From Red Pill to Real Connection: A New Approach to Love

[00:00:00] Love is a fantasy, and men after 40 get the game. It's a direct quote from the comments section of a recent episode of this show. I see a lot of crap like this these days. More and more men down on love, or even the idea of love. Men down on women and love. Even worse, this whole nonsense of the MGTOW crap I see floating around on the internet.

It's funny that the institution of love that has been around since the beginning of time has become really soured in the last 50 years. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt and assume, quote, air quotes, they are talking about romantic relationships because any real parent knows love is real. In this episode of the Fallible Man podcast, we're smashing stereotypes and breaking down misconceptions about relationships.

You've heard of MGTOW if you've been around the internet very long, or the red pill world. We're putting that nonsense aside and focusing on what really matters [00:01:00] your approach to love. Don't be fooled into thinking love has disappeared. It's more about how we as men make decisions when it comes to relationships.

So if you're ready to change the status quo challenge, the status quo, and here's some practical advice tailored just for you, let's get into it.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential? Growing to the men we dream of being, while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question. In this podcast, we'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent, and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast.

This has been a huge pain point for me as I've been doing this show and working with men on improving their lives. So many men in the air quotes, red pill [00:02:00] circle touting stupid ideas like McTowell are that men don't need women are that women don't really love men and blah, blah, blah. And all relationships are bad.

Oh my goodness. It is such a headache. Men are beating better off alone and women and love are no good. It's such a lie. Men were not made to be alone. We need other quality men in our lives. And guess what? We need women in our lives too. The problem is, and has always been the modern man's approach at finding love and a good woman.

And it's time to change our approach. By the way, my name is Brent and welcome to the fallible man podcast. Your home for all things, man, big shout out to fallible nation. That's our private community. There's links down below in the show notes or description, whatever platform you're on. Warm welcome to our first time listeners.

Hey, we know there's a lot out there. So thanks for giving us a chance. Be sure to leave us a, like, give us a comment, reach out to us at the foul man. Leave us review. [00:03:00] I'd love to hear what you think about the show. I really do appreciate you checking out. I hope you enjoy this. Now let's get back into it.

Here is some practical yet controversial advice for your consideration to help you explore a different route that I have found has worked well for. A lot of people I know, and it's helped me get into my own 23 year marriage. It's my wife and I approach our 23rd anniversary very soon. Number one, King in training.

You don't have to be a King yet. You hear men talk about this on the, it's very, very big in social media circles, right? Being Kings. Well, guess what? You can be a Prince. You don't have to be a King yet, but you gotta be building a future. See, great women will help you build your kingdom. However, she has to be able to see a future with you and in you.

That means you have to see your own future. [00:04:00] You have to see somewhere you're going and be on the way there already. Women find men. Who have a purpose behind them and are ahead of them. I should say more attractive and are more likely to connect with you. If they see a future in you that they can be a part of because they can see what you're about.

Number two, don't look for someone to fix you this. Oh man, this pisses me off to no end. People are stupid. They get involved with other people to try and fix an internal hole. Nothing can ever fix a hole in yourself, but you, another person will not make it better. And that's not the relationships job.

Nothing will guarantee that fail relationship faster. Then try and fix problems that are in you by involving somebody else as a patch. Number three, be a friend [00:05:00] first. Now I'm not talking about friend zoned. Okay, let me draw a hard line right here. There's a difference between being a friend first and being friend zoned.

Most men know what it's like to be friend zoned by some woman they're attracted to. That's not what we're talking about. My wife is my best friend. She's the person I want to share everything with. She's the first person I want to talk to and the only person who's counsel I really care about when life is good or bad.

Stop thinking about bearskin rugs and crazy monkey hanging from the chandelier time. If you can't look down the road and see coffee on the porch together, conversations on the couch, not Netflix and chill, conversations on the couch years from now, and maybe even watching grandkids play basketball tournaments all day together.

In your future with this person, you may be barking up the wrong tree. After 23 years of marriage, none of this has changed for me [00:06:00] whatsoever. Sarah is still the first person I want to talk to. She's the only person I really want to see first thing in the morning, other than maybe my daughters. And she's still the person I want to tell about my day and share everything with.

Why? Because she's my best friend. She's my partner. She's my wife. It's more than a physical relationship. It's about us together and the life we see in 23 years into it. Guess what? Now I'm looking down the road going, man, I get to look forward to basketball games all day long, watching my grandkids play.

And actually, you know what? I'm excited about that because I'll still be with my best friend. Number four, don't shop at the dollar general for Cartier guys. I see this mistake all the time. People used to go to church to meet forever women, or they were high school sweethearts, or something like that.

Right? And there are other ways that came from as well. People you grew up with, people you knew your [00:07:00] whole life, the girl down the street who kind of hung out with the guys, who, you know what, you realize later she was beautiful and remarkable, right? Long relationships. There are far too many men getting involved with women at the bar.

Women they've barely met in passing, women that you hit on at the gym, women who lived loose and fast. If you're interested in a woman of value, you have to find them in places of value. If you're shopping at the dollar store, you're not finding a Cartier ring. Got it? Stop shopping the general hunting grounds that have become common if you want something different.

Number five, your go to is probably not a forever. Interestingly, my wife is nothing like Any of the women I ever dated. She is so far from my go to relationship that it never even occurred to me that she was the [00:08:00] one until it hit me like a brick wall, we weren't even dating. She was just one of my best friends.

And one day out of the blue, bam, it occurred to me, I will be stupid not to marry this woman. You have a type, whether you know it or not. And guess what? I'm not going to say it's a law like unaffected, but I will say it's more commonly the rule. The majority of men settle with women who are not necessarily their type are the woman they dated their whole life.

Sometimes you got to try something different if you want different results. Number six, don't flame out. People love crazy hot passion. Who wouldn't? I mean, that's what we see in the movies too, right? People knowing each other like 10 minutes. They're like, it's stupid. It's really stupid. The risk to it [00:09:00] is that it burns all the fuel really quickly and violently, and it doesn't leave much in its wake.

Now I've spent most of my life living in major fire country. Wildfires are a part of my life and have been as long as I can remember. Guess what? They burn fast, they burn hot, they burn everything. And then it's over. That's what a lot of relationships look like. People just go all in and go nuts and it's crazy and it's passionate and it's wild, but there's no substance to it.

And it burns up what little bit there is. It can be a whole lot of fun, but it's often over far too soon. If you can't have easy conversations, Soft laughs, just chill time together where you do nothing. You hang out, you have some coffee, you have a conversation. And that's the extent of that day for you [00:10:00] guys and still be deeply invested.

Something is off. You're in the wrong relationship. It shouldn't all be a thousand degree wildfire all the time. That's not reality. So don't flame out by getting hooked on all the quick hots. Get focused on the actual actual subsidence of the relationship, because if you can't find any, it's going to end bad.

Now let's land the plane on this. Some people say things like love is a fantasy, but it's important not to buy into this negative crap. There's a lot of trash ideas out there. There's a lot of stupid floating around enough for everybody. Trust me. Love hasn't disappeared. The problem is our decision making paradigm that we use to get into relationships has gotten skewed and screwed up.[00:11:00]

You can't find forever when you're focusing on the now. You can't find healthy relationships when you're shopping in high speed dating. We aim to get practical advice here at the fallible man, and we want you to think a little differently about love. It's not about following trends, negative beliefs.

It's not about the latest thing. Love is an age old institution. So stop thinking about it in modern happening. This is the way we do it now. Bullshit. And start focusing on something that's been around for a long time and what's worked, what has lasted. Find the people in your life who have had those lifelong relationships.

I just talked to a. Guy, the other day that I interviewed up for the show, his parents have been married for 50 years. Focus on personal growth, real connections and shared goals for the [00:12:00] future. Be man, a man of substance is about something and you'll attract the right kind of people. Building a good relationship is like building a kingdom.

You should be self sufficient. You should value friendship. Look for meaningful connections and keep the flames burning steady. Not at a crazy temperature all the time. All the guys listening out there who are still searching for love and still searching for those successful relationships. We had a guest on just the other day to talk about dating over 40.

We had a guest on, it was talking about modern dating. Cause I don't do that anymore. But let's change the story about love. Love hasn't changed. Love isn't awful. Our decision making paradigm about relationships has just gotten skewed. This is Brent signing off from the Fallible Man podcast, your go to place for all things, man.

Thanks for tuning in and remember, be better tomorrow because what you do today, and we'll see you on the next one. [00:13:00] This has been the Fallible Man podcast. You're home to everything man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www. thefallibleman. com for more content and get your own Fallible Man Gear.