Unlock the Secret to Successful Fatherhood: Embrace Your Child’s Unique Journey

1 00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:03,600 Stepping in the whirlwind of fatherhood is an exhilarating journey that 2 00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:06,090 defies any one size fits all approach. 3 00:00:07,020 --> 00:00:11,910 There is no such thing as a universal guide to being a dad. 4 00:00:13,110 --> 00:00:16,920 Each child is a unique universe demanding personalized care and guidance. 5 00:00:17,670 --> 00:00:22,170 As fathers, we strive to navigate this ever changing terrain, making choices that 6 00:00:22,170 --> 00:00:23,700 are gonna shape their futures forever. 7 00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:31,335 And it's hard because, It could, as they grow and change, like everything is, 8 00:00:31,635 --> 00:00:33,435 all the targets are moving constantly. 9 00:00:33,435 --> 00:00:36,015 It's, it's, it's insane. 10 00:00:36,405 --> 00:00:39,195 And any dad listening knows exactly what I'm talking about. 11 00:00:40,245 --> 00:00:43,155 But amidst this chaos, there are essential threats that bind us 12 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:48,885 together as dads guiding us through the toughest moments with love and wisdom. 13 00:00:49,515 --> 00:00:52,695 And in today's episode, I wanna share with you, while there is 14 00:00:52,695 --> 00:00:57,585 no universal, Way to parent any child, even in the same household. 15 00:00:58,785 --> 00:01:03,434 There are some consistent things that all dads need to practice with their kids. 16 00:01:03,945 --> 00:01:04,845 So let's get into it. 17 00:01:05,155 --> 00:01:06,765 I won't waste. 18 00:01:10,275 --> 00:01:11,595 Here's the million dollar question. 19 00:01:12,164 --> 00:01:14,445 How do men like us reach our full potential? 20 00:01:14,985 --> 00:01:19,005 Grow into the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, 21 00:01:19,335 --> 00:01:23,625 working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves. 22 00:01:24,735 --> 00:01:27,855 Well, that's the big question in this podcast. 23 00:01:28,125 --> 00:01:29,895 We'll help you answer those questions and more. 24 00:01:30,105 --> 00:01:32,955 My name is Brent and welcome to the Ible Man Podcast. 25 00:01:36,855 --> 00:01:39,555 Welcome to the Ible Man Podcast, your home for all things man. 26 00:01:40,140 --> 00:01:41,610 Big shout out to Fallible Nation. 27 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,130 That's our private community, and if you'd like to know more about that, 28 00:01:44,130 --> 00:01:46,710 there's links down in the description of whatever platform you're on. 29 00:01:47,009 --> 00:01:49,470 And a warm welcome to our first time listeners. 30 00:01:49,475 --> 00:01:51,000 Hey, thanks for checking us out. 31 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,399 It means a lot that you've given us a chance, and I hope you enjoy the 32 00:01:53,399 --> 00:01:54,509 episode and get something out of it. 33 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,090 My name is Brian and I am the fallible man. 34 00:01:57,899 --> 00:02:02,160 Now, fatherhood is a dynamic adventure and there's no single perfect path because 35 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:05,340 each child is a universe unto themselves. 36 00:02:06,075 --> 00:02:10,095 We're challenged to interact, discipline, talk, to, encourage and support our 37 00:02:10,095 --> 00:02:14,775 children in entirely different ways, even within the same household and family. 38 00:02:15,495 --> 00:02:20,145 I have two daughters and how I interact with each one of them has to be modified 39 00:02:20,415 --> 00:02:24,585 massively because they have such distinct individual personalities and 40 00:02:24,585 --> 00:02:29,505 needs, ways of communicating, ways of showing affection and feeling affection. 41 00:02:30,105 --> 00:02:30,525 It's. 42 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,680 If you have multiple kids, you know exactly what I'm 43 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:35,910 talking about here, right? 44 00:02:36,330 --> 00:02:41,700 So finding that one universal thing just isn't really a possibility. 45 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:46,830 Now, embracing the fact that our kids are one of a kind unique beings, we 46 00:02:46,830 --> 00:02:50,940 must seek to be the best fathers we can, knowing that there's not a universal 47 00:02:50,940 --> 00:02:54,210 rule book to follow for that perfect dad. 48 00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:59,550 However, in this episode, I wanna suggest that there are four. 49 00:03:00,195 --> 00:03:05,925 Things that are universal, cross any child that you're taking care of and 50 00:03:05,925 --> 00:03:12,135 loving as a father, as a parent, there are four things that are actually absolutely 51 00:03:12,135 --> 00:03:18,495 universal needs for all children and as some of the things that his fathers 52 00:03:18,495 --> 00:03:23,325 were a little more uncomfortable with how to, not so much even the 53 00:03:23,325 --> 00:03:26,055 idea, just the execution sometimes. 54 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:29,415 And I wish I could tell you there's a perfect way to execute these 55 00:03:29,475 --> 00:03:32,715 concepts, but there's not, right? 56 00:03:32,775 --> 00:03:35,505 We go back to the whole one of a kind child thing, but there 57 00:03:35,510 --> 00:03:41,505 are four things that every child needs from you as a father. 58 00:03:42,735 --> 00:03:46,335 The first one is to parent with perspective, not your perspective. 59 00:03:46,335 --> 00:03:47,175 Their perspective. 60 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,375 Now, I know all of our kids wanna tell us how we should be parenting them, 61 00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:52,845 and they're, they're wrong, I promise. 62 00:03:53,415 --> 00:03:58,140 However, It's easy to overlook our children's thoughts and observations, 63 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:01,920 assuming that they share the same knowledge and experience we do, right? 64 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:09,839 We get into this tribal knowledge mindset based on us, our perspective. 65 00:04:10,410 --> 00:04:16,440 However, we gotta pause and recognize that what we may seem see as obvious 66 00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:20,579 or apparent to us could be a brand new revelation for our children. 67 00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:24,510 Remember, we had to learn all of this at one point, and a lot of us 68 00:04:24,510 --> 00:04:26,940 don't even remember learning these things because they're things that 69 00:04:26,940 --> 00:04:28,440 you learn just by living life. 70 00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:32,580 So embrace their insights and their ideas, their news with their gen, 71 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,700 genuine interest and experience together. 72 00:04:35,789 --> 00:04:37,919 Take the time to help them learn and process it. 73 00:04:38,340 --> 00:04:42,120 I know I've been really guilty of this as a parent way more than I would 74 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:46,740 like to admit on this very public broadcast, but this is something 75 00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:48,210 that I struggle with as a parent. 76 00:04:48,915 --> 00:04:53,594 As my child will come and tell me something that I'm just like, duh. 77 00:04:53,865 --> 00:04:54,284 Yeah. 78 00:04:54,945 --> 00:04:55,844 Everybody knows that. 79 00:04:56,055 --> 00:04:56,895 No, they don't. 80 00:04:57,495 --> 00:04:59,745 They're experiencing it for the first time. 81 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:06,495 We all had a first time for every piece of information that we've processed, 82 00:05:07,455 --> 00:05:11,745 and kids often come to us and we look at it with our perspective and our 83 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:16,275 experience and our knowledge base as parents and go, oh, yeah, duh. 84 00:05:16,905 --> 00:05:18,375 Well, that's not the right response. 85 00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:21,734 We may not say duh, and maybe you're too old or too young to say 86 00:05:21,734 --> 00:05:23,085 duh, and it's not cool anymore. 87 00:05:23,505 --> 00:05:27,164 But we all have those moments where we look at something our children are telling 88 00:05:27,164 --> 00:05:31,155 us and we look at it from our perspective and knowledge and wisdom and experience, 89 00:05:31,875 --> 00:05:33,825 and don't realize this is new for them. 90 00:05:35,174 --> 00:05:39,555 Validating that new experience and embracing that with them, going through 91 00:05:39,555 --> 00:05:44,655 that with them is an absolutely incredible opportunity and it makes them feel small. 92 00:05:45,015 --> 00:05:47,804 When we blow it off as something they should already know, 93 00:05:47,835 --> 00:05:48,974 even though it's new for them. 94 00:05:50,715 --> 00:05:54,434 Number two, create a space for their concerns and fears. 95 00:05:55,455 --> 00:05:58,244 We live in an incredibly different age than a lot of us 96 00:05:58,244 --> 00:05:59,684 who are now parents grew up in. 97 00:06:00,465 --> 00:06:05,864 Even if you are very new to parenting, right, uh, let's say in your low 98 00:06:05,864 --> 00:06:08,205 twenties and you have kids, right? 99 00:06:08,265 --> 00:06:10,604 Your kids are growing up in a different world even than you. 100 00:06:11,054 --> 00:06:13,844 The world is moving in in an immensely incredible. 101 00:06:14,340 --> 00:06:17,969 Fast rate technology's growing faster and faster. 102 00:06:18,450 --> 00:06:21,750 Our kids are more perceptive and aware of the challenges we face 103 00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:25,289 in our lives and families than we ever give them credit for. 104 00:06:26,669 --> 00:06:30,000 My daughters like to joke because there's a, a line in the movie The 105 00:06:30,005 --> 00:06:34,169 Meg, in which the little child in the movie, I won't be giving you spoilers, 106 00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:37,380 says eight year olds hear everything. 107 00:06:37,770 --> 00:06:38,340 Well, it's true. 108 00:06:40,125 --> 00:06:41,055 It's crucial. 109 00:06:41,115 --> 00:06:45,015 Crucial to acknowledge and validate their concerns in an age appropriate 110 00:06:45,020 --> 00:06:49,575 manner by providing a safe forum for them to express their worries. 111 00:06:49,695 --> 00:06:54,344 And we start to foster that trust and openness that will help them in 112 00:06:54,349 --> 00:06:58,215 later years, allowing them to navigate through emotional and mental stress 113 00:06:58,215 --> 00:07:03,284 with our support port that may look very different from child to child. 114 00:07:03,289 --> 00:07:05,775 I can do that with my oldest daughter 'cause she likes to go fishing. 115 00:07:05,775 --> 00:07:09,390 So when we go fish, That's when I get to have these conversations with 116 00:07:09,390 --> 00:07:13,500 her and address concerns that she's experiencing because guess what? 117 00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:16,410 She's seen everything that's happening in our family. 118 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,100 She's seen everything that's happening in our lives, and a lot of times we 119 00:07:20,100 --> 00:07:21,840 kill tell kids not to worry about it. 120 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:28,080 Well, we have more childhood stress issues than ever in history. 121 00:07:28,830 --> 00:07:33,720 No time in history have we had this many stress related mental, emotional, and 122 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,480 physical ailments affecting children's. 123 00:07:36,930 --> 00:07:41,100 Than we do now because kids are in tune with it. 124 00:07:41,219 --> 00:07:42,780 They see what's happening in the world. 125 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,740 The more media they get ahold of, the more media driven world they live in, 126 00:07:46,740 --> 00:07:50,940 the more they see and they pick up on all your stress, all of the frustrations, 127 00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:52,590 all the problems happening in your life. 128 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,850 So give them a place to appropriately address it. 129 00:07:57,450 --> 00:08:03,310 Now, obviously, if you are having major difficulties, Between spouse, you're not, 130 00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:09,060 and your six year old or your eight year old is like, uh, are you a mommy fighting? 131 00:08:10,349 --> 00:08:14,070 Answer that age appropriately, of course, but don't blow them off. 132 00:08:15,510 --> 00:08:17,669 If you have other struggles in the household, don't blow 'em off. 133 00:08:17,675 --> 00:08:18,990 Your kids are seeing it. 134 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:24,210 Give them a forum, a way that they can express their concerns about it 135 00:08:24,215 --> 00:08:27,990 and acknowledge that, and then handle it in an age appropriate manner. 136 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:31,680 But you can't just shut it off, that is damaging to the child. 137 00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:36,960 Number three, create a safe recourse for their actions. 138 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:42,120 Mistakes and bad choices are an an inevitable part of growing up. 139 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,720 Instead of harshly punishing our children for their errors, we should 140 00:08:45,725 --> 00:08:50,400 create an environment that encouraged them to take responsibility and learn 141 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,390 from their missteps by offering a safe recourse to admit their mistakes. 142 00:08:54,930 --> 00:08:58,229 We teach them the value of honesty and self-identification. 143 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:02,520 Now, I'm not saying don't discipline your kids. 144 00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:03,630 That would be stupid. 145 00:09:04,170 --> 00:09:06,479 Please don't be that parent 'cause I know they exist. 146 00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:10,709 I absolutely believe in disciplining your children. 147 00:09:10,949 --> 00:09:15,599 I also believe in disciplining them differently when the child comes 148 00:09:15,599 --> 00:09:20,790 forward and says, I did this, knowing that they're in the wrong, or knowing 149 00:09:20,795 --> 00:09:21,930 that they're going to get in trouble. 150 00:09:23,189 --> 00:09:27,960 Versus children who try to hide it from their parents or who try to blow it 151 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,670 off, or even worse, they lie about it. 152 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:34,829 For, for my kids, that's a bigger mistake in our household than whatever they 153 00:09:34,835 --> 00:09:36,480 did is trying to lie to me about it. 154 00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:39,000 So open up. 155 00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:39,390 Okay. 156 00:09:39,395 --> 00:09:42,060 Your parents, they made mistakes and bad choices. 157 00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:46,470 You, you made mistakes and bad choices, and your kids are gonna make mistakes and 158 00:09:46,470 --> 00:09:49,079 bad choices and have lapses in judgment. 159 00:09:49,085 --> 00:09:49,770 And guess what? 160 00:09:49,770 --> 00:09:51,180 Their kids will too. 161 00:09:52,829 --> 00:09:54,689 So give them an outlet. 162 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:59,790 I think a lot of people have seen, there's a, a clip that goes around 163 00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:03,090 on like Instagram and Facebook and it talks about, you know, my dad gave me 164 00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:08,460 a note that said, keep this because one day you're going do something and 165 00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:12,840 I'm going to be very angry about it and I won't be necessarily reasonable. 166 00:10:13,140 --> 00:10:17,010 Keep this as a get out of jail free card because when you show this to me, 167 00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:19,470 I will know that I need to calm down. 168 00:10:20,610 --> 00:10:24,360 And listen to what you have to say and reevaluate the situation. 169 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,530 That may be the right choice for your child. 170 00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:29,339 I don't know. 171 00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:30,329 It may not be. 172 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,910 It depends on their age, depends on what's going on in their life. 173 00:10:33,270 --> 00:10:36,390 But create a space for your children to be able to own their actions. 174 00:10:38,595 --> 00:10:42,195 And let them know there is discipline, but the discipline for owning their actions 175 00:10:42,195 --> 00:10:47,025 is far less severe than the discipline for trying to hide from their actions, give 176 00:10:47,025 --> 00:10:49,365 them that opportunity to be better people. 177 00:10:50,505 --> 00:10:53,145 Number four, never stop expressing your love. 178 00:10:54,795 --> 00:10:56,355 Love is the bedrock apparent. 179 00:10:57,435 --> 00:10:59,445 Each child experiences love differently. 180 00:10:59,939 --> 00:11:04,740 And as fathers, we must attune ourselves to their individual love languages. 181 00:11:04,979 --> 00:11:07,589 Love languages are something we talk about a lot on the channel because 182 00:11:07,589 --> 00:11:09,599 they're the bedrock of any relationship. 183 00:11:09,599 --> 00:11:10,410 They really are. 184 00:11:10,949 --> 00:11:14,099 Understanding that in a friendship, a romantic relationship, or as 185 00:11:14,104 --> 00:11:20,310 parent about that child or about that person gives you a lot of insight 186 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:24,120 into how to, uh, appropriately connect and relate with them. 187 00:11:25,110 --> 00:11:28,560 Being unconditionally loving with your and affectionate with 188 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:32,550 your children is gonna cost some embarrassment for your kids at time. 189 00:11:32,550 --> 00:11:33,720 So be that parent. 190 00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:37,650 Be that parent that says, I love you in front of their friends. 191 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,040 Not to embarrass them, but because you want them to 192 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:43,140 never, ever, ever question it. 193 00:11:44,340 --> 00:11:46,430 It will leave an enduring impact on their lives. 194 00:11:46,819 --> 00:11:49,560 Yeah, it will be awkward at moments through their lives. 195 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,180 I love those scenes and movies. 196 00:11:51,180 --> 00:11:53,069 I always like to blow those up. 197 00:11:54,465 --> 00:11:57,075 Where the parents' like, I love you, dad. 198 00:11:57,165 --> 00:11:58,005 I love you, son. 199 00:11:58,215 --> 00:12:00,435 And he's like, dad, don't say that here. 200 00:12:00,435 --> 00:12:00,675 Right? 201 00:12:00,915 --> 00:12:02,415 I love, they always crack me up. 202 00:12:02,535 --> 00:12:03,435 Be that parent. 203 00:12:04,455 --> 00:12:06,795 Never stop expressing your love. 204 00:12:07,395 --> 00:12:11,445 Being their unwavering supporter will help them flourish and succeed in all 205 00:12:11,450 --> 00:12:12,585 aspects of their life going forward. 206 00:12:13,575 --> 00:12:18,435 But never, ever, ever let them wonder and never stop 207 00:12:18,435 --> 00:12:19,725 expressing love to your children. 208 00:12:21,015 --> 00:12:25,155 It will give them an edge going forward that is just incredibly 209 00:12:25,155 --> 00:12:27,135 powerful for the rest of their lives. 210 00:12:28,364 --> 00:12:31,935 Now, as fathers, we embark on this extraordinary journey filled with all 211 00:12:31,935 --> 00:12:36,675 these crazy challenges and un uncertainty, uncertainties the fact that there's no 212 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:38,864 one size fits all guide to being a dad. 213 00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:42,795 But by embracing your children's uniqueness, by nurturing them with 214 00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:46,604 love, understanding, support, we can become pillars of strength and 215 00:12:46,604 --> 00:12:48,165 wisdom that they need us to be. 216 00:12:49,995 --> 00:12:52,515 I absolutely endorse discipline. 217 00:12:53,235 --> 00:12:55,665 I absolutely endorse boundaries. 218 00:12:57,285 --> 00:13:00,824 I absolutely endorse direction 'cause kids need direction. 219 00:13:02,745 --> 00:13:07,545 But don't forget these softer points of parenting and your approach because 220 00:13:08,224 --> 00:13:10,275 all children need these four things. 221 00:13:11,310 --> 00:13:12,510 Lets cherish just adventure. 222 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:16,589 Knowing every day gives us an incredible opportunity to shape our children's 223 00:13:16,589 --> 00:13:21,329 lives and leave a legacy of love that will endure for generations to come. 224 00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:26,430 The way you parent your children will either be the foundation for 225 00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:27,660 how they parent their children. 226 00:13:28,530 --> 00:13:32,250 R o b, the foundation for how they never will treat their children. 227 00:13:32,939 --> 00:13:35,160 And I hope you decide on the right one of that. 228 00:13:35,699 --> 00:13:38,819 Now guys, it is the Friday show, so I like to read a listener review 229 00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:42,359 because those do so much for us and I'm just so grateful for each one. 230 00:13:42,930 --> 00:13:47,729 So this one is from David from the United Kingdom, react and Respond. 231 00:13:47,734 --> 00:13:49,979 What a great episode, five Star Review. 232 00:13:50,489 --> 00:13:51,930 Some important thoughts in this episode. 233 00:13:51,930 --> 00:13:54,660 I couldn't help but be reminded of the workplace arguments 234 00:13:54,660 --> 00:13:56,040 and how much more productive. 235 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,200 The conversation is jour is journaling. 236 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,140 When you listen in order to hear and absorb, instead of just 237 00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:02,220 waiting for your turn to talk. 238 00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:03,750 Really enjoyed this one. 239 00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,220 We'll be tuning in for more. 240 00:14:06,030 --> 00:14:06,630 Thanks, David. 241 00:14:06,635 --> 00:14:08,460 Thanks for taking the time to share with us. 242 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:13,860 It means a lot when you guys leave these and it helps us to reach more men as the 243 00:14:13,865 --> 00:14:17,790 show continues to grow, and you guys are a hundred percent responsible for that. 244 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,670 You guys are growing this show by sharing this with your friends and 245 00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:24,840 we're so grateful for that and by doing things like leaving this review, guys. 246 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:28,530 Being a father is incredibly exhilarating. 247 00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:29,310 It's powerful. 248 00:14:29,310 --> 00:14:30,240 It's confusing. 249 00:14:30,390 --> 00:14:36,150 It's a little crazy and it's a lot difficult, but it is absolutely 250 00:14:36,150 --> 00:14:38,130 one of the most rewarding things you'll do in your life. 251 00:14:39,569 --> 00:14:44,400 Be the dad that your kid just can't get enough of. 252 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,480 That's what we all want. 253 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:50,040 There's nothing more exhilarating as a father than that scream of daddy 254 00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,350 as you're come through the door because they can't wait to see you. 255 00:14:53,145 --> 00:14:58,185 Be that dad, you have it in you to be that great father, I believe in you. 256 00:14:58,545 --> 00:15:02,564 Your kids love you, and they need you to show up every day as the best dad 257 00:15:02,564 --> 00:15:04,694 you can, and you're well on your way. 258 00:15:04,814 --> 00:15:09,074 I know it because you wouldn't be looking for answers here otherwise, not 259 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:12,255 because I got the perfect answers, but because you are putting in the effort 260 00:15:12,255 --> 00:15:14,475 to be a great dad and continue learning. 261 00:15:14,954 --> 00:15:17,925 Be better tomorrow because what you do today, and we'll see you in the next one. 262 00:15:20,565 --> 00:15:22,965 This has been the Fallible Man Podcast. 263 00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:26,925 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 264 00:15:27,855 --> 00:15:30,045 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 265 00:15:30,975 --> 00:15:37,185 Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get 266 00:15:37,365 --> 00:15:38,685 your own fallible man here.