The New Dad's Guide to Navigating Parenting Challenges. | 10 Tips

[00:00:00] In the chaotic symphony of parenting, one truth reigns supreme. Nothing prepares you for the journey. Guys, buckle up as we dive into this new Dad's Guide to Navigating Parenting Challenges, which will help you on this journey to fatherhood. In this episode, we take a raw, unfiltered look into the constantly evolving role of being a dad and the messy but beautiful reality of raising kids.

So let's get into it.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question in this podcast. We'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the fallible man podcast.

Forget [00:01:00] everything, you know, about parenting as someone who's been knee deep in the world of children since my own early days from nursery duties and small churches to wrangling nieces and nephews. Thought I had the playbook down pat. Then came the curveball, my kids. Suddenly all those preconceived notions and well meaning advice seemed pretty stupid in the chaos of real life parenthood.

It's a wild ride filled with unexpected twists, unscripted moments, and a whole lot of love. Gentlemen, in this episode, I'm going to share 10 tips for new dads in navigating parenting challenges early on that will stand the test, I promise. When your kids come, no matter what, by the way, my name is Brent.

Welcome to the fallible man podcast. You're home for all things, man. Big shout out to fallible nation. That's our private community and a warm welcome to our first time listeners. Hey, thanks for checking us out. We know there's a lot competing for your attention, so we really do appreciate you taking the time to [00:02:00] hang out with us today and give us a chance.

Be sure and hit me up. On Instagram. That's my main platform, but any social media at the fallible man. And I'd love to hear what you think of the show. And if you really enjoyed it, be sure to leave us a review and share it with your friends that really helps us out. Now let's go on and get into this because I know why you're here.

You want to be a good dad. Number one, forget all of your preconceived notions. I worked with children my whole life, including as a young person and growing up in small churches, I was in the nursery, the cradle roll, little kids classes and way beyond, and I have lots of nieces and nephews. And I thought I had this down pretty well.

I started having my own children. So let me share this with you, learn what you can, but understand nothing matches up with it actually being your kid in the moment with you. [00:03:00] So just let all those preconceived thoughts of how you do it. Go by number two, you don't have to figure it all out from day one. I hear guys beat themselves up all the time over this.

I just wasn't, no one expected you to be prepared. Okay. Everyone jokes about the first kid being the experiment, but realize it's a growing experience for both of you. You'll learn to be a parent right alongside with your kids growing up. You'll still be learning to be a good parent. When your kids are out on their own and coming to you for advice about possibly their kids and their future.

Don't worry about people judging you. Only non parents will and screw them anyways. Pairing as a constant growth and evolution for the rest of your life. Number three, there's no such thing as perfect dad in all of [00:04:00] history. There has never been a perfect dad. Now, every dad should be on a journey to become Superman.

Your kids will thank your super old man long before you're even close. So don't let that way like your journey, but you should absolutely try to become Superman. Because you want to do the best for your kids, right? That's the example you want to set. Well, the Air Force brought in a group of Navy SEALs years ago to evaluate their pararescue school, because they had such a high wipeout rate in the school.

Only two of the eight to 10, I don't remember what the exact number SEALs graduated from the grueling two year school that they call Superman school. When they were asked why the SEALs said, we built Superman. You expect them to be Superman from day one. Fatherhood is a lifelong journey. Perfection is out of the question.

So don't worry about it. Number four, try not to schedule too many things. [00:05:00] Every dad struggles with this, especially if you're already an individual person. But the truth is everything takes longer with kids. And with a baby, especially everything takes longer, realistically add 30 minutes to most common things.

And then you can adjust up from there as you get experience going along. But just from the beginning, start with the assumption that everything in your life will take 30 minutes longer. You and the baby's mom are in a whole new world and we'll have to learn to do everything all over again. Plus one or two, depending on how many kids you have in that moment.

On top of that, you're both going to be exhausted from lack of sleep and high emotions. It's a good draining, but it is a drain. So give yourself a little more time and don't overschedule. Number five, when the going gets tough, take a break. There will be [00:06:00] moments when the world conspires to make dads mad.

When you haven't slept, the baby's crying, the bottle's boiling over, the phone is ringing. Your partner's cranky and you just want to scream, turn off the stove, go outside and take some deep breaths until you're ready to reenter the fray. Doesn't mean walk away. That means go compose yourself. Also, while many won't admit it, all dads go through this.

Okay. Let me say that again. All dads go through this. Don't beat yourself up for those angry flashes. As long as they don't materialize into the way you act towards your wife, your partner, or your child. But understand, give yourself the grace to step away for a minute. Number six, take care of yourself and your spouse.

Keep an eye on your driving, your [00:07:00] diet, your risk taking because guess what? You just made a lifelong commitment. Your kid needs you around, but being healthy and happy is more than that because being healthy and happy as a dad is one of the greatest gifts you'll give to your kids. Self care is important for you and it's important that you make time for and encourage your spouse to do the same thing, to take that self care.

Remember, you can't pour out of an empty pitcher. And this is one of those first things that you will try to do as a dad is just run yourself ragged and not take time for yourself because you're trying to take care of your partner and the baby. You've got broad shoulders as a man, you're meant to carry burdens, but you can only do so much of that effectively without taking care of yourself.

It will be good for you. It will be good for your partner and it will be good for your child. So be sure and take care of yourself. Number seven, talk to other new fathers and other fathers about your experiences and [00:08:00] theirs. This is something men just suck at. Mother's groups abound and women love them.

My wife loved hers and was part of two or three men suck at this. We're just, we don't, we don't do it. You don't need to call it a men's group. You don't have to hug or do sensitive air quotes, sensitive things, call you guys on out or whatever you need to, to make yourself feel better about it. But surround yourself with other dads who can help you with their experience and knowledge as you're making this year doing yourself.

It will be one of the best things you do for you and your family. Number eight,

make time with your family, a priority. When you look back on your life, because hindsight is not only 2020 hindsight can be a little bit nasty. When you look back on your life years from now, [00:09:00] you won't regret not having worked longer or more hours. You won't give a crap about that deal that you'll forget about two years from now.

And many of the other things you think are important now, just won't even be on your radar or in your memory. Well, you might regret is not have spending more time with your kids. When you could, I was there when my oldest took her first steps. I was halfway across the country when my second child did.

And I found out on a zoom call with my wife and it absolutely crushed me. Cause all of a sudden my kid just darted across the camera. She was running. I didn't even know she could walk yet.

It crushed me because I'll never get that moment back. Now, if that seems little to you right now, I promise in hindsight, 20 years down the road, you'll understand. And I really doubt it will take 20 years. Time spent playing on the floor or watching your [00:10:00] baby sleep is time well spent. Every moment, every first, every step is precious and we'll just fill your part up.

Those are the moments you will want to hold on to. Number nine, be part of their bed and bath routine, especially with newborns. A father needs a chance to create bonding opportunities with kids because they're naturally going to seek their mothers early on. There's nothing wrong with that, but you're going to have to fight for some of that time.

Well, bedtime and bath time are perfect moments where you can Begin to create traditions that will help develop a unique bond with your amazing children. This was a power move for me as a father. I mean, one of my absolute power moves. The one I look back now, when my kids at nine 12, I go, that was one of the smartest things you did, Brent.

And that's, you know, not, I know that's not saying much, but that's, this was a [00:11:00] power move. Okay. My daughters took showers with me from their first shower from the time we brought them home from the hospital until they were old enough to start to do it on their own. I just sit outside of the shower and reach in and help them shampoo their hair, help make sure they got the shampoo out of their hair.

Right. Until they were that age and I had to help them do that all the way to the newborns now My wife didn't want to hold a newborn in the shower because our bath is not exactly a nice It's a little traditional one piece nonsense. They stick in a lot of houses and I'm tall so, you know bath suck But this was amazing because instead of putting them in a baby bath I had skin to skin contact which is very valuable dad for building A connection with your children.

I had skin to skin contact time with them, which is precious, especially is that in that infancy, [00:12:00] my wife didn't want to try and hold onto a slippery baby and a pro tip, super slippery, newborns are super slippery, especially if you add soap and water, so be careful. But it was amazing time that my children bonded with me in a very intimate skin to skin contact that most women have when they're nursing a child.

We still do the same bedtime ritual at nine and 12 years old that they did when they were an infant and a three year old. We are still doing that same exact ritual. It hasn't changed. These are critical times for you to step in as a dad and really make some memories. Number 10, be extra patient, extra supportive and communicate better with your partner during this period, giving birth can be hugely traumatic experience.

Even if it goes smoothly, [00:13:00] hormones will continue to ebb and flow, uh, after the childbirth process is officially over. If there's ever a time for you to be understanding with your baby's mom and available to them, this is it. While you hear more about it with women, both of you can actually have variations of postpartum depression.

Your normal flow will be completely upended for a while and you need to be okay with that. Just decide that beforehand. This is a time to come alongside her and really show up for her as a partner, as a man. Remind her you love her and that she's amazing and that you're here and you're in this together.

This is a critical moment in your relationship. Now because it is Friday, I like to give you guys a little more than advertised. And so I have a bonus number 11 for you. Kids are portable. Number 11 kids are extremely portable these days. So don't stop leaving the house. Honestly, one of the biggest mistakes [00:14:00] people make in is thinking that the rest of their life seems to stop.

And I don't know about you, but my life doesn't ever seem to stop for anything. Cabin fever becomes a real thing very quickly for both of you. Especially if one of you is staying home with the baby, whether that's for a maternity leave or just stay at home, it can be really quick. That's bad English. It can very quickly feel like cabin fever for her, especially if she's staying home.

Okay. This increases the likelihood of postpartum depression, especially when you combine it with the fact that a lot of your non parent friends, your single friends. We'll disappear guarantee your circle will change drastically, but now it's an amazing time. There are, and I'm not associated with any brands I mentioned, and they're just throwing out examples.

There are amazing backpacks from brands like Kelty Kids. Ours was honestly one of the best things I ever bought as a dad. Like I love that thing and [00:15:00] passed it on to the next person because it was such high quality. That was preceded by the best baby shower gift we ever got, which was a Moby Wrap.

Backpacks require the children to be old enough and strong enough to hold their head up on their own wraps. Actually like wrap the child next to you. And they're great for infants. Go for walks, go places, do things. We were back in our normal season ticket holder seats for our local hockey team. A month after my oldest was born, put some cotton in her ears, beanie cap over to help hold it in place.

And she slept through most of the game in her wrap next to my wife or next to me, depending on who had the wrap on. Cause I'd walk around with a wrap on too. And my wife could actually comfortably nurse with the wrap on and a blanket. And we just went wherever we needed to go. Tacticalbabygear. com has some awesome stuff for moms and dads that will help you keep moving.

Their backpack diaper bag is freaking awesome. I wish I had had one. Uh, I [00:16:00] didn't buy that unfortunately, cause I didn't find it until after my kids were older than that. But I wish I had that diaper bag. Cause it was amazing. And it didn't look like a diaper bag, which was even more amazing. Like I said, I'm not affiliated with any of those brands guys, but those products were stellar as a dad for us being able to continue our lives.

And that's something that's going to be really important as you guys are developing. Remember it was you guys first, then the baby came along. So your life has to continue and the two of you have to remain in focus. So fellow dads, here's the bottom line. There's no one size fits all manual for fatherhood.

It's just not. It's a journey of trial and error, growth, great growth and grace, embrace the messiness, cherish the milestones. And above all, remember the perfection is overrated. Whether you're navigating sleepless nights are revealing reveling in the joys of tiny little victories because you'll have lots of those know that you're not alone [00:17:00] together.

We'll laugh, we'll cry and we'll muddle through the beautiful chaos called fatherhood. One imperfect moment at a time. I've got a lot more episodes about fatherhood. Be sure and check out some of those. So that's something that is coming up in your life. Now it is Friday on Fridays. We share listener reviews.

Because we love you guys. And honestly, I've got no show. I'm just an idiot on a microphone, uh, without my audience. So I like to celebrate you guys. And we got this amazing review, five star review called belonging says us guys get beat up on so many angles. It's refreshing to hear the conversations that happen on the show to help us become the best version of ourselves.

That was from, they call me breezer. I love you guys usernames. Thank you so much for that. It really does help us get more visibility and get. Shared with more people, uh, by moving our rankings and Apple podcasts, not because I care about the rank because Apple podcast shows the show to more [00:18:00] people. When you guys do things like that for me, if you want to hear your view right on the show, you got to leave a review.

And, uh, I love to celebrate you guys, dad, you got this. I know it's scary, but I promise these 11 tips will absolutely help you going forward. Unlike some of the other advice you get, be sure and check out my original 10 things every expecting dad should know video, audio, video, show, whatever episode, I'll try and link that.

Uh, if that's the path you're on, I guarantee that was one of the most popular shows I did. Because it helped a lot of dads. I want to help you guys out. Thanks for hanging out today. Be better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see on the next one. This has been the fallible man podcast. Your home for everything man, husband, and father.

Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to [00:19:00] www. thefallibleman. com for more content and get your own fallible man gear.