don't let those things don't look for reasons. Don't let personal pet peeves get in the way. We've got some real good stuff going on today.

And that's why I went on that total side road. Cause it's like, I heard myself going, Oh, it's one of those guys who talks with slogans and Guys, don't look for it. Don't, don't let this derail you from what's going on. Let's talk about the personality parenting method. Cause I, I going through researching the show.

I was like, so I was so excited about this conversation. I've never heard somebody talk about some of the things you talk about. And I've been working with teens for, I don't want to admit my age here. I've been working with teens since I was a teenager. So, uh, I've never heard some of these things talked about these approaches [00:31:00] and I'm just enthralled with what's going on.

What is the personality parenting method? Thank you. Uh, so when I, the personality parenting method is just, it's a mindset and it's just like, and, and, and it does have a lot of things that are behind it, but it's really looking at your children. As individuals, they have a personality. And a lot of times parents tend to want to parent every kid the same.

You dress them the same. You have the same rules. You have the same expectations. And if you're a sports fan, if you're a sports family, Oh, everybody's got to be a sports athlete. And what happens is we, I mean, how many kids do you have, Brent? Uh, I've got two. Two. So you know, they're gonna, they have unique, different personalities.

Oh, very much so already at nine and twelve. Right? And, and that's so important as a parent to really slow down and look at your kids as individuals and that's how you parent. And I borrowed this from a guy by the name of James Lehman and he said you got to parent the kids you have not the one you wish you had.[00:32:00]

And I, I learned that because I was a wrestler and I love wrestling and it's my favorite sport in the world and I'm a big fan and you can hear that, right? But then I wish, I'm like, come on, Nikki, why did, my son did not want to wrestle. He did not, he thought the outfit was not cool and he was not having, so I had to figure something out and what do I do?

I believe, I believe in Kaizen constantly and always improving, right? So I had to figure out what was it that was disconnecting my son and I, and this is how this personality parenting evolved. And I realized, okay. I found this and I'm a big proponent. Go find someone who knows what you don't know, learn from them, hire them, pay them, get a coach, whatever you have to do.

And I found Dr. Hartman and he has something called the color code, which is a personality assessment. Now they use it for something totally different, but it allowed me to really be able to pinpoint a specific motivation of my son, whether he was a red, a blue, a white, or yellow. All that [00:33:00] really means is yeah.

Are they fun? Yellow. Are they peace loving or that's what their motivation is? White. Are they blue? Connected to intimacy. Connection, right? Reds. That's what I am. Passion. Aggressive at times. Goal oriented. Big on vision. So when you're a parent and you can understand your child and you can teach them their unique personality, it's going to allow them not to want to be, they're not going to get bullied.

They're not going to have their siblings tell them what to do. They're not going to be followers because. They can stand and say, Hey, I'm a blue. I'm connected. I'm passionate. These are my needs. These are my wants. And as a parent, I just want to inspire you to look at your children and find a tool. It doesn't have to be the color code.

It doesn't have to be something that Brett or I say, it just has to be something that you can look at them as an individual and allow them to accept it because that's the key. Abby's unique. She's different. She's special. She's hanging out with this, listening to this. The key here is parenting through personality, letting your kids [00:34:00] tell you how they need to be parented and then listening and following through on that.

And that's what the color code has allowed me to do with my clients is it's really dials in and now parents are no longer navigating teen hood blindly. They have a tool, a resource that they can fall back on. Now it really helps the parent and the team really connect and communicate.

I'm, I'm big fan of personality assessments. I think you can learn a lot from those. I think I had a job interview actually hit me with the color code one once. I never even seen it before asking all these questions. And then when I got to interview, they're like, Oh yeah, well, you're red in this. And I'm like, I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

That's, that doesn't make any sense to me. Like, Oh, it's a personality thing. I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have to look that one up when I get home. Cause I never heard of it before. But I, I think there's a lot to be learned. Uh, I, I do that a lot with relationship coaching for men. It's like, you know, where, where do your love languages fall?

Where does your personality fall? [00:35:00] Right. Let's, let's figure out what kind of communicator we are. Give us some base to work off of. So it makes sense to do it with teens. I actually probably did my first personality exam when I was, 13 or 14. But I think ours were, we did one and it was like lion, otter, beaver, golden retriever.

Okay. You know, this doesn't make any sense, but sure. Yep. They're powerful. I mean, it doesn't matter which one. And then I never say they're perfect. But he gives us some data and like you said, you were in IT, data allows us to have some, okay, some clarity, right? That's where that C comes. You have some clarity.

Now we can navigate this and we're not trying to figure it out on the go or shooting from the hip. We have something to go, okay, let's try this. This may not work. This may work. This is more like you. Okay. And then you start to see what works, what doesn't work, get rid of it. [00:36:00] What concern do you run into the most when you start working with parents?

So, um, when I'm working with parents, I think a lot of times they want to have their kids fixed. They want to fix my child. This is what, and if you guys listen to the early part of the, uh, the podcast, you know, I have a disability, right? But I don't see it that way. I never have. And if we allow anyone to put a label on our children, we're they're gonna manifest that symptom and turn and it's gonna turn into something.

So, so often I tell them, I'm not here to fix your kid. I'm here to learn. I'm here to learn about you. I'm here to learn about them. What, what are their needs? What are their, what do they want? So often we're trying to put our own beliefs on our children. You got, if you got a family of two doctors, the third child might not want to be a doctor, right?

They might want to be a personal trainer. Now, this is a real story. One of my best friends, right? And he, [00:37:00] to his family, he was a failure. And to now he's one of the best coaches in the world, but yet. That to them because they didn't take the same path. So if you're a parent and you're listening, don't try to fix your, listen to them, see where they are, help them embrace their unique abilities, and then find ways that you can enhance their strengths.

Um, that's the biggest thing because I, I really don't think that anyone's broken. No one needs another label. And Brent, you've been working with teens and, and, and, and relationships. It's just really about communicating what each other needs and accepting. In 20 plus years of doing this, what, what is the silent fear that our listeners are hearing right now?

I'm thinking about raising their kids, their teenagers. Well, the silent fear, I know that what they're probably saying is they don't know my son. He doesn't know my son. He doesn't know my daughter. Um, and what I can share with you with 20 plus years of [00:38:00] it's, there are trends, there are things that I've seen over and over and over that comes up.

And the big one is that, you know, he's not like you, you start comparing the teams and you don't want to do that. He's not like this. His brother does this. And what happens if you're a parent, you find yourself actually leaning in towards the one that's the least friction for you. And what happens there is that you create a complex in the other child, and that one becomes very resentful.

And so if you, if you have more than one child, I really implore that you just try your best. to keep growing, adapting and involving your parenting style so that your children can see your adaptations and your growth as well. One of the things I saw when I was getting ready for the show was you talked about the difference between self esteem and self image.

And I think that's something a lot of us, adults or kids, I [00:39:00] intertwine a lot. So let's clarify that a little bit for parents, including myself, cause I'd like some clarity on this. Yeah, absolutely. So, I mean, we, we take it back to Carl Rogers, um, and, and self concept and, you know, a lot of times people say, you know, my son has low self esteem, my daughter has low self esteem, but it's actually starts with self image and the self image is how they see themselves.

And if they don't see themselves at a certain standard, they're not measuring up because of someone else's scoreboard, then what happens is that's going to lower their self esteem, which is their actual self worth. If they see the world, what they provide to the world. And We go through, we're in a society that everyone needs to have a 4.

0 GPA and get into an Ivy league college, right? We even see scandals all over the world that people are faking the phone. So, um, I don't think we need to have that parents. We need to assess our beliefs about our children, because if you want their self image to really flourish, how they see [00:40:00] themselves, you have to use positive reinforcement.

And I'm not saying over praise, not like if little Johnny ties his sneaker and he's 12. No, he doesn't get a high five for that, but when he does, you know, but when he does something, Oh, I made my own breakfast. That's great. You didn't burn the kitchen down. Keep it going. So that's really what we want to focus on.

Once we get that self image to raise up, cause they see themselves, they walk with their shoulders back. Look at their body language, and then you get their, you'll see their self image because how they see the world. You know what? You're really smart at math. Abby, you really know how to, you really were able on the spot to speak.

That's great. Your clarity in explaining something to Rahz who didn't know anything about those, that, that book is so powerful. And then it leads to the last part. Once we have our self image, our self esteem, our ideal self, See, if we can't see ourselves in a light in the present, how are we going to have a future vision of what we can be, what we can do, or what we can have?

So often you see, like, I know when [00:41:00] I was a kid, I wanted to be a lawyer. I had no clue what that meant. Absolutely would never wanted to be a lawyer, but someone told me that that was a profession, so I thought that's what I wanted to be. I saw the smile that it made, that person who told me it, and that's what I wanted to be.

We have to be careful in guarding what we try to our children to aspire to be, allow them to evolve in what they want to be and what. All right, guys, we've been focusing on just a little bit for you parents out there. I wanted you to see the full array. Rahz does so much with parents and teens. There are people out there to help answer your questions, to help get you through all of this.

Little things, right? If you fix little things as they're happening, they don't turn into big things. And we all know that, you know, teenagers can get a little dramatic. Rightly so, because we tend to get a little dramatic when we start dealing with them and escalate the situation. Sometimes I know I've been guilty [00:42:00] of that.

So I wanted to introduce you to some of the concepts, some of the ideas, some of the things that he could help you with, some of the guidance he could offer you and directions he can point you in. And he's got all kinds of stuff, guys. I'll, I'll have all his links and stuff like that. And the next part of the show, we're going to talk directly to teenagers and let you, I want to know who's talking to my team, right?

And what they're saying. So this will give you some idea of parents. So stick around. This will give you some of the idea of what Ross is talking to your teens about how he talks to them and teenagers. Make your parents sit through this, get a clue, right? We're we're all in this together. This is a family event.

So we're gonna roll our sponsor. We will be right back with more from Ross Slaughter. Struggling to catch quality Z's at night. It's time to change that narrative. Sleep isn't just a luxury. It's the crucial component for your overall wellbeing, for managing your weight to boosting muscle growth, reducing [00:43:00] stress, and even enhancing your daily performance.

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And the last part of the show, we were talking specifically to parents, and this is a little bit of a different format than I normally do. The last section was for parents, parents stick around. This next section is Rahz talking directly to your teens, uh, stick around. You're going to learn something, make [00:44:00] this a family thing.

Like this is the show to listen to with your teenagers. Now, Rahz, you've been working with parents and teens for a lot of years now, and you have a lot of wisdom you gained just from experience. You're right. Wait, what is that? The 10, 000 hours makes you an expert or something. You've been doing this for 20 plus years.

You're, you're there. So you're going to help us by just talking to our teenagers today about some of these important things that sometimes we don't know how to breach these subjects or even how to start with these subjects. So. Let's talk about mindset with teenagers. So mindset is, you know, for us adults, uh, it's, it's, you don't want to talk about mindset and put it and make it something that is not, it's just a way of thinking.

And so if you're listening and you're a teen right now, what I want you to think about mindset is just how do you see yourself and the best way that you can actually start developing your mindset is to take yourself, go into your bathroom, look in the [00:45:00] mirror, put your hands on your hips, feet, shoulder width apart, and just stare at yourself for.

30 seconds to 60 seconds. And then I want you to think, what do you see? What do you like? What are some of the attributes of yourself that you really are proud of? Oh, I like my eyebrows. I like my smile. And then those are the things I want you to really focus on because so often we focus on the negative things that we don't like about ourselves and those things just keep getting bigger and bigger and overwhelming us and that is why we have a mindset that's not conducive to us feeling good about ourselves, having confidence, being willing to raise our hand in class and not be afraid of afraid that we're going to be ridiculed, criticized or judged.

Mindset is just your ability to understand your beliefs. What do you believe about yourself, your attitude, how you feel? Are you positive about yourself? And the last thing is the self talk. Are you saying things to yourself that's going to lift you up in power? Or disempowered. If you're saying things like, I'm not [00:46:00] smart enough, I'm not tall enough, my body isn't the right shape.

You're not going to have a mindset that's going to allow you to love yourself. And that is what we want you to focus on. As a team, you're going through a process and we want you to evolve into your best self. But it starts with loving yourself in the present moment.

There we go. Meaning things. I'm, I'm, I'm bad. I'm sorry, guys. I'm not in this normally disjoining. My brain is just not on. I have not had enough caffeine yet. Uh, I love, I love that because mindset is one of those things. Like we hear other people talk about it. Like if you're on social media, you see people talking about mindset all the time.

And most of the time you're just like, whatever, right? It's a hot word. People, it's popular to talk about right now, but what does it actually mean? How's that breakdown? And I love that explanation of it because that's a way better explanation than most people. Let's talk about resilience. I love to talk about [00:47:00] resilience and I know how incredibly important it is.

We've all learned that in the last several years with the changes in the world, uh, but we've all had our resilience tested. So for teenagers, how do they start to build some resilience in their life? So if you're a teen and you're listening, watching, um, what I want you to realize is that resilience comes from experience.

You have to go through something so that you can actually learn from it. And then you can adapt and evolve into what you can do later. But I want you to realize that so often as teens you think the world is this present challenge, this present problem that you're experiencing is the biggest thing since sliced bread.

It isn't. And your worst day will become your best day tomorrow because you're going to get through it. So it's all, and when we talk about mindset, it's just about seeing where you're going and go, okay, if I want to be resilient, I just got to take one more step. And I'll give a quick story because if you were listening earlier, my right leg is shorter [00:48:00] than the other.

I've been told my entire life that I can't do things. I won't be an athlete. So what did I do? I started bodybuilding. I was told that I wouldn't be able to perform in sports. So I became one of the best wrestlers in my school. I don't tell you that to impress upon you. What I'm telling you that is because I, when someone told me I couldn't, I decided that I must.

And that is how you create resilience. When someone tell you you're not smart enough, spend a little bit more time on that math homework, be willing to work a little bit harder, be willing to do a little bit more than the other student, your brother, your cousin, your friend. And that is how you start to build resilience.

Cause once you get a little momentum and you get a little success, you're going to want a little bit more, you're going to want a little bit more, and then you'll have your own blueprint to building. Excellent advice. I like that communication. Oh, teenagers. Now, now this comes from a place of love. Like I, I worked with teenagers.

I was a youth [00:49:00] minister for a lot of years. I still actually run a youth program every year. It's a three day event where we have 150 to 200 teenagers there for three days. Uh, it's the only thing I'm still doing specifically with teens, but I've been a part of that now for 18 plus years, and I truly love teenagers.

And one of the biggest frustrations for me, not as just as a father. But also as an adult who's worked with teenagers is teens. You don't like to communicate with us when something's bothering you when you're having a good day or a bad day, right? I don't know what it is about and like I thought about it.

As an adult, like looking back at when I was a teenager, I was like, why did I shut down and not communicate? Uh, I told Rahz when we started the show, my daughter has been on listening. We just got back. We, uh, she likes to go on [00:50:00] morning walks. I like to, cause I need to, cause I'm a little too chubby in the middle.

She likes to, because it's time with dad. She likes to get out and move in the morning and we talk the entire time. We'll walk two to three miles and Uh, that's when Abby gets my undivided attention and can talk to me. And I love, I love as a parent teenagers. I'm telling you, I love when my Children talk when they confide in me, when they communicate with me, tell me what they're thinking, what they're feeling, what's going on.

I don't know why teens tend to shut down and stop that. So Rahz. When it comes to communication, what do you talk to teens about? How do you help them with that? This is a great one. Uh, so first it's, it's about being vulnerable. And the reason that teens shut down, in my opinion, um, is that they fear someone's judgment, ridicule.

Something's [00:51:00] going to come if they're not confident in their ability to transmute their energy, their message to their parents in a way that's not going to give them a result, a negative result. So they're avoiding that. Um, but what I will tell you, if you're a teen, test this. Try opening up to your parents.

They want to listen, like Brent was saying, they want to be there for you. And if you build that trust and start with something small, you know, tell them about a friend. Tell 'em about something that happened at school. Tell 'em about a fear you have. Tell 'em about something you aspire that they don't even know.

Maybe there's like, you know what I wanna, I wanna start painting. They didn't know that you had a latent talent or desire to actually want to do these things and then test the water and see what their responses to it. Because a lot of teens struggle with communication because they become very reactive as opposed to being responsive.

You know, if a parent says to them, where are you going? They tense [00:52:00] up because they want to have independence. They want to have that freedom. The question is valid as a parent. So I'll ask you teens, if you want to improve your communication, be vulnerable. Second thing I want you to do, test some vulnerability with your parents.

And the last thing, give your parents a little bit of grace, because they're learning how to parent you as well. If you give them a little bit of grace and say, Hey, you know what? We're both going through something. We're all going through this together. We're learning that it'll make your communication that much easier with them.

I'm going to add to that just because I, it's my show. I'm going to add to that because this is something I've tried to teach my daughters to do. for their time and attention. Ask your parents convey that you want to communicate with them because a lot of times we started thinking it's like, Oh, they got their own life and, and we get that dad and you know, you do that long enough.

We start thinking you don't really want us to talk to you. [00:53:00] Right. We don't know how to respond to that. And so we started thinking is, well, obviously right now they don't really need me or they don't, if you want to communicate with us, Asked to communicate with us, convey that that's, that's the first step in that vulnerability is saying, Hey dad, mom, can, can I have 10 minutes a night?

No phones, no TV. I want to talk to you. Right. I have taught my daughters because I work from home and my studio is in my house and I've taught my daughters to come and try and get my attention. And my response, if I'm in the middle of something is give me three minutes, I got to finish what I'm doing.

Because I can't totally break flow, but give me three minutes or give me five minutes to finish this. Because I don't want to half listen to them. I want to look you in the eye. I want to look you face to face and hear what you're saying and [00:54:00] not be distracted by what I'm doing. And if I do this in the middle, I'm going to split my attention.

It's not going to go well. Tell us you want your time. Yeah. Great to ask for it. We, we, we want to give it to you, but we're afraid to talk to you. Cause As a parent, there's nothing we say that's right. Most of the time, once you're over the age of 14, from, from about 13 or 14 on to about 23, there's nothing we say that's right.

I'm pretty sure at least that's what we're convinced of. So ask us for that. If you want to communicate with us, please help us know that and ask us for our undivided attention. Great tip. Absolutely. My daughter's taught me that my, my daughter reached over one day. I was sitting on the couch with her, watching a movie with watching a movie with her.

And I was doing something, my phone, she reached over and pushed my phone down. I was like, what's up, baby. She's like, I want you to watch this with me, honey. We watched this a thousand times. I was just, she's like, no, I want you to be here with me. Just push my phone down, dude. It, [00:55:00] it was. A couple, like four years ago and it revolutionized my thinking entirely to have my daughter be like, no, you touching your phone is not the same as watching something with me.

That's that, that one, that's so powerful. I mean, what you just said there, because so often why kids and teens specifically don't connect with their parents is because their parents are so multitasking, always doing something, notifications, cooking, doing all the things you nailed it right there. You have to be present.

And I, I'll share this holiday season at my home, I had a basket at my front door when everyone walked in for Christmas dinner, they had to put their phones in the basket because I feel that we tend to the minute that we're not being spoken to, we tune out and I wanted to avoid that and that made it so that it, that resonated with me what you did there and she and your daughter was 100 percent right, right.[00:56:00]

And teens, I share that with you during this segment when we're talking to you because you can lead the way in this communication with your parents. You are absolutely powerful and capable to lead the way to have better communication and better relationship with your parents. You can lead that. We'd be thrilled for you to drag us along kicking and screaming really for sure confidence How do you deal in a world of Instagram and everybody's best moments immoralized with filters and all kinds of fake?

I I'm terrified honestly as a parent of my children growing up in this age Because so much of everything on their screen is fake, especially as we're moving into AI, right? What advice do you have for teens on dealing with their confidence? So if you, or if you feel that you, um, first and foremost, I want you to, you have to get some information, [00:57:00] ask yourself on a scale of one to 10, how confident am I, and that number 10 being you're super confident you walk in the room, shoulders back, you feel great about yourself.

Five. You walk in the room, you're not so happy. You, you're looking around, looking to see who's in the room, where can you fit in, where can you hide. Now you understand that scale of 1 to 10. Ask yourself, how can I improve it? Just one or two points. What is the action that I need to do? Here's the action. I want you to be intentional.

And what I do is find someone who looks the way you want, walks the way you want, speaks the way you want, and observe them and look at them and say, Hey, what are they doing that I like? Can I adapt that to make it myself? So you're not trying to copy. You're not trying to be a carbon copy of someone else.

You're looking at them. And Brent has a great podcast here and I want to, okay, how can I set up my screen? How can I have a light behind me? These are the things. And then you adapt so that it fits you. And you start with something [00:58:00] small. You want to have micro wins, which will turn into your ultimate confidence.

Being intentional means that you're willing to work on it. If I want to be a better athlete, I have to be a better athlete. I have to do the sport, but I want to lift bigger. I want to be stronger, have to lift the weights. Being confident isn't something that everyone's born with, but it is a learnable skill.

And that is my first rule for being confident. Okay, now we definitely have to talk, we talked to parents about self worth and self esteem. Now let's talk to teenagers about their self worth, their self esteem. How do they build that up in a positive way? I love that. Now this is, this is where I, this is a little funny, but yes, I do believe in affirmation.

I believe in programming the mind to believe what we want to achieve. And in order to do that, you have to find, and I'd say, write five things down. First of all, what am I capable of? So I want you to write down, what are you capable of? I am [00:59:00] capable of doing X, right? I'm capable of being a great student.

I'm capable of being an all star basketball player. I'm capable of being the best brother, sister. Whatever that is you want. And I want you to say that over and over to yourself. I like myself. I like myself. I like myself. I like my smile. Find that one thing that you know, that's unique and special about you and really embed it into your mind.

And consistently think about that. Now, here's the action. I want you to take out post its or a piece of paper and put those things on your wall. So, because the first thing you get when you wake up in the morning, you want to see something that's going to be inspiring, powering, empowering of you. I do this with a lot of my students and they come up with five affirmations that they can say the first thing in the morning and right before they go to bed.

It's called programming. If you program your mind that think a certain way, you're going to feel a certain way. You're going to create new actions. Those new actions will give you a new result. So here's the thing. [01:00:00] If you are a teen listening to this and you want to improve your self image, you have to start by being intentional and programming your mind.

I am capable. I am able to do S, Y and Z. And you do that often enough. And here's how long, 21 days. I want you to try it for 21 to 30 days. That's three weeks to a month. Give it a shot and tell us exactly what your results are. How do you feel about yourself? And then you retest yourself on a scale of one to 10.

Where are you now? See, I can't take you from a five to a 10 in a month, but I can take you from a five to a six, a six to a seven through putting the steps in that necessarily are going to get you the result you want. Now guys, if you're, uh, if you're getting something out of this, if. We're having a good conversation here and you want to see more of it.

A share this with other parents or teens that need to hear it. That's, that's the most important thing you can do. Okay. I'd love for you to leave us a review or tell us we did a good job or yay. [01:01:00] Share this with a parent or team that needs to hear it. That's the most valuable thing you can do. With the show, if you're getting something out of it, let me know if you, if Rahz and I need to have a follow up conversation, we can deep dive into one of these topics or any one of them.

Tell us about that because we want you to get the most out of this. Rahz, we got parents, we got teens all listening right now. What are the first three steps that they can implement to start to build a better relationship together? First step in building a better relationship is scheduling a family.

Here's why you want to have this meeting and you use a talking stick and the talking stick allows the person who's holding the stick and it could be, but whatever that that's symbol is, they are the ones that speak and everyone else has to listen and everyone gets to speak. And during this meeting, everyone's going to talk about what they need the [01:02:00] family to be.

more of what they would love the family to evolve into. This is going to allow to get everything out on the table. And then after we do that, I want you to take an exercise and I want you to guys to spend individual quality time, mom, dad, dad with the daughter, son, so on and so forth. And like you were saying, Brent.

You have to have this intention. This time has to be uninterrupted. It can't be like doing something else, taking calls for work, nothing like that. Just mommy, daughter, daughter, dad, so on and so forth. Why that's important because we need to reconnect that passion of family again. And that is so often lost because we're so busy.

We're online, we're doing things, we're making things happen. And the last thing I want you guys to do is self care. I want you to spend 30 minutes every week. Yes. Every week I pick Sunday just to to reflect. It's time for you to be with yourself. Teens, you can start to do this. Journal, parents, you can do this.

Get a journal. What [01:03:00] was the wins this week? What were some of the challenges, and what would you like to change in the coming week? If you do this consistently, you're gonna see your growth, you're gonna see your connection, and most importantly, you're gonna see your family elevate their connection together.

Awesome. What is next for Ross slaughter? Any big projects coming up? Yeah. Oh, wow. I mean, I am, like I said, I'm a red for those who are going to follow and learn about the color code. I've always got a goal and something right now. I'm excited that on Saturday when this comes out, but this will be April 6 on Saturday, I'll be riding 100 miles for Ms.

So I'm getting on a bike and for eight hours I'll be pedaling away. But right before after that, I'm looking for my next big race. And it's something that I want to do for teen boys who don't have a father. So I'm putting something together. And I might reach out to you and get some information and some, uh, some assistance as well.

100 miles. Wow. [01:04:00] My legs are hurting just thinking about that. Where is the best place for people to connect with you? I'd say the best place would be anywhere on social media, Instagram at Rahz Slaughter. That's R A H Z S L A G H T E R. Or you can find me at the unstoppable teenager. com. You guys will have, of course, all his information, all the links down below.

I want to make sure you can connect with Rahz. And if this is something, if, if Rahz can help you and your family grow, uh, in this. Tumortual is a time that people are very uncomfortable with. I really don't, I don't know, understand what big deal about raising teenagers is, but like, I hear everybody panic about it.

It always makes me laugh. People, I, I I've heard it since my kids were born. I was like, just wait until they're teenagers. I was like, do you understand? I worked with teenagers for 20 years. They're some of my favorite people. Teenagers I can at least communicate with. Absolutely. Uh, [01:05:00] when they were little, like babies drove me insane.

Cause it's like. I fed you, you're clean. I don't understand. I'm holding you and you're upset. You can't tell me why it was as a dad. It was so frustrating. Teenagers. Like I love my 12 year old. I love both my kids, but they're at that age where they're starting to be able to communicate what they're thinking and what's going on and what's bothering them.

Abby and I were walking this morning and, and she's like, my heels hurting. It's like, did you lace your shoes up? Right. I mean, we can have this conversation, right. To fix the problem. And I'm all about fixing problems. So for me, that's a, Point now, and I know everybody on was totally worried about when the Cuban missile crisis was because none of you paid attention to history class and you guessed 1982.

The answer was 1962. A little before us. Yes. Um, I know all of you were just starved for that. Out of all this, that, that was him. No, it wasn't. It was not the important takeaway. The important takeaway was none of [01:06:00] us paid attention in history class. Yeah.

Rahz, wrap us out. If. Teens and adults. Cause I don't always get a lot of teenagers on here. I'm hoping that my main listenership will bring their teens into this with them. But we got teens and adults right now. If they heard nothing else, we said today, what do you want them to hear before we go? If you just listen to this part of the segment of the podcast, what I want you to believe is that anything that you truly want to achieve in your life.

But here's what I don't want you to do not buy anyone's limiting beliefs about what you can have what you can do where you Can become because they're limiting beliefs don't have to become your story You can be the author of your story and it starts today and believing in yourself guys with that That's nothing I can add to that.

Thanks for hanging out with us today. Thanks for joining us on the conversation Be better tomorrow because what you do today We'll see you in the next one. [01:07:00] This has been the Fallible Man podcast. Your home for everything man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www.

thefallibleman. com for more content and get your own Fallible Man gear. We'll see you in the next one. Bye.