The Art of Keeping the Spark Alive in Your Relationship

[00:00:00] If you're truly devoted to your marriage, whether you're just starting out or been in it for 20 years, the art of keeping the spark alive in your relationship is something you need to learn. But let's start at the beginning. Congratulations to you if you found the one. You survived dating and she decided that yes, she will marry you.

She knows you better than most people will ever know you. And she still loves to commit to life to you. That's that's great. That's amazing. Your personality and charm worked. The first days are a whirlwind of romance and puppy dog love. You don't fight. You never argue. She can do no wrong and is damn near as close to perfect as you'll probably ever find.

That kind of stuff that, you know, makes other couples kind of yak like a rom com movie. Even better, you pass the tricky three year mark, maybe, or even the five year mark, and now you're starting real life together. The charm doesn't quite carry you as far, you argue some, you fight occasionally, you know [00:01:00] how, you know, you know that other person's not perfect anymore, that veil's gone, so now it's time to put in the effort.

In today's episode, we're going to learn how to keep the spark alive because it's an ever changing process. But I've got five tips for you that will apply to every phase of your marriage. I guarantee it. So let's get into it.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential growing into the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question. In this podcast, we'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man podcast.

My wife and I will officially celebrate 23 years and 25 years of starting your [00:02:00] journey together in just a week or two. I was 21 years old when Sarah married me and she was 19 and we said, I do. And she's still here, despite the fact that I'm not. Always the easiest person to live with. And we've learned a lot in 23 years of marriage, full disclosure.

We haven't always done it right. I certainly haven't done it. All right. This is an episode I could have used several years ago. So I wanted to share some of the thoughts on this to help you avoid the mistakes I've made. Because keeping the romance alive was not actually my best work for a long time. In fact, I kind of really sucked at it.

My wife will tell you, I don't, I don't pretend I was great at it. But I've learned five things in this 23 years that despite whatever phase your marriage is in, will really actually help you keep that spark alive because the things that worked at the beginning won't hold the line moving forward. By the way, my name is Brent and welcome to the [00:03:00] fallible man podcast.

You're home for all things, man. Big shout out to fallible nation. That's what I call people who have been with us for a long time. And we'd love to have you be part of that group. A warm welcome to our first time listeners. Hey, there's a lot out there competing for your attention. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving us the opportunity.

To spend some time with you today. If you enjoy the show, or if you have any comments about the show, be sure and connect with me on Instagram. That's my main platform at the fallible, man. I'm also on most other platforms that are at the fallible, man. Let me know what you thought. I'd love to hear your opinion of the show and thanks for taking the time to just check us out.

If you really like it, Hey, share us with a friend. If the episode helps you, that's the greatest compliment you ever give us. And I'd really appreciate that. Now, marriage, marriage is tricky. Marriage is hard, so if you're looking for an easy answer, this is not the place that's going to lie to you and tell you that works.

Marriage moves in some distinct phases, and it's charted [00:04:00] weird and argued weird by marriage experts, because there's one big disruptor that alters it. Being universally consistent and that's when, and if you have kids, however, the things we use to start our relationship are not going to serve you the same 10 years or 20 years in.

Now, here's how I break it down. This isn't like you won't find this in a book somewhere. Uh, this is just my experience. It's the puppy dog years or years one through three. And that's, that's just sickening rom com kind of relationship. Uh, you love it. The rest of the world doesn't exist. And other couples are just awkward around you.

Cause we're like, yeah, you'll grow out of that. Don't listen to the jaded couples. Enjoy it. Right. You have your adjustment years to the fact that you're not all perfect in that four through six at seven to 10, you're actually thinking that you have a chance. You might actually make this thing work from 10 to 20.

You're doing life and you might actually see this [00:05:00] through. And then after about 20 years, you hit that, who are we? Where are we? Phase. Because usually you've had kids somewhere in the first four phases and the kids are leaving the house at that point. And that's actually where most marriages dissolve because you find out that you didn't do anything for yourselves in those child years.

So the kid years, they can impact anywhere in those first four phases. Cause that's usually where you have kids and they're actually the cause of number five, who are you? Where are you? So how do we keep the spark alive in all of these years? Because what worked in one is not going to work in 10 and it's certainly not going to work in year 15.

Well, guys, I've charted five things, five that will always help you keep the spark alive at any phase of your marriage. Now, this is from 23 years of marriage experience, but this is also from years of going to marriage classes and just being around [00:06:00] couples that have been married for going on 40, 50 years.

So here are five things. I promise every phase of your marriage, this will help keep the spark alive. Number one, strong leadership is always sexy purpose driven men who practice true leadership will always be attractive to their spouse. Now I've done a lot of leadership videos. But if you haven't caught any of those, a go catch those, but that includes listening to your spouse and taking their advice and the viewpoint into consideration.

But mainly you have to have established yourself as a leader in that relationship. That doesn't mean the dominant. That means a leader in that relationship to the point where she has complete trust and belief that you are always working towards your combined vision of the future together. If she has no doubts that you are leading the future together.

Towards y'all's best days together, that's always sexy. That is something that will always keep sparking your marriage because [00:07:00] women like to know that that is at the forefront of your mind. That's direction you're going. Number two, the dad bod is never sexy. I was going to put this later in the list cause I didn't want to pick on it.

But your spouse wants you to look good for her. Okay. Women pretend they aren't as visual as men, but they are. Okay. You may not have to maintain that washboard abs you had at, you know, 18 years old or 17 years old. But unhealthy is never a good look. And no matter what she says, your spouse actually wants you to at least look healthy and good for her.

Because it also tells her that as long as you're doing that for her, like do it for yourself, but as long as you're doing that with her in mind and you're telling her, it's like, Hey baby, I want to look good for you. I love you. I want to look good for you. Right. She wants that arm candy too. And that you're actually thinking about her opinion of you.[00:08:00]

We'll always carry weight. It will always be attractive. Number three, intentionality is always sexy. The dad bod is never sexy. Intentionality is always sexy. Stay intentional about nurturing, nurturing your relationship. Maintain a date night. This is something that I screwed up for years. I stopped dating my wife.

One of the greatest mistakes I ever made in my marriage. Let me be just a hundred percent transparent about that. Implementing date night was one of the best things I did for my marriage in years. Keep dating your wife. Uh, I have a good friend diamond. Well, it's been on the show several times and that's one of Dye's bylines is, you know, dating my wife 20 years strong or whatever.

Uh, that's still a big focus for him. So be present when you're with her. It doesn't have to be expensive. Okay. I know like all of us right now, we're worried about money, economy, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't have to be expensive. You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a date night. [00:09:00] It can be simple things.

You know, her y'all know what's good for you together. My wife and I coffee in the gun range, baby. That's that's a huge date for us. We love that time together. So, you know, what pushes those buttons and moves the needle for you. Be intentional. Prioritize your relationship. Leave little notes, small things matter.

Communicate actively with her. Be intentional about y'all's relationship. If you're intentional and present in that relationship, guess what? That's it. That that sends signals in her that sends messages to her that helps keep that spark alive. Number four, stress relief is the game changer, game changer guys.

If you hear nothing else in this podcast and you want to keep the spark alive in your marriage, you need to pay attention to this segment right here. Stress relief is a game changer in keeping the spark alive in your marriage. With the difference in the way our brains are wired. This gets missed by most men, men see sex and physical [00:10:00] contact as a form of stress relief.

Women need stress relief to want to have physical intimacy. This is one of our biggest disconnects. This couple of like, we are just button heads here. Guys are like, man, I need to just. Bring it down a notch. And intimacy is one of the ways I do that. Women are like, I'm losing my mind right now. What do you mean intimacy?

You want to keep that spark alive, remove the stress from her life. And it's one of the sexiest things you will ever do. And it doesn't matter if y'all don't have kids or you do have kids. If you take care of the things she's worried about and lighten her load, this will lead to more physical intimacy, which is important for staying bonded.

But this is the disconnect we miss. So relieve the stress. She needs to be de stressed, not be worried to want to seek intimacy. You're seeking intimacy because you want to de stress. This is the disconnect [00:11:00] promise. This alone will change your relationship for the better. So help relieve her stress and anxiety.

I guarantee your marriage will stay a lot more spark filled. Number five, be aware and interested in her life. Women don't think men listen to them. The sad thing is a lot of times they're right. So listen to your spouse, know what's going on with her, her friends, her work, her fears. Your kids ask about all those things, be involved with those things.

And listen, when she talks about them, crucial, crucial, little note here, how she is feeling about them is actually more important than the state of the things as they actually are, how she feels about her friends, how she feels about her work. How she feels when she's thinking about the kids, [00:12:00] feels are big, but you need to listen and be aware of what's going on with her and take interest in her life and communicate about with her and listen, when she talks about it, this is sexy to women.

I guarantee it will increase the spark in your marriage. Now, these five things will always serve your marriage, no matter where you are in your timeframe. Three months in or 40 years in these five powerful tools will help you keep the spark alive and your marriage tuned up to peak performance because I love you guys.

Here's a bonus tip. Learn to cook. If you follow the channel for any length of time or the podcast, you know, I'm a big believer in men being able to cook. And there's a lot of reasons behind that. But men who can cook a quality meal are always sexy for women. Uh, I don't know a single woman who will disagree with that, but this will help you being able to cook a healthy meal, a good meal for your family, whether it's for your spouse or for your family, depending on where you're at in that stage, [00:13:00] this will help you with all of the five points we just talked about and can be utilized effectively in all 45 points that we just talked about.

Now, if it sounds like a lot of work to you, then you're in for a shock because marriage, the last lifetime are a lot of work and you have to be willing to fight for what you started. And if you aren't willing to fight to the death for that relationship, you never should've got married in the first place.

People get married too easily these days. If you're down to fight for your relationship, these six tools, I promise you, your marriage will stay hotter and better than most believer possible. They're game changers. My guys, I promised you some tools. I guarantee these will help you. These will be a game changer in your marriage.

I appreciate you taking time to hang out with me today. If you want to be part of the show, you can be featured on the show by going to my website and recording the message. I've got a little script for you. If you record [00:14:00] this and there'll be a link below where you can record this from your computer or from your phone.

I will put it into the show as part of the show. I'd love to have you on here because you guys are what makes the show what it is. And so I love to start having you guys featured more prominently on the show and it would just be a cool segment. So if you want to record it, be in the episode. Go to the link below, follow the template, and it'll end up being in one of the shows guys, fight for your marriage.

If you got married for the right reasons, your marriage is worth fighting for. It takes active work to maintain a marriage for a lifetime. These five things are six things will absolutely move that needle. No matter what phase of your marriage you're in. I promise your marriage will stay hotter and that spark will last longer.

Thanks for hanging out. Be better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see you in the next one. This has been the fellow [00:15:00] woman podcast. You're home for everything, man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe. So you don't miss a show head over to www. thefallibleman. com for more content and get your own fallible man gear.