Your Emotions are NOT Simple | 4 Building Blocks of Every Emotion

1 00:00:00,210 --> 00:00:03,780 Would you be interested if I could break down emotions into a logical process? 2 00:00:04,980 --> 00:00:08,310 Remind Granger accused Ron of having an emotional range of a teaspoon. 3 00:00:08,315 --> 00:00:08,640 Yes. 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,080 I'm I'm a Harry Potter nerd. 5 00:00:10,830 --> 00:00:13,830 Men are often accused of being emotionally out of touch. 6 00:00:14,460 --> 00:00:20,010 What if I told you that likely you were never taught about the emotions and about 7 00:00:20,040 --> 00:00:22,560 your emotions in a man friendly way? 8 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:25,710 Well, on this episode of the Fallible Man Podcast, we're 9 00:00:25,710 --> 00:00:27,390 gonna do exactly that, so let's. 10 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,270 Here's the million dollar question. 11 00:00:30,750 --> 00:00:34,410 How do men like us reach our full potential and grow into the men we 12 00:00:34,410 --> 00:00:38,550 dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, 13 00:00:38,730 --> 00:00:43,230 being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? 14 00:00:44,099 --> 00:00:45,810 That's the question in this podcast. 15 00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:47,400 We'll help you with those answers. 16 00:00:47,430 --> 00:00:50,129 My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 17 00:00:51,045 --> 00:00:52,425 Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 18 00:00:52,425 --> 00:00:55,965 Your home for all things, man, husband, father, big shout out to Fallible Nation. 19 00:00:56,085 --> 00:00:56,475 Warm. 20 00:00:56,475 --> 00:00:58,065 Welcome to our first time listeners. 21 00:00:58,365 --> 00:01:00,504 My name is Brent and I am the fallible man. 22 00:01:00,533 --> 00:01:03,803 My daughters were taught about their emotions in preschool and of course 23 00:01:03,803 --> 00:01:06,676 as parents we tried to help them understand and, clear things up for 24 00:01:06,676 --> 00:01:07,606 them as they're dealing with it. 25 00:01:07,606 --> 00:01:09,981 They're young and those first emotions are a little hard to deal 26 00:01:09,981 --> 00:01:14,241 with sometimes, but it occurred to me that the way that little boys are 27 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,641 taught about emotions doesn't align. 28 00:01:17,346 --> 00:01:20,856 With the way their minds actually sort things out, just in the difference of the 29 00:01:20,856 --> 00:01:23,376 way that men and women think about things. 30 00:01:24,096 --> 00:01:27,426 Likewise, as men, we're told to show or share our emotions, 31 00:01:27,726 --> 00:01:28,836 to get in touch with them. 32 00:01:29,826 --> 00:01:31,506 Men need to understand things. 33 00:01:31,626 --> 00:01:34,536 If they're going to process them, show them, share them, right? 34 00:01:34,926 --> 00:01:36,726 It's the way our brains work, and that's okay. 35 00:01:36,726 --> 00:01:38,316 So that's what we're gonna do today. 36 00:01:38,316 --> 00:01:39,426 I'm gonna make it really easy. 37 00:01:40,026 --> 00:01:42,666 There are four building blocks of every emotion. 38 00:01:43,281 --> 00:01:46,761 We know enough about emotions to be able to define them fairly well. 39 00:01:47,631 --> 00:01:52,311 We can talk about being happy, or we can talk about being sad because we understood 40 00:01:52,311 --> 00:01:54,651 those concepts since we were little. 41 00:01:54,981 --> 00:01:58,791 But truly understanding emotion, that could seem a little complicated, 42 00:01:58,796 --> 00:02:01,911 especially when you're really pushed to explain it because 43 00:02:02,451 --> 00:02:04,041 it's not all black and white. 44 00:02:04,761 --> 00:02:08,001 So we're gonna simplify this into a logical process. 45 00:02:08,601 --> 00:02:10,191 That really is factual. 46 00:02:10,191 --> 00:02:14,061 So guys, this is how it works and it's gonna be really easy for you afterwards. 47 00:02:14,871 --> 00:02:19,371 Every emotion is made up of four parts, so let's explore those parts one at a time. 48 00:02:20,031 --> 00:02:21,951 The first part is the stimulus. 49 00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:27,381 For an emotion to happen, you need something which will inspire it. 50 00:02:28,341 --> 00:02:29,691 This can be anything at all. 51 00:02:29,751 --> 00:02:31,521 I mean, almost anything. 52 00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:35,121 Generally, emotions come from outside sources, though they can arise from 53 00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,011 your own thoughts and memories as well. 54 00:02:38,016 --> 00:02:42,486 You never know what might raise an emotion up to a surface level for you though. 55 00:02:42,846 --> 00:02:45,306 They're always there, but you don't know what's gonna bring it out. 56 00:02:45,726 --> 00:02:46,716 It could be a smell. 57 00:02:47,076 --> 00:02:50,346 In fact, the olfactory sense is actually one of the common things 58 00:02:50,346 --> 00:02:54,726 that causes memories and things to come up and triggers emotions. 59 00:02:55,176 --> 00:02:59,886 It can be a taste, a memory, a person, a place, or even an activity you're taking 60 00:02:59,886 --> 00:03:01,806 part of that will inspire emotions. 61 00:03:02,406 --> 00:03:06,816 Even babies will be inspired to emotion through simple things like being hungry, 62 00:03:06,816 --> 00:03:10,916 uncomfortable, amused, or even by the smell or sound of whoever's taking care. 63 00:03:12,261 --> 00:03:16,551 This piece, the stimulus can be discovered, identified, and understood 64 00:03:16,641 --> 00:03:19,011 for perspective and context. 65 00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:22,491 The second piece is your awareness. 66 00:03:23,271 --> 00:03:26,721 A situation alone won't be enough to inspire emotion. 67 00:03:27,351 --> 00:03:31,131 At some point, your mind will become aware of the situation. 68 00:03:31,821 --> 00:03:34,161 This can be a conscious or even unconscious thing. 69 00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:38,781 We start paying attention and then, and this stimulus suddenly matters to us 70 00:03:38,931 --> 00:03:40,491 in a way that other things around us. 71 00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:45,516 We may not even understand what the stimulus is when we become aware of 72 00:03:45,521 --> 00:03:50,046 it, just that we're starting to have an emotional response to something. 73 00:03:50,496 --> 00:03:54,816 Maybe you feel your skin heating up or your eye getting wider. 74 00:03:54,816 --> 00:03:57,336 Maybe you feel a chill something, right? 75 00:03:58,146 --> 00:04:00,666 This piece is outside of your control, your awareness. 76 00:04:00,666 --> 00:04:06,006 You have no control over how you become aware of this emotion or emotional 77 00:04:06,006 --> 00:04:07,776 response welling up inside of you. 78 00:04:08,766 --> 00:04:10,296 The third piece is the judgment. 79 00:04:11,601 --> 00:04:14,331 Are you okay with this stimulus? 80 00:04:15,381 --> 00:04:18,681 Your unconscious self already knows your likes, your dislikes, your 81 00:04:18,686 --> 00:04:26,421 preferences, your history, your past experiences, and is already steering you 82 00:04:26,451 --> 00:04:30,831 towards either a positive or emotional are negative emotional response. 83 00:04:31,351 --> 00:04:37,311 However, Your conscious mind can intervene. 84 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:42,441 This, this piece can be adjusted, changed, or even manipulated, 85 00:04:42,621 --> 00:04:44,031 and it's within your control. 86 00:04:44,571 --> 00:04:47,601 Your conscious mind can intervene at this level. 87 00:04:48,561 --> 00:04:51,621 The fourth piece of an emotion is the reaction. 88 00:04:52,371 --> 00:04:56,511 Your physical self is already figuring out the situation and starting to respond. 89 00:04:57,291 --> 00:05:00,411 For example, you may not have noticed a little spider that 90 00:05:00,416 --> 00:05:01,371 just scuttled across your. 91 00:05:03,216 --> 00:05:06,006 Your eyes have probably widened significantly. 92 00:05:06,246 --> 00:05:07,806 You may have even felt a chill. 93 00:05:09,096 --> 00:05:10,236 You felt a little tickle. 94 00:05:10,986 --> 00:05:13,926 This is followed very closely by a physical reaction. 95 00:05:14,706 --> 00:05:18,936 In this case, pulling your hand away and possibly even like a verbal expression, 96 00:05:18,936 --> 00:05:22,146 like a scream or a shriek perhaps. 97 00:05:22,146 --> 00:05:27,306 If you're already afraid of spiders, this piece can be changed 98 00:05:27,366 --> 00:05:29,166 or adjusted and is within your. 99 00:05:31,236 --> 00:05:32,706 So what do we do with this information? 100 00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,326 How well do you sleep at night? 101 00:05:34,416 --> 00:05:36,996 Do you toss and turn and wake up more tired than when you went to bed? 102 00:05:37,506 --> 00:05:40,176 Sleep is commonly one of the critical elements people 103 00:05:40,176 --> 00:05:41,496 fall short on in their life. 104 00:05:41,796 --> 00:05:44,646 The quality of sleep you get directly affects your ability to control 105 00:05:44,646 --> 00:05:48,066 your weight, your ability to add muscle, your stress levels, and your 106 00:05:48,066 --> 00:05:49,776 everyday job and life performance. 107 00:05:50,376 --> 00:05:52,446 If you're ready to move to the next level, then. 108 00:05:53,226 --> 00:05:54,306 Has to be part of the plan. 109 00:05:54,936 --> 00:05:58,116 Check out our forensic ghost bed.com if you're ready to get your best sleep. 110 00:05:58,206 --> 00:05:59,106 I love my ghost bed. 111 00:05:59,106 --> 00:06:01,806 I've been sleeping on one for a couple years and has made a 112 00:06:01,806 --> 00:06:03,426 huge difference in how I sleep. 113 00:06:03,756 --> 00:06:07,566 Hit ghost bed.com and use the code, the Fallible man 30 to get 30% 114 00:06:07,566 --> 00:06:10,806 off your order and start getting better night's sleep tomorrow. 115 00:06:11,796 --> 00:06:13,776 Now let's go on to the show. 116 00:06:13,986 --> 00:06:17,106 We have the building blocks are the process of emotion. 117 00:06:17,976 --> 00:06:21,636 You understand there are four essential pieces to every emotion. 118 00:06:21,636 --> 00:06:24,876 It doesn't matter if it's happiness, sadness, joy, love. 119 00:06:25,476 --> 00:06:29,796 Every emotion you feel involves this four pillar process. 120 00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:34,926 You can now dissect it and understand the whys and the 121 00:06:34,926 --> 00:06:38,286 hows and such of your emotions. 122 00:06:39,186 --> 00:06:42,996 This will give you the ability to process them better and more complet. 123 00:06:44,031 --> 00:06:48,741 Now that we know the way they work, we can also make adjustments if desired. 124 00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:53,631 If you want to change your feeling, start with these four building blocks. 125 00:06:54,651 --> 00:06:58,311 You'll always have a stimulus which is likely outside of your control, 126 00:06:58,701 --> 00:07:04,971 and your awareness of things is always within outside of your control. 127 00:07:06,141 --> 00:07:09,651 However, you can stop and identify the stimulus. 128 00:07:09,651 --> 00:07:11,451 You may not be able to change it. 129 00:07:12,186 --> 00:07:18,996 But you can contextualize it if you stop and identify what the stimulus 130 00:07:18,996 --> 00:07:26,346 is, what triggered this idea, why it has power to affect you. 131 00:07:26,796 --> 00:07:31,386 This will give you more information and context to adjust perspective 132 00:07:31,596 --> 00:07:35,196 and the way you handle things once you understand where it's coming 133 00:07:35,196 --> 00:07:37,716 from and what is the thought behind. 134 00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:41,151 How you feel about that stimulus can be reshaped. 135 00:07:41,151 --> 00:07:42,651 Go back to the spider example. 136 00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:47,901 If you don't wanna be afraid of fi spiders, you might rehearse a different 137 00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,791 reaction starting with a new judgment. 138 00:07:49,851 --> 00:07:53,091 Now, , I know that's hard. 139 00:07:53,151 --> 00:07:55,071 There's a reason we're using the spiders example. 140 00:07:55,521 --> 00:07:59,061 While your subconscious is already directing you one way, based on 141 00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:02,991 the previous inputs and experience, your conscious mind can take 142 00:08:02,991 --> 00:08:06,021 control and overrule your subc. 143 00:08:06,771 --> 00:08:10,521 You tell yourself spiders aren't scary and try not to react when you see one, 144 00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:17,571 eventually you won't feel the fear anymore, but it might move to discomfort 145 00:08:17,961 --> 00:08:21,171 because that's part of the process is we're downgrading our response. 146 00:08:21,171 --> 00:08:23,841 It this, I mean, let's face it, spiders are evil. 147 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:27,831 That's why I'm picking on spiders because spiders are just evil and the spot 148 00:08:27,831 --> 00:08:29,931 of Satan and horrible little things. 149 00:08:31,431 --> 00:08:35,091 You may actually be able to move from being scared to being 150 00:08:35,091 --> 00:08:39,711 uncomfortable, to being not even really dis noticing, just like totally 151 00:08:39,716 --> 00:08:41,751 disinterested in what just happened. 152 00:08:42,651 --> 00:08:48,381 Or you might even gain a curiosity when you see spiders because they're 153 00:08:48,381 --> 00:08:51,951 not a fearful thing anymore, because you've moved through this process 154 00:08:51,951 --> 00:08:55,221 and reshaped how you react to things. 155 00:08:56,091 --> 00:08:56,721 Now, this takes. 156 00:08:57,876 --> 00:09:02,256 But now you have a logical break breakdown of how all the emotions 157 00:09:02,496 --> 00:09:09,246 happen, and you can work on taking control of those emotions because 158 00:09:09,486 --> 00:09:10,746 you have a logical breakdown. 159 00:09:10,746 --> 00:09:14,646 And because since we understand the pieces now as men, that's how our head works. 160 00:09:14,916 --> 00:09:16,776 We dissect it, we understand the pieces. 161 00:09:16,776 --> 00:09:20,616 We understand what's in our control, what's not in our control, what's 162 00:09:20,616 --> 00:09:22,896 changeable, what's not, what caused it. 163 00:09:24,021 --> 00:09:28,761 Now we can actually mess around with it and understand it and manipulate it 164 00:09:28,821 --> 00:09:32,721 and change it, whatever we need to do strangely, because you understand how 165 00:09:32,721 --> 00:09:39,171 they work and how to work within them, you are also gonna become more comfortable 166 00:09:39,171 --> 00:09:40,971 expressing them and even sharing them. 167 00:09:41,601 --> 00:09:43,071 S G I Joe used to tell us, right? 168 00:09:43,071 --> 00:09:45,981 Knowing is half the battle you are now equipped. 169 00:09:46,011 --> 00:09:49,881 Your brain can now process it and let our brain. 170 00:09:50,496 --> 00:09:55,566 Do that, which they're incredibly capable of doing, and use this knowledge well to 171 00:09:55,566 --> 00:10:00,546 affect how you deal with emotions, how you understand them, how you express them. 172 00:10:00,816 --> 00:10:03,396 This is gonna give you a lot of power, guys. 173 00:10:04,116 --> 00:10:09,606 Now I've been trying to do this every week, so thank you for the reviews, guys. 174 00:10:09,606 --> 00:10:12,966 Reviews keep coming in on my show and it means so much and it helps 175 00:10:12,966 --> 00:10:14,496 us get in front of more viewers. 176 00:10:14,916 --> 00:10:17,106 So thank you for all of you who are taking time to leave 177 00:10:17,106 --> 00:10:18,486 us reviews, and I like to read. 178 00:10:20,421 --> 00:10:23,631 Katie Brinkley said, this is not just for men. 179 00:10:23,931 --> 00:10:27,231 I enjoy listening to this podcast with my husband in the car on a recent road trip. 180 00:10:27,681 --> 00:10:30,891 Enjoy the insights and topics discussed and provides insights 181 00:10:30,891 --> 00:10:32,571 for both husbands and wives. 182 00:10:33,201 --> 00:10:37,161 Katie, thank you for taking the time to share with us, for letting us 183 00:10:37,161 --> 00:10:38,751 know how you felt about the podcast. 184 00:10:38,811 --> 00:10:40,071 It means the world. 185 00:10:42,231 --> 00:10:44,900 That you're sharing these things with your husband and I'm glad that 186 00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,010 you're benefiting front of it too. 187 00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:50,120 I try and keep my show where anybody can take the base, core of it. 188 00:10:50,420 --> 00:10:54,170 Some things are, most things are aimed at men, but that's because I 189 00:10:54,860 --> 00:10:56,190 wouldn't try and tell women what to do. 190 00:10:56,219 --> 00:10:59,009 I try and share with men how we can make ourselves better 191 00:10:59,009 --> 00:11:00,329 because that's the journey I'm on. 192 00:11:00,629 --> 00:11:01,409 So thank you for that. 193 00:11:01,414 --> 00:11:01,829 Katie. 194 00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:04,739 Guys, have you got something out of this and you're looking for someone 195 00:11:04,744 --> 00:11:08,789 to work with, to walk alongside with you as you start on your journey? 196 00:11:08,789 --> 00:11:14,249 Or if you're stuck point, check us out at www.fallibleman.com/coaching. 197 00:11:14,549 --> 00:11:17,622 You can set up a discovery call with me there and we can talk about working 198 00:11:17,622 --> 00:11:21,672 together one-on-one directly so I can have you get past that sticking 199 00:11:21,672 --> 00:11:23,322 point and get you on your way. 200 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,442 Thanks for taking the time to enjoy the show. 201 00:11:26,832 --> 00:11:29,682 Be better tomorrow because of what you do today and we'll see you on the next one. 202 00:11:30,222 --> 00:11:32,712 This has been The Fallible Man Podcast. 203 00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:36,612 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 204 00:11:37,512 --> 00:11:39,792 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 205 00:11:40,632 --> 00:11:46,992 Head over to www.thefallowman.com for more content and get 206 00:11:46,992 --> 00:11:48,492 your own Fallible man gear.