The Power of Perspective: Reframing Hardship and Finding Meaning with Coach Randy Brown

[00:00:00] Hey, my name is Brent. And at the end of this episode of the Fallible Man podcast, you will discover how to turn life's challenges and opportunities, learn how to navigate tough times and emerge with a resilient mindset, gain insights into the dangers of porn addiction, and learn how to rebound from rock bottom.

As we talked to the legendary former Division 1 basketball coach, Randy Brown, who went from the top of his game Then he lost two Children to a rare disease and had to live through that. And in his depression, lost everything to his point addiction and landed him in federal prison. Randy now coaches pro athletes, NBA division one coaches and speaks with people about recovering from rock bottom.

Check out this quote from Randy and let's get into it. We live with the opportunity to become scarred, but smarter. It's the title of a song by someone who's become a friend of mine. Kevin Kenny. Who is a phenomenal singer songwriter for the, for the eighties band driving and crying. And [00:01:00] Kevin is a very relevant artist.

These days, Kevin Kenney wrote a song called driving and crying, which has the greatest lyrics. If anybody ever wanted to explain about We were never offered any free life of, uh, free from pain or, or, or any of that. He wrote a song about it and his lyrics are phenomenal. The name of the song is scarred, but smarter, not scarred, but I'm giving up scarred, but I'm going to get my butt up and I'm going to move forward and I'm becoming smarter.

Let's all be scarred, but smarter. Thanks, Kevin. Kenny.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential? Growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question. [00:02:00] In this podcast, we'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast.

Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. Your home for all things man, husband, and father. Big shout out to fallible nation. That's our private community. There's more about that down in the description and a warm welcome to our first time listeners. Hey, I know there's a lot of noise out there, so thanks for checking us out.

We really do appreciate it. Be sure to reach out to me at the fallible man on pretty much any social media platform. And let me know what you thought of the show. I'd love to hear your opinion on it. Uh, it always helps me make a better show for you guys. And if you really enjoyed it, be sure to leave us a pod, uh, review on Apple podcast that always helps us reach more people.

My name is Brent and today my special guest is coach, speaker, and author Randy Brown. Randy, welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. Brent, thank you for having me. This is a great way to start our day here, uh, early in the day and I love what you're doing and to be a part of it, uh, here [00:03:00] this morning is a tremendous honor.

Well, thank you, Randy, for those kind words. Now, Randy, we, we start out pretty, pretty light here. How's your trivia knowledge, pop culture? Uh, not real strong. Uh, I gotta be honest with you. Fair enough. There is no wrong answer in this first segment of the show. You're doing good. Here we go, guys. Here's the trivia question of the show.

What Game of Thrones character is known as the young wolf? Is it Rob Stark, Arya Stark, Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, or Bran Stark? Oh my gosh. I have like zero knowledge of that question. So, let's see, being a former high school teacher, I'm gonna say C. C? Sansa Stark? Alright guys, you know the rules, play along, don't cheat, don't Thrones enthusiasts.

And for God's sake, if you're driving, please do not write down your answer. Just stick in your head till we get done to that part of the show. [00:04:00] Now, Randy, I'm not big into introductions because no one actually gives a crap about accolades. It's, it's unfortunately overplayed. Uh, so just in this moment today, who is Randy Brown in your own words?

Well, thanks for that question. That's that, that beats any introduction any day I am. I'm at a point in my life where I really feel like I've. come to terms with a lot of the things that maybe I didn't understand or maybe I couldn't grasp why they were happening or certainly the big things in your life, why those have happened.

But I know today that I'm really only trying to do two things every, every single day. And number one, Is is to be the best version of what I can be every day. And that's as a, [00:05:00] um, as a, uh, a follower of Christ. That's as a friend. That's as a father of my 2 girls. Um, that that's as, um, we're just really trying to, to come from a, a, a deep and valuable place.

through the people that I have relationships with in my life. And so that that's not my primary focus, though. That would be a secondary focus. I like you through the life that we've lived so far have realized that there's a lot of hurting people in this world. And we both have determined that it's the male that, that we want to work with.

We want to be a resource for, we want to be able to, uh, help them make better decisions. [00:06:00] And be a better father and whatever they do, uh, you know, with their profession. Um, and that, that is something that I am totally committed to, but I'll tell you, it's, it's been amazing. I can only say that because through time it's kind of the steering wheel of my life has kind of steered me in that direction with a lot of signs, with, with a lot of people who have indicated certain things.

And I just didn't, you know, come up with this. It's taken years. And so part of me, again, is the individual, is the person trying to, to be the person that God created me to be. And the other is to be here as a resource and a voice. And, uh, and a hug for, for men who need to be transparent because their best life isn't being [00:07:00] recognized yet because they're holding themselves back big time.

And that really motivates me. So that has to be a huge part of, of who I am too. I love it. I love it. And I, that clicks so well with our audience guys, he's here for all of us. Collectively, we're gonna have a great conversation, but you know, we got to get some really deep stuff out of the way. So orange juice, pulp, some, none.

How do you take your orange juice? Well, I've, I've had my coffee, so I'm ready to roll. No, I mean, personal preference, orange juice, pulp, no pulp, some pulp. Oh, I see. Uh, some. If you had to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? A dish of my mother's Spanish rice. Yeah. Yes. That sounds good.

Lifetime favorite. [00:08:00] I live in a highly Hispanic area. So I love this rice. Yeah, it's hard to find. It's so generic. This is yeah, she had it figured out. She had a good recipe. You could have a conversation with anyone living or dead. Who would it be? And why?

Oh my gosh, there's so many. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna say John Wooden. John Wooden was the basketball coach at UCLA who won 10 national championships and is probably regarded as the greatest coach ever. But he always, and I've met him before but never had a chance to talk, he was so insightful about the [00:09:00] fundamental requirements of playing the game and living life in the right way that he, that he had it boiled down to something as crazy, if you can believe it, as he would give his players a lecture on the first day of practice on how to put on their socks.

So, Wow It's a guy they call the greatest basketball coach in the history of the game. And to him, he, he could not start a season and not start that first practice without properly teaching them how to do that. And it was all about, I mean, there's a lot to it. It's, it's kind of a, it's kind of a long answer if, if, because I've heard him interviewed and heard him be asked that question.

The way he saw the game, most of us, and it's kind of like, How we see life, you know, it's, it's a big confusing pressurized deal. Well, he never [00:10:00] saw coaching like that. He never saw his life like that. First of all, he was a Christian, but he. He, he was all about breaking things down into very simplistic fashion and then explaining why that's important.

You know, most people will watch a game or any type of competitive, whether it be a board game, you know, what, you're going to have a winner and a loser, whether it be an athletic guy, most people will see it. They're just cheering for who makes the most baskets. And you know, they're looking at the bigger picture.

And the guy was so. incredible as as an educator of young men that He spent time on the things that you would think that a kindergarten teacher would spend time on, which I'm sure they do. You know, you know how to buckle your boots before you go out in the playground type of thing. Well, I would bet Pete John wouldn't.

And I, I've always [00:11:00] had tremendous respect for him. And again, like I said, I did get a chance to meet him a couple of times because of his record and because of what he accomplished based on how he taught the game is the reason I'm really attracted to that guy. So that'll be my answer. I like it. I'm not familiar with the name.

I have heard vaguely because I've heard about his speech about putting socks on. Uh, that's interesting to put context. So it was years ago. I heard someone talk about that and I was like, at the time I was young enough. My brain just went, I don't get it. Yeah. Don't get it. Yep. So later with a little context makes more sense.

I want to add this to there's something that, you know, John Wooden was, was so great at he had what was called the pyramid of success, which are the blocks that he thought were, were were building blocks in the form of a pyramid [00:12:00] that represented how you are, um, successful in any venture. He then went on further because they said, what do you mean successful?

Because that's a, that's kind of a, a word that everybody has a different definition for. So John, I would, I would ask our listeners to look up John Wooden and because I, I won't, I won't go into it, but this would be a great thing for them to, to search and find later, uh, search for John Wooden and his definition of success.

It is phenomenal. And something that I think we all need to have, um, the younger, the better, uh, to try to figure out this world is to try to figure out what this word success means because everybody uses it, but nobody really knows what it is or can define it. And if we're going to use that word and put value into that word.

It would be really awesome if we had [00:13:00] our own definition of it because comparison is a nasty animal, nasty. And we all get wrapped up in it. And, um, certainly big houses, cars and money is what most people think about and prestige when you hear about success. But it doesn't have to be because if you don't define it that way.

but define it and then live that way. And some of the happiest people are the people that don't have much. So it's not about belongings. We know that it's got to start from there, but anyway, John Wooden's definition is phenomenal. That's homework for today. For all of you who are listening and we're not watching the video version of this.

I was looking down at my keyboard a second ago because I was typing that into my browser. So I have it after the show because I'm going to look it up. That's something that we've talked about a few times on the show is defining what success looks like to you. So I would really love to get the context [00:14:00] on the rest of that.

What purchase of a hundred dollars or less have you made in the last year that's had the biggest impact on your life?

I would say an audio book. Yeah, anyone in particular that I purchased? Um, yeah, in fact, I just put it away. I'm in my RV. I was organizing this morning. Um, uh, it, it's, it's on, um, uh, I'm trying to think of the title, but I'm working on, uh, uh, the topic of resilience and really digging down deep and, and doing research on it.

And I came upon this book and it's phenomenal. Um, I mean, it really shifted me because I've always thought of resilience as being [00:15:00] this, but it's really shifted me because we can, I believe that we can actually teach people strategies for becoming more resilient before what I call the big hurt of our life hits.

unbeknownst to us. And so there's kind of a lot of preparation to it as I'm learning. So I, what I did is, um, cause I drive a lot. Uh, I went out and got several, uh, audio books all on the same topic cause I wanted to, cause I was researching, but this one forced me, forced me to pull off the road. I mean, I mean, like on purpose drive off the road, uh, and and sit with a couple of thoughts I had from from this audio book and I would say in the last year that's I don't I can't think of anything that's moved me like this has is pretty profound and it's really guided my my learning.

on [00:16:00] resilience. And it's a topic that I'm going to really run with because I think it's something that can be taught. If it can be taught, it can be learned. And then we then we have, you know, we have tangible steps that somebody is able to take. Um, if we can't handle Uh, the big and small stuff in life, man, life gets really, really complicated and it goes from stubbing your toe in the dark at night.

Um, that could be adversity and it's how we deal with those things and the big hurt when the big hurt hits, you know, that's, that's, that's the kind of thing, Brent, that we see people's lives changing. And you see someone going from, uh, potentially living a great life to a suicide attempt and say, how did that happen?

How did he make that shift? And sometimes the [00:17:00] bigger the adversity, the bigger our movement either to the positive or to the negative becomes. And so hopefully in my work with, with folks through speaking and coaching, uh, I can introduce resilience. Awesome question. Cause you really pushed me on that one.

And that I would have to say that's what it is because I I've had a ball. Like I didn't know anything about resilience at all in my research. So it's going to be a fun thing to, to grab and run with. And we'll see if we can get Randy to shoot me the name of that book. When he finds it, I'll put it in the show notes for all you guys.

So you can see what we're talking about on that one. Yeah, because now I want to read the book, one of the hardest things about doing podcasts and stuff like this is when I'm talking to my guests, I look down a lot because I want to take notes while we're talking, I've got a page open so I can make like notes, I want to cover this and Put the note in to call [00:18:00] Randy about getting this book title later.

Right. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But, uh, I, I have a really bad habit. Sometimes I've gotten caught a few times where there was just dead silence. Cause I'm busy typing notes. My guests get silent. I know what's up, right? Well, I guess I'm talking all of a sudden I'm like, Oh crap. So here guys, just, uh, because I do have like multiple, I have one note open on my computer.

I've got a word document open. And, uh, while we're recording this, because I'm, I, I get obsessive, like I'll hear something that just, I, and I know exactly what you mean by the audio books. Hey, I, I recently was only about four years ago. I started listening to audio books, which changed my life because it allowed me to listen to more books.

But there are those audio books that it's like you're listening to in the car and it's like you just either turn it off because you can't stop and take notes. Yep. It's like, I'm gonna have to this [00:19:00] later or you just pull over. But I'll do the same thing once. I'll tell you what I found out though.

There's a, there's a hack for that. So when you're listening, listening on audible and there's what's called car mode, if you go into car mode, you can actually hit a button and it will mark where you were, right? And, and it will cover like a minute's worth of content. So when you go back, you it's like, you've made all those notes that it's, it's there for you.

I didn't know that was there. It's amazing. It's amazing. Yes. I use it constantly as a fellow pull over to the side of the road. And like I pulled over and just sit on my phone and taking notes. We got a new way for you now. Yes. Yes. I'm going to use Carmo now. I'm excited about that. I like [00:20:00] it. What is something everybody should know about you before we dig into today's topic?

When I was eight years old, I knew I wanted to be a basketball coach. How? I don't know how it happened, but it happened. I remember the day. I remember a lot of things about the day. Because I was at a high school basketball practice, and I knew the head coach. Coach and he was coaching and doing his thing.

And I asked my dad after practice, who was the sports writer of the local newspaper. So we were obviously in cahoots with all the coaches and I grew up in gyms. Um, which is, which was a blast. I remember asking my dad, well, how does he get paid? You know, he goes, well, they pay him for coaching basketball. I heard that.

And I'm like, because I was already smitten as a little basketball player, you know, and I'm like, what? Okay, that's really cool. They could pay me for [00:21:00] being a coach like coach Dutch use me. And so that was a gift because I didn't have to change careers and bounce around and do different things, at least initially.

So. Yeah. At eight years old, I figured out my career path. And guys, we're going to get into that because Randy was a career division one coach, uh, but we're going to dive more into that in the second part of the show. We've been just getting to know who Randy is now at this point in his life. And the next part of the show, we're going to dive into three of my favorite R words, resilience, responsibility, and reflect reflection.

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It's really a triple win. So why wait? Head over to mypillow. com slash TFM. Or call 800 796 9775. That's 800 [00:23:00] 796 9775 to order now. You can't be your best without a good night's sleep. And my pillow delivers guys. Welcome back. The first part of, so we spent some time just getting to know who Randy Brown is at this point in his life, because there's a whole lot more backstory we're going to get to in this part of the show, we're going to dive into my favorite three hours, resilience, responsibility, reflection, because I was really excited.

Randy, when we set this up, because these are some of my favorite things to talk about. Uh, and I, I've even. Then, you know, how people tease me a little bit. It's like, uh, you talk about that a lot. Well, they're the things that matter. So we, we talk about these things. Now guys, for point of reference, as we get going, uh, Randy wrote a book called rebound forward.

I read the book of course, and it will be on our bookshelf, just like always on my website. Uh, and so I have a lot of questions from that, [00:24:00] but Randy, we need to gain some insights on your story for the discussion. You've been a division one basketball coach. You've also been a federal inmate. Tell our audience what they need to know about you and your story to get some perspective on this discussion.

You know, it's really, it's really easy, uh, to answer that question because when, when I got involved in coaching, Other than my family, it's all I can see, eat, drink, think about. I mean, I thrived in, in my coaching career because it meant so much to me. When you do that, you are susceptible to going so far into something like a career [00:25:00] that Some other things can creep up on you or some other things can, can not be attended to.

Because of the time that you're committing to your job and, and, and then your family kind of gets what's left over. Um, so, I mean, I was always, if I'm going to do it, whatever it was, and in this case, it was coach college basketball, I'm going to do it at the highest level I can. And I was very fortunate to reach the high division one, the elite.

College basketball level, and I also was going to give it my best. I was going to give it my time. I was going to give it my focus and concentration. I was going to just be the best because I know this profession, like a lot of professions in sports, college and [00:26:00] professional. Have short shelf lives and it's all about winning and losing and it's all about money and and I, I knew that if I'm going to do this, I want to stay in this because I love this and I'm really going to give it my best, um, then, uh, so that sets the table a little bit about maybe how important it was, maybe too important.

To me, because when the big hurt, the big adversity hit in my life in 1992 with the death of our, uh, daughter, Meredith, I totally became, uh, isolated, uh, [00:27:00] I want to say probably, uh, disconnected, uh, to the things that really were the most important things in my life. So, and I think this is really crucial what, what we're talking about here, because, and I want, as I talk, I, I, I know listeners are out there listening live or they're, they're catching this later on.

And I just would, would ask them, what have been some things that caught you off guard and how did you respond to them? And were there some things that you did that you're proud of in your response to Big Hurt or are there things that you're not proud of? Um, very happy with yourself and maybe they're shameful things that you did in your response to big hurt.

So, [00:28:00] um, you asked the 2 part question. So, 1st, part about how driven I was about coaching and then the 2nd part. About we have to really be prepared and I know I've had people say, well, I don't want to think about things that are, you know, that, that horrible, you know, that things that can really alter your life, you know, the, the things that I don't even want to imagine are going to happen in my life.

I think it's, I think it's good though, to think about them in terms of. Not how it's going to make me look, but how am I going to respond to it? Because there's one thing I know about adversity, and adversity plays no favorites. And in my book, I talk about a child and his grandmother going from door to door, uh, uh, selling.[00:29:00]

And they, I, grandmother said, we're not going to come to a house that hasn't experienced adversity. There isn't one. You can keep knocking on doors the rest of your life. So that's 1 thing I know that that the community of of our world has in common. We're all going to face it. So, uh, I, I, I'm going to answer it in that way.

It's going to make more sense. As we move further ahead as to why committing myself so much to my profession became a deterrent after, after big hurt hit, but it'll, it'll make sense later. Believe me. Well, and on that note, so reading, reading through your book was extraordinarily difficult, uh, for me as a father of two little girls.

First there, there was Meredith and I thought, Oh my God, how do you recover from losing a child ever? [00:30:00] Um, I, I can't even imagine, I, I can't imagine how you even stood up the next moment and then to lose another child, uh, the chapter on Natalie, I, I was in tears. I'm not gonna lie. That just rained me. Um,

I, I, I thought about like, I had to stop and spend some time with those cause it, my daughter's my whole life. It's everything to me. And I have no idea, and you still had two children to take care of, and your wife, I have no idea how you even keep moving forward at that point. Uh, so when you talk about the big hurt, gentlemen, you're, you're not put this in some perspective.

We're, we're not talking [00:31:00] about the adversity of stubbing your toe. We're talking about life altering impact. I've, I've had one other guest who lost a child and it just, it's been their life into the tailspin and I just cannot begin to fathom that how you even picked yourself up and kept moving forward at all.

I know as a father, you had to. For your kids who were still with you. But, uh, so a I'm wow. Uh, B that, that was heartbreaking in the book. I was not, I was not ready for those chapters. Um, especially the second one, it was bad enough on the first chapter.

How do you find the strength to keep moving for. Your [00:32:00] kids at that point, it's combination of what, what you had said, Brent, you do it for your kids. Um, I, after Natalie died, I was in a place where I did not want to be in this world.

I remember saying to my wife, if they're going to go before us, Like, what is going on? I mean, just, it was, there was a numbness, there was confusion, there was just shock that it's happening again. There's so much of, of the surroundings of Natalie's death and, and the time after that I don't remember. It just was so, felt so repetitive that it was almost like a dream.

And I didn't have to remember, [00:33:00] but then I'd wake up and realize it was reality. The fact that you got to keep chugging for the people that look to you

is a monumental task and it's a tall order, but. It meant something to me. I mean, my dad told me that. My mom told me that. My in laws, who I love to death, they both told me that. Um, my senior pastor, who was, who was and is a good friend of mine, David Staff, At, um, at E Free Church in Ames, Iowa, told me that.

I heard that time and time again. And I even went as far as asking David, David, what happens to a person who commits suicide? What happens to them in the kingdom? Well, I mean, that's a deep question and I had to I had to [00:34:00] call him and we met and I said, I got some questions. I got to have answers to because I I'm really confused here.

And like I said, I don't I don't know if I'm long for this now. And in his infinite wisdom, he laid it out. And he laid it out in a way that, that gave, that gave me a chance to breathe a little bit and make me understand that while it's probably fashionable to say that you don't want to live and you just don't It's not when you get down to it, you know, it's not the answer and it wasn't and thank goodness.

I didn't choose that path, but I was there. I was there. Uh, I became so angry and so confused with with God on what was happening in my life. I mean, I had known [00:35:00] God to, to be for us, not against us. Right? And I find myself cursing God. I find myself pleading with Him. Why? I asked the question, why? And I got a great answer by the way.

Why? Why, why over and over and over and that is such a, it's something that comes naturally, but it's such a, such a pathetic question. As I learned later, I'm going to give you my answer now that I've baited everyone. This is one of the greatest answers. This is one of the things that helped move me in my life.

Towards where I am today and away from where I was, I consulted the same infinite wisdom of David's staff on this one too. And I said, David, I'm tired of asking why, but I am, I'm worn out [00:36:00] and I'm angry and I can't go forward until I know why, why, why have my children. Our Children be taken, been taken from us.

Why was it a rare disease? A rare disease, meaning we had no idea when it was going to start. We knew that in about an hour it could potentially stop. And that's about all the time that we had. Why? Why not other kinds of diseases? I mean, it's crazy thinking, but, and just over and over and over. And he had one of the most profound answers I have ever heard in my life.

I can't imagine. having the ability to calm me and put me in a peaceful place and really set up the rest of my life and afterlife. When David said, you may not like this answer, but reality [00:37:00] is that we were not created. To know why, you know what I said? Why you chose what he said? You can't say that anymore.

It's a question within a question. I can't answer. No, he said we weren't created to know all the things that go on during our physical physicalness here during life on earth, and that we have to step back and accept the fact our maker knows. But he didn't make us privy to knowing all the answers. He said, but you will know why eventually.

You will see your girls.

You will see your [00:38:00] girls again.

And you will know why. I talk in my book about the, about the quilt and the front of the quilt and the back of the quilt. And, and at that time, my life looked like the back of the quilt. But what David was saying was there's going to be a time in my life. After this life has passed and we're in the afterlife, um, in heaven, that we're going to be able to see the other side of the quilt.

And that's the That's the beautiful quilt that God is making for everybody. We don't know it cause we see the wrong side. And, uh, uh, and David was just explaining that. I, he said, I'm going to beg you to every time you are. motivated to ask why just stop and take a breath. [00:39:00] And I want you to just think about the summation of what we've just talked about here, about asking that question and man, you could feel the weight come off me like It was, it was, I mean, it was awesome.

And in that moment, I, there was this feeling, this manifestation of this weight being gone that I didn't have to Harbor that question and the responsibility for answering that, that he had done that for me. And I was going to get the answer and I was going to see my girls. And that really helped me set the stage.

For what I call, um, and I love the word, um, perspective that, that became a huge cog in the wheel of my definition of perspective and what it is. And I think perspective is a huge part of getting through big hurt and adversity. It's a [00:40:00] really long winded answer. But a, a, a monumental friend for me and my life and a monumental answer.

And it meant everything because without that, I would still be asking it and being tormented by it every single, and that's not a good place to be. Life changing questions, seldom have short answers. So that's, uh, man, I would, I would be in trouble because my favorite question ever is why I'm notoriously obnoxious about the wise.

Yes. Now, if that wasn't enough, that was the beginning, right? Now, a lot of people choose different vices, and we've talked about this on the show many times in the past. It starts with a click, [00:41:00] and you think you're hurting nobody, right? There are a lot of men who do not believe pornography is dangerous.

Some men choose to self medicate the pain with alcohol, some with drugs, some with porn, some with other addictions. who choose to self But you never know it's happening. And so with all this going on, you were looking for an outlet and fell down the path of pornography, which like I said, a lot of people think doesn't hurt if you guys don't believe it hurts, this will tell you.

And you can go back. I did a. two part conversation with a human, a child sex trafficking group that gets kids out of child sex trafficking. Uh, there's no such thing as an innocent crime or an innocent click at this point. And ended up in federal prison [00:42:00] for two years, right? Which eventually ended your marriage.

You, you got kicked in the teeth over and over, but here we are. on this side of it. Do you want to touch on that any or keep moving forward? No, I do. I do. Um, I want to touch on it because according to the statistics, it, it has made its pornography has made its way into about 70 percent of the life of all men that walk this earth or live in our country.

I hear these stats and they're frightening to me. So is it relevant? And is it not spoken about enough? Absolutely. So I, I, I [00:43:00] treasure the opportunity to talk about it. So I'll start with this, that when, you know, when we hurt, we're looking for an answer, uh, some resolution to the hurt. We want the hurt to go away.

And you know what? We can't. We can't make the hurt go away because grief is grief, and death is death, and tears are tears, and however you describe the bowels of your heart screaming out in pain, that's what it is. And I had a choice. [00:44:00] And life is a choice. Life is a series of choices. It's all it is. It's not about what happens in life.

It's about how we choose to navigate where it is we find ourselves in adversity. And I had two choices. My, my choice to the left was join my wife, uh, in Working through the grief of losing our 1st and then our 2nd child and actually our 3rd oldest or 2nd oldest Claire was hospitalized 3 times. It was on her deathbed and barely made it.

And so that's in there too. Um. I had a choice to join my wife and, as a couple, go through and grieve properly, as I call it. And there are, there are six stages of grief. As you read about grief, [00:45:00] there are typically six stages that you go through. And I could have chose that. And that was a, that was an opportunity.

And I, I decided not to. The choices we make have everything to do with the, with the consequences that could be ahead of us down the road. And it was for me. What I thought was, I want to get rid of the hurt. I don't want to think about this. I don't want to sit and, and be in this, just in a pool of tears, and snot running down my nose, and not knowing, forgetting what day, or what month it is, and just go into this oblivion of pain through grief.

And I thought, if I could just soothe, if I could just find something that would help me feel better. In the [00:46:00] interim, it could be a short, it could have a short window to it, or it could be a long lasting relief from this pain. I think that I like that better. I like that choice better. And at the time, Brent, it was my work that provided me, that was my first wave of relief that I chose.

And in college basketball, if you're doing it right, you, you work in 70 to 80 hours a week. So I just ramped that up another 15, 20 hours. And I literally was in the office. So I didn't have to entertain the pain. And so I used overworking and I know a lot of men do. Um, my second level of soothing and relieving myself of pain became alcohol and alcohol was always important to me.

It's, I always thought [00:47:00] it was kind of something you did as a coach because all the coaches I knew growing up Uh, drank and I thought, I thought that that was just, um, well, I was going to continue that because that always took me to a place where I felt like I could just even out and not think about the things that I didn't want to think about.

So I ramped that up and for quite a while, it was those two that, that I leaned on. When those weren't enough, it became pornography and I chose pornography. Um, I wasn't led down that path. I wasn't guided down that road. I wasn't anything. But, and, uh, I'll talk about how important this is taking responsibility for my choices, but, uh, I decided, uh, that I was going to purchase a computer.

I had just lost a job in [00:48:00] Florida and was really down on myself and really in a pity party. I was out of coaching for a year and didn't know if I'd ever get involved in coaching again. Uh, this home computer, when home computers became a big thing, was, was sitting there on my desk, and I remember turning it on, and I remember wondering, They say that there's everything in the world on, on these computers.

I wonder, and I chose at some point to access pornography on that computer. I chose at some point to access, uh, uh, pornography on that computer in different formats from pictures to video to, and, and ended up being, um, a chat room, uh, where I met my demise. Um, addictions have a way of, of going in waves [00:49:00] and at least in pornography, when whatever it is that I was involved in, whether it was video, let's say.

It gets to the point where it wears out the thrill wears off, and it's what's the next high? What's the next thing? Um, and I don't like to compare alcohol with pornography. I don't like to compare, um, drugs with with pornography. I'll just, I'll just stick to the way I saw it with pornography, but I got the point where we're off.

And I knew this though, and I know there are a lot of people are going to resonate with the next thing I'm going to say. I knew that pornography was wrong inherently and morally. I knew that I was totally betraying my wife and my marriage by accessing pornography. And I, [00:50:00] I knew there was everything wrong with it and nothing right with it.

Except for internally me feeling like I got it. I got a little bit of a respite from the pain. And to me, that was worth it at the time on this leveling up with pornography. It took me to a place. Where I guess I had always been in my head, you know, that they say there, there's, there's, there's the pornography of your mind and then there's actual pornography.

Well, the pornography in my mind are all the things that I had wondered about from, from a youth from the first time I saw that, that bit butane lighter on the, on the, on the grade school, uh, playground. That's the first time that I saw the naked, uh, form of a female. And that shaped to me, and that [00:51:00] is ingrained in my mind, it's shaped to me, what And since I saw it and I liked it and I thought it was pretty cool, then I always thought it was pretty cool.

Well, we're years down the road now. I'm in my early 40s. I'm not in third grade anymore. But isn't it amazing how that fascination is still there? And, and it was a chat room one night that I decided to get into. And for the folks that don't know, all a chat room is, is, A group of people decide to under a, under a topic or a, uh, a title or a, you know, a, a different, um, fascination, if you would, um, you enter a room with other people and you have a conversation by typing words onto a page.

That's literally what it is and how I [00:52:00] found that so alluring and arousing and drew me to it so much after all the pornography I'd seen in this journey of mine, I don't know how you think that would be one of the first levels for me. That was the last level. Thank goodness because obviously a person to person contact would be that would be the last level to me.

And I, and I never, I, I was never, um, in that place, thank goodness I can say that. But this would have been probably the level before it. And, but you, you type in, uh, things to other people. Well, what I'm typing in are the things that had always been in this mental pornography place in my mind. That I'd always wondered about or always wanted to say or always thought about.

And I'm typing away. And it was, it was very sexually charged. What I didn't know [00:53:00] that night was there was someone in that room who is acting, uh, or was purporting to be at least in the chat room, cause you can choose to be who you want, you know, gender age, and it was purporting to be a, a teenage female and so was involved in the conversation I was having and after the chat room ended this person who happened to be 43 years old and was a male I found out later.

Called the exploited children's hotline and, and turned me in and, and, uh, shared with them information on the chat that we just had. So I'm here to tell you guys that what you think is a harmless [00:54:00] picture, a harmless download, in my case, images that I received via email,

videos, and all the other Ways, shapes, and forms of pornography, including chat rooms, aren't that big of a deal. You have absolutely deceived yourself. The mind is so powerful. And Brent, I had deceived myself because I had created a world in my mind that made all of this okay. And when you make things okay, by saying I deserve pornography.

Men look at pornography, right? You and I could see it and probably come up with a thousand reasons [00:55:00] right now why it's okay. And when it's only you. You can create that kind of self deception. The power of more than me is, is the power of going in the right direction and not continuing in the wrong direction.

So I was living a secret life and it lasted six and a half years with pornography and not one human being on this earth knew about it beyond me. Now my maker knew, and I, I, I thought I was tricky and was just going to slide him into this little box. Okay. So that he wouldn't see me and didn't know that this was going on in my life.

Yeah, I'm real tricky. Tricky enough to, to be in a nine by twelve foot cell, uh, for two years, right? That's how tricky I was.

It, it, it is so, it, it's [00:56:00] so scary how we just can incrementally. get involved in pornography to the point where we're going to build ourselves a house and it's our house and nobody's going to know what goes on inside that house. And I say, when I speak on, on, on the topic of pornography, and I'm glad I thought of this cause I always want to get this out.

There's three A's that have to do with pornography and that's why it is so pervasive and so destroying so many families and marriages today. Okay. It has become acceptable. Pornography from television to billboards to what's on our cell phone has become acceptable. The way people talk, sexual innuendos, it has, it didn't used to be.

I grew up in the days of Leave it to Beaver, okay, in Gilligan's Island. I, you know, [00:57:00] we didn't know that. We didn't live like that. Our world wasn't like that, but it's become acceptable. Okay, it has become incredibly available.

I mean, I asked a college classroom one day at a university at Iowa State University where I was, uh, where I was still living in Ames, Iowa. How quick, how quick could we get the first person if we had a contest who could access pornography on their phone the quickest? How long would it take you to access pornography?

The answer was three seconds, which means the window was already up. They just had to hit the right button to access it. Scary. Available. The third one though, is the absolute clincher. And to me, for me, it's part of my story, but I know this to be true. [00:58:00] And as our listeners are hearing this, you can either nod yes or nod no, but the idea of Anonymity with pornography, can the fact that it can be anonymous to me is the thing that just puts the last stake.

Into the box and, and it's over. Okay. Because if you can do things that you know, other people would find deplorable that you find deplorable and to go against your faith and to go against the morals of your family and what your wife believes in your marriage. If you, if you create a world where that's okay, anonymity, Is is the final thing it's the 3rd thing and those 3 things right there to me explain why pornography is so prevalent and so destructive.[00:59:00]

So, if you want to know, you know, there are assessments men can, you know, a lot of men can take. Out there that, that will say, where are you on the scale? You know, are, are you, do you have a problem with, uh, uh, pornography? Are you addicted to porno pornography? Maybe, well, you can do the assessment or you can just ask, ask yourself how you, how you weigh in on those three things.

And if you say yes, and yes, and yes, then there is no question that you've got an issue. All that issue is going to do is get bigger unless you share your pain with somebody else. And if you do, you got a real chance of it dissolving. Picture a sugar cube sitting out on, on a piece of concrete on your sidewalk in front of your house.

And then picture. A torrential downpour [01:00:00] and that thing is going to disappear in a hurry. And that's what will happen to your fixation and your being drawn to pornography. If you share what's going on in your life with one other person. So say all you want to about the A's. Okay. The A's have you and you can say yes about them.

I'm telling you the only way out. You might be able to do it on your own, but I doubt it. Okay. Statistics will say you got a, you got a really small chance. One way I know for sure that can get you out of it is to share it with one other man. It can be your brother. It can be a good close friend. It can be somebody you don't know that well, but you just want to get it off your chest.

And the power of sharing that will give the potential for that sugar cube to [01:01:00] disappear on that sidewalk. The power. Brent, we're talking about secrecy and we're talking about hiding. We're talking about not coming forth with those things that shame us and when we hold them, they are so Dangerous and I can't implore enough To those that are gonna have a chance to listen to this that if you're in that place where you're tired of it You know, what's wrong?

You want to get it out of your life? Call a friend meet him for coffee and pour it out baby pour it out and it will disband Now there'll be a lot of work behind that. I'm not saying it's just some magic trick. There'll be a lot of work behind it because you have, you have a lot of habits built up to how you watch it, when you watch pornography, uh, what, what you watch.

I'm telling [01:02:00] you. You got it. You got a way out. You do. And it's beautiful. And I've seen it work 1000 times and it worked for me. Unfortunately for me, it worked. Brent because two federal agents walked in my office as as I broke down a videotape of the Nebraska Cornhuskers for a future game. And they asked me some questions to where I knew that they knew and they became my My buddy having coffee.

Okay. And, and I chose, I chose to listen to him and come clean, but they gave me an opportunity and that, that was my gift. That was the gift that I had. But I guess the gift that, that our listeners have is you, you're the real gift because you, you have sat there 250 sometimes and talked about issues that men can get help with and how to get help.

For all kinds of [01:03:00] different things. And today we're just talking about how they can do it with pornography and alcohol and other things, but a secret life is no fun. It's fun for a while, but now it's no good. Randy, one of the reasons we're having this conversation today is when you and I first made contact and started talking about doing the show and reading your book, one of the things that was just overwhelmingly present throughout your book, throughout, uh, the work you're doing now is you took responsibility for your life, for your choices, things that were even seemingly outside of your control.

You've taken personal responsibility for a lot of it. As you move, gone through it, as you pass through those moments, you've looked back and gone, this was me. I chose these things. I made these choices. I did this instead of blaming other people instead of, and I'm sure in the moment, there were those burned down moments where you're [01:04:00] just like, Oh, the world's against me, but you've come through on this side of these things, taking full responsibility for your choices and everything you did along the way, even things totally outside of your control, like your daughter's And that's part of the reason we're having this conversation, because for me, that's, that's huge personal responsibility is something that we're very, very much behind here at the fallible man.

And so on this side of this unreal story, right? You, you were a division one basketball coach, which most people can't even imagine. That life, uh, I, I see, I, I've coached little kids, but, you know, at that level, I, I have a lot more respect for division one players than I do even for professional athletes.

You've coached, you've been through these things with your family, with your choices on this side of the [01:05:00] story, what's the biggest takeaway? You've had before we roll to our next break.

Oh my God.

The fact that,

that we're on this show together means so much to me. The, and, and the fact that

people, the people I was surrounded with, I, I, I hope if people could see. My parents, my face of my, both of my parents, that's the face. I wish they could [01:06:00] see when they saw me and if they could see my two brothers and my sister and David staff, I wish they could see those faces when they see me and all the players I coached and all the guys I coached with, and then my dear friends, and I have some dear, dear friends, and if you could see the face of those guys, when they see me, because I am, I'm simply, I know this, I'm simply the product of a combination of being open minded and, and being willing to listen to the words of the people I just mentioned.

and those people being there for me. Without that, I'm not here because I am not so full of wisdom that I would have made the decisions [01:07:00] in the aftermath of what we've already talked about. To get me to this place. I couldn't have done it. I couldn't have, I'm too human. Okay. The people that I just mentioned, I owe my, I owe everything to everything because they had, and especially in the aftermath, you know, that they had, they had it in their heart to gauge the value and, and the, and the price of our relationship.

To be worthy enough to come to this guy's rescue to say, we don't condone what you did certainly and I wouldn't expect you to do it with me, but man, you, this is a part of the show where I can really get emotional because I remember these guys from my brother to my parents to, to, to, to my deep friends.

[01:08:00] I remember him saying, but you know, man, uh, there is nothing in this world. That would keep me from coming to your rescue and giving you a hug and hugging you so tight that you're going to lose your breath because I am here for you because you are my brother and no matter what happens, I'm going to be here for you.

That's that's everything. And that's the, that's the only way I can answer that question because without that, I'm not, I'm not an entity. I'm not here. I didn't write the book. Oh, I don't know you.

Um, the people we surround ourselves with that are done at a depth of relationship [01:09:00] and done in. And integrity and our friends for the right reasons

are immeasurable.

They can't, you can't put a price on these people

and for them just to be there, whether I saw them or not that day, you know, there's some, there's some tough days in prison, man. There's some, it's, it's a, it's a bad place. It's a negative, bad place. And there's some bad days, man. And I would think of these guys faces and just start laughing because I knew we were going to have our time.

And I knew my mom wrote me every day. My pastor wrote me every day, every day for 635 days. Who does that? Who can [01:10:00] do that? Who wants to do that? Um, so I would, to answer your question, that, that's what got me, that, that's what ushered in the guy that you're seeing right now. Because without them, I know I was not strong enough and I wasn't built in a way where I could have done it on my own.

And then, and then, I'll say this, but there are people hearing my voice right now who are living on their own. Who maybe haven't got caught yet. Maybe haven't been embarrassed yet. Maybe haven't lost that job because they're showing up drunk at work. But this is a forewarning. These tears are real and this is a forewarning that if you try to do it on your own, you're not strong enough.

I'm just telling you, you're not. And you're one [01:11:00] conversation and one cup of coffee away, erasing the chances of any of this happening. I already went to prison. I did the time for you. You know, I have, and, and I don't want you to do it. Transfer your pain to me. That's why I do what I do, because I have an opportunity to, so short answer, people in your life.

As we've been discussing resilience, responsibility, reflection. In this next part of the show, we're going to dive into picking yourself up after you fall down. We're going to roll our sponsor and we'll be right back with more from Randy Brown. Struggling to catch quality Z's at night? It's time to change that narrative.

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Don't wait any longer to upgrade your sleep quality. Let's make tonight the start of a better sleep and a better day is ahead. Now, let's dive back into the show. Guys, welcome back. In the last part of the show, we discussed resilience, responsibility, reflection. In this part of the show, we're gonna talk about picking yourself up after you fall down.

Now, if you've been around the show for any time, you might understand I'm a Batman guy. And one of my favorite things ever from the newer Batman movies was there's a line that says when Alfred looks at Bruce Wayne and goes, why do we fall down, Master [01:13:00] Bruce? We fall down so we can learn to pick ourselves up.

That line from Batman Begins encapsulates a profound truth. Falling down is part of life. It's inevitable. But it's a process of getting back up that we discover our strength, resilience, and capacity for growth. Every setback offers an opportunity to learn, to become wiser and to become stronger. It's not, it's through facing challenges and overcoming obstacles that we truly become our best selves.

Now, Randy has shared part of the story and you guys, like I said, The book will be on my bookshelf on the website, as well as I'm sure on Amazon or anywhere else, and we'll have links for it down below. Randy's been through the big hurt, as you use the term. Randy has been through some hard times. He's watched his life get destroyed by his choices, and now he's on this side of it.

And in this next few moments, Randy, if you would help us, how do we start to pick ourselves up? [01:14:00] Because this is the question really matters. Thank you so much. Because we're all going to fall down at some point and maybe a big fall down. It might be a small fall down, but being able to get back up, that takes effort and it's not always an easy path.

So how do we start to pick ourselves back up from these hard things? When I was in prison, I adopted the word perspective. Perspective is a word that was in the dictionary at the time. And I knew it was just a word in the English language. And I didn't know if it's of the gravity that it had. And you, it would keep popping up, whether it be my devotions in the morning, or I'd be reading, um, a purpose driven life, or I'd be reading some books, some biography, whatever.

And I kept, I kept seeing this word. So, to answer that question, I think it depends on what your perspective is. What do you, [01:15:00] what's your belief system? What do you really believe is true? Okay, I want you to think about, and I know, I know we've all seen this, it's, it's the little baby that's in with mom or dad into the doctor's office, and they've got to get their series of shots, and this child might be six months old, might be a year old, and the parent holds the child, and the doctor comes in with a needle that's too long, and is they're giving the baby these shots.

I want you to think about the face of this child, the sheer terror on the face. And they're looking at their parent as this pain is being inflicted. And their parent is like, it'll be okay. It's, it's okay. We have to have these shots. We have, it's [01:16:00] gonna help you. These shots are going to help. You're going to be glad you got these shots.

So from a perspective standpoint, let's take that little example and the confusion in that child's face. And let's advance it in your life to a time when you had some serious pain and you were looking at, and it might've been somebody, you know, your spouse might've inflicted that pain by something or decision they made.

And you're looking at them. with tremendous pain wondering why did you do this? You know, what is the deal? Or, uh, you know, they might've had an intervention. Let's say they had an intervention with you and you don't want to come clean, but you have to, and you don't want to go to treatment, but you have to, and you don't want to maybe lose your job, but you might have to.

And you're looking at them [01:17:00] like, why would you inflict all this pain on me? I'm just a little child here. And. With perspective, though, you understand what the pain's for the pain is here.

Misfortune and pain and adversity and all of those things are gonna manifest themselves in time to something for the good. Now it's, it seems like a crazy concept. What we don't like and what's hurtful and what's what we deem as bad is going to become good. It's gonna be done for the good of us. Now, if you can make that part of your DNA, if you can make that part of your belief system, I did because it was very helpful for me to do that.

Romans 8 28, look up Romans 8 [01:18:00] 28 and read it. And I, I used to read it, you know, and it said, you know, for all these things, all these things are being done for the good of those who trust the Lord. I say, well, I trust the Lord, but he's making some mistakes because he doesn't know what he's doing. And the idea is he does know what he's doing.

So I think it starts with, with getting up starts with perspective because if we don't have a perspective and we get knocked down and, and Brett, it, it, it is so, it is so common for couples to split and it is so tough is so tough. It is so common for people, for people to turn to addiction. And turn to negative behaviors and make poor choices in adversity because it hurts so darn much.

But as we have that feeling to [01:19:00] do that, we have to know that it's worth it to get us to the point, to get it, to get us to the other side. Okay. I hope that, and I know that what you and I have our eyes on doing today and doing tomorrow and doing down the road with other men, explains to me what the pain was for.

It's like the little baby getting the shot and, and they're being told it's okay. I remember my mom and dad, like, I mean, I felt like I was a child when you lose your child and they've lost their grandchild and I'm, I'm in my mother's clutches and I can't, I'm about ready to pass out. She's explaining to me that there, there's God's got, God, God has a plan.

And You're looking at the wrong side of the quilt, she would say. Look at the good side of the quilt. [01:20:00] That's where I got that. And so perspective is huge. You can get to the other side and make the right choices if you buy into the fact that what is coming is going to make sense of what has happened and it's going to be something that is going to fortify you, build you, make you stronger, make you better in adversity.

So I would say start with perspective because you know the alternative is not very pleasant.

One of the things I actually do with my daughters early on I've had my fair share of injuries and probably your fair share and a few other people's fair shares. I was an accident prone kid. Like I have science issues. So my depth perception, my balance was always off. And so I'm not a stranger to pain.

My doctor actually has a [01:21:00] separate scale for me. Uh, no, you know, the typical one to 10. Yes. In my file, there's the adaptation for the nurses. of my pain scale versus normal pain scale. And so when I had to start taking my kids, like the first time I remember taking my oldest daughter for her shots, you know, I had already set with her through and I very easily, I'm a big guy, but one hand on her, Arms and she couldn't go anywhere.

Yes. Yes. I was down close to her head and I taught her to breathe with me through the pain. And I kept talking, but it was breathed with me. Breathe in slow, breathe, like breathe with me. Through the pain through the moment for a minute, right? But I started teaching my children early [01:22:00] on to breathe through the pain, through the adversity, slow everything down to gain perspective on the moment and just keep going through it.

Cause sometimes all you can do is. Move through the pain and let it teach you and that's something that I've just reinforced with them Right anytime we run into fears anytime we run into hurts It's I I it's funny. I used to laugh people who did breath work But i've been teaching my children breathing exercises since they were little that's great Breathe through the pain together and process the moment so we can get our mind in the right place to process what's actually happening instead of having a Emotional reaction to the moment.

It's let's hone ourselves down breathe through it gain perspective gain clarity So yes respond Yes, [01:23:00] so it was very vivid illustration. Sorry, that may be entirely off topic. I was just a very not at all because that's, that's the way I've been trying to teach them to process things their whole lives is we have to get our head in the right space.

To process any information. We can't do that when we're reacting to the moment, whether that's the stimulus is paying our adversity for caught in the reaction, we're in trouble already, you got to slow it down and get back to that place where our mind has clarity and can actually process information is your brain shuts down.

Yep. Right. We, we hit that fight or flight or freeze mode and our brain shuts down and we're out of processing. Yes, it does. Yeah,

all of us are going to face something going forward and guys if you're listening I really [01:24:00] hope that you are taking this to heart and you haven't hit that big hurt yet I will say life is not nice and and it may be God I hope is a different form than you losing a child or going to prison But there's gonna be a time when you hit a big hurt in life.

You've already said your circle is really important Your community, however you want to phrase that your tribe, your community, your circle, uh, men's channels, I hear it used a lot of different ways, but it's all the same thing, right? That's the circle. Yeah. I were talking earlier last night. I was gaming with my gaming friends.

We were playing board games at their house, right? Those guys are part of my circle because they're a positive influence on me. It's part of the reason I game with them is the men in that circle. I respect them. And just by being in my life, they elevate me. Yes. We know we start there, right? That's going to be very important to us.

How do [01:25:00] we start to circumvent? You said sharing with somebody, how do we just keep moving forward when that comes? Cause you've, you've seen incredible opportunities with your life as well. And you took steps to get there. How do we keep moving forward in those times? We've got our community. We're starting to get some perspective.

What's the next step to moving forward after we get our head right? I want to add one one thing to perspective and that's this because I don't believe in the word fair. That's just a belief I have. That's a personal statement I've made. I don't believe in in fair fairs where they judge pigs. Okay, because life is not supposed to be [01:26:00] Error and uncomfortable and pain free.

It wasn't designed that way. It's supposed to be hard. So, part of our perspective needs to be when something like this hits, big hit, medium hit, small hit, or small hurt, okay, that we say, Oh yeah, I'm not exempt. Who am I? Who was I to think that I, you know, nothing was going to happen in my family or it happened to me?

We have to think that way because Brent, here's the deal, we get knocked down, it's really, if we're laid down on our back, just spread out on the concrete, we're in a prone position. It's hard to get up by ourselves if we don't want to get up and we're, we're suffering excruciating pain and getting up is the first thing we have to do before we start heading in the right direction.

We can't just pop up and say, Oh, new life. Yeah, I'm going to, yeah, we kicked [01:27:00] that in the butt. We're going to, no. I mean, it kind of comes slower than that, but I came up, my book's called rebound forward. It's not about rebound like a basketball rebound. It's rebound forward. Rebound is getting up after getting knocked down.

And then there is a decision. So number one is perspective. What's our perspective. Number two, then the second part of that is, okay, now that I'm standing up, what am I going to do? Because we got another decision to make. We can say. Well, I'm going to live a pity party that the rest of my life is just that I'm going to be standing up doing it.

I'm going to, I'm going to show people that I responded. Okay. That I'm doing an okay. You know that I'm okay. I got through it. I'm fine when in fact, I'm, I've kind of checked out, but at least I'm standing or we can stand and say, I want better. I want better. I don't know what better is yet, but [01:28:00] I want better.

And I'm going to, cause I'm learning from what just happened and I'm going to take one step in the direction of forward, not to the side where I don't know, not back. Uh, uh, because it's going to get worse, but I'm going to go forward. And if I take one step forward, that'll help me take a second step forward.

And that's rebounding. forward. And we can all do that. And I know you work with resilience and talk to men about resilience. And we can, we can use that. We can use that to teach ourselves how to do that. It's Hey, it's, is it easy to get knocked down? Yeah, it's easy. Sometimes it's it, you know, if a hurricane comes and it blows your house away, that's painful.

But you didn't cause that. You might cause it. Um, but you didn't pay. It's hard to do things that you don't want to do. But the thing [01:29:00] about rebounding and moving forward, yeah, it's, it's difficult, but it could, it could and will change everything. So is that worth it? Heck yeah. I can't think of anything else, anything else that is worth seeing my girls at some point on the other side of, um, Earth and being able to talk to them.

I can't, I can't imagine. Um, but I really want people to think that if they, they could buy into this perspective of things are going to get better and we're going to become more resilient because of this, we can get up and move forward. And man, I hope that for everybody because nobody is exempt. There's a song from the 1960s.

I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden. And with all of the sunshine, you know. [01:30:00] Or excuse me in all of the sunshine, there's going to be a little rain sometime and it's kind of a corny little song, but it says exactly what I'm saying. Nobody gave us a certificate when we were born that they're going to live a pain free life.

I beg your pardon. I never promised you a rose garden. And I'll tell you, we can make, we can make a clean break from any kind of pain or adversity that, that this world or our decisions are going to hand us. And that, man, I hope that's motivation to people out there. It should be. I sure hope it is because you are all worth it and you're all worthy of doing it.

What's next for Randy Brown? The next man that I come upon that is in such pain I can see it in his eyes without even a word being spoken. That's what I live for. And that, [01:31:00] that's, that's going to help me pay my pay, pay my paying forward. That's what I want to do. Coach. Where's the best place for people to find you connect with you?

On my website, probably. And that's coach RB. com. My initials are B there. It is right there up on the screen. Um, I also will give you my, um, uh, email address and that is RB. com. At RB speaks. com. I know it's a lot of RBs, but RB at RB speaks. com. Um, I, I take pride in, in returning any inquiry, any question, even things I don't believe in or agree with.

I I'm going to get back to you. And if you would like to email me or get my phone number through my website, that's great. [01:32:00] Send me a text, and I would love to send you a text back or, um, create, create a phone call that we can have, uh, because I'm here for anybody that wants to reach out. And, um, sometimes it's good Brent to reach out to somebody we don't know, because we don't have all of that fear of being judged and, and things, you know, might be somebody in our community that we don't want to know that.

We're. Involved in certain things, maybe a lot of tech. Cause I hear a lot from people who don't, you know, this is the first time that they've reached out and I'm like, I'm so glad you did. I'm your brother and I'm going to help you. So, and I know, you know, Guys, I know all of you have been dying to learn about the start game of Thrones trivia, who the young wolf was.

No one actually cares, but the answer is Robb Stark. You, uh, chose Sansa. Who is the older of the sisters? I was a Game of Thrones fan. Uh, but the answer is Robb Stark. If anybody actually gives a crap about that, I don't think you do, [01:33:00] especially not if you stayed this long, but it makes it entertaining.

Randy, wrap us out. If our listeners heard nothing else today. What is the one thing you want to leave them with?

We live with the opportunity to become scarred, but smarter. It's the title of a song by someone who's become a friend of mine, Kevin Kinney, who is a phenomenal singer songwriter for the for the 80s band, Driving and Crying. And Kevin is a very relevant artist these days. Kevin Kenny wrote a song called Driving and Crying, which has the greatest lyrics.

If anybody ever wanted to explain about, we were never offered any free. Life of, uh, free from pain or, or any of that. He wrote a song about it and his lyrics are phenomenal. The name of the song is scarred, but smarter, not scarred, but I'm giving [01:34:00] up scarred, but I'm going to get my butt up and I'm going to move forward and I'm becoming smarter.

Let's all be scarred, but smarter. Thanks, Kevin. Kenny. Guys, on behalf of Randy and myself and all of us here at The Fallible Man. Thanks for hanging out with us today. Be better tomorrow because of what you do today. We'll see you on the next one. This has been the Fallible Man Podcast. Your home for everything, man, husband, and father.

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