The 5 Virtues of a ”Good Man” with Nico Lagan

S04E27 Final Cut

[00:00:00] Stop listening to what people tell you your life should be and live the life you wanna live. The number one thing that people talk about on their deathbed is regret. And the number one regret that people have is to not living their life, but living the life that other people expected of them. So follow your dreams and have the balls to go after.

[00:00:28] Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential? Growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves. Well, that's the big question in this podcast. We'll help you answer those questions and more.

[00:00:48] My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast on the mission. Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. You're home for all things, man, husband, and father. Big. Shout out to Fallible Nation. You make shows like this possible on a warm welcome to our first time listeners. My name is Brent, and on today's show, we're gonna talk about the five virtues of a good man with my special guest, entrepreneur, author, Muey Thai instructor, and fellow podcaster, Nico Lagan.

[00:01:13] Nico, welcome to the show. Nico, I don't do big guest introductions because that really doesn't tell my guest, my listeners anything about my guests. So in your own words, who is Nico Lagan? Uh, that is a good question. I would say that I'm am, if I had to describe myself, I would say that I'm a eternal student, is what I would be.

[00:01:35] Eternal student. Yeah. Eternal student. I'm always learning. Yep. That's my goal. That's a good, that's always a good. Now Nico, get ready for the show. I was looking at your website and some of your work, and I've never heard a phrase quite, quite like this. What is a man's personal legend? A man's personal legend is a man's purpose.

[00:01:58] It's um, it's something that I read out of, uh, the Alchemist from Polo Cuelo. He the main character, super easy book, if you guys d how to wear of that book or you've never read it. Super easy read. But basically it's the story of a young man. Starts following his heart and he starts meeting a bunch of people that are trying to help him, and at one point he meets a king that starts talking to him about personal legend.

[00:02:25] Basically, it is your purpose of being on this earth. Why were you put here and your heart knows deep down you've known since we're a. What you're meant to do. But unfortunately, as adults, we tend to forget. We get busy with the daily grind. We as men, we're protectors, we're providers, we take care of our families, and then we completely forgot.

[00:02:49] We completely forget what they are. So my goal as a coach is to help men around 35 to 45. Rediscover what that personal legend is and actually grow the balls to go after it. Because it's not something that's easy following your heart, not living a life somebody wants you to leave, or the living a life that people around you wants you to live and just say, you know what?

[00:03:19] I'll do this on my own. I'll just go for it. Not the easiest of things. So this is where a lot of men needs guidance. Okay, now you're a fellow podcaster. What is the Nico Lain show about? Uh, see, this is a bit different because I, I grew up without a father. So my from, my dad left, I was 14. I saw him a couple of times before he died.

[00:03:46] And I did a lot of stupid shit before between 14 and 20, my early twenties. Mm-hmm. And I want to help men, young men that been through the same. So the whole point of the show is to introduce them to people that are entrepreneurs, people that are fighters, people that come from a very difficult background, and just to show them that it is possible where you come from is not as important as we're going.

[00:04:16] And hopefully because as you know, a lot of men don't have, a lot of young men at least, don't have strong male figures in their. Technology allows us to get access to people that we normally wouldn't have in our surroundings. So I'm trying to help those men, those young men, understand that there are people out there that are good men that are trying to help them.

[00:04:39] So hopefully by introducing to people that I find inspiring, a will inspire them as well. Okay. It's very cool. Very cool. I like the sound of that. Now, let me ask you, if you could have a conversation with anyone living, your dad, the pastor, present, future, who would it be and why? I would have to, I've had, I've had that thought so many times.

[00:05:05] I, I'd named to, I'd want to have a conversation with Nicola Tesla. I'm a, I'm an engineer by trade, so I'm a sales engineer. My dad was an engineer. I would love, to me, it's the most important or the smartest man to ever walk this earth. So I would love to pick his brain on all the technology that he invented that we never saw because it never came to light.

[00:05:28] And I would love to speak to Carl Jung, the psychiatrist. Because he was really the first one to introduce spirituality dreams, to psychology, to really bring them, bring the whole of the mine and the spirit together in order to comprehend the human being. It's not just the mine, it's not just the spirit.

[00:05:50] It's how both of them are connected. Mm-hmm. Which makes the human being that we are. So having a conversation, I'd love to have a conversation with the two. At the same time, that would make for a very interesting conversation. That would be a strict conversation. Ron, that's, uh, yep. Those two in the same room.

[00:06:07] I, I don't know that I would actually be able to talk as much as I just have to sit there and listen. Yeah. And add a third one. Let's add, um, uh, what's his name? Um, He's a, he's a boot. Alan Watts, let's add Alan Watts, Nicola Tesla, and Carl Young to the same room. That would be, that would be a very cool conversation.

[00:06:33] Yep. Now, before we go down the road here on stuff, I, I, you've kind of touched it. What, what's the why behind what you're. All right. You're on the road right now. You're, you're trying to introduce incredible people into the lives of young people, and I think part of it comes from your backstory, but, but is that the why, why you're still doing this today, why you've chosen this path?

[00:07:00] You know, one of the things I realized when I was younger, and especially through martial art, is I have some skills. I, I have a toughness to me, mental and physic. That I didn't know was there until I did martial art, until I got beat down, until I got my ass kicked on the daily base while going to the gym.

[00:07:21] And it just inspires me to try to show people that we all have that and. One thing that we forget in today's society, we're so over specialized that everything that we do is siloed. So we specialize in so many little things each. Each one of us specialize in one thing, but the silos don't necessarily talk to each other, and I find that we miss a holistic.

[00:07:52] I'm more of a jack of all trade. You and I can have a conversation about whatever subject you want. Chances are, I've read about it. I'm no expert, but I know something about it enough to carry a good conversation with somebody that's a specialist and get great information back for me to learn. So if there's one reason I do it, that's for this, is to try to teach people to try to see the big picture instead of.

[00:08:19] Focusing on the little thing on, on all the little things out there. Focus on the big picture and see how everything fits together. Okay. You, you and I, uh, definitely see eye to eye on that. I've, I've been told I don't niche down enough. Yep. I've had several. YouTube specialists and stuff like that, they're like, oh, you, you need to niche down harder.

[00:08:45] You can't, like men aren't niche there. There's a whole lot to us, and you can't fix this without fixing all this, this, this all comes together. And so, yeah, I, I agree with you on a holistic view on things. It. It's not that simple there. There's a lot of facets to who we are and why we do things, and we have to nurture all of them and grow all of them together.

[00:09:13] I think it's easier though. I think it's simple. I think life is super simple. It's because we overspecialize everything to make us feel smarter, but then we build such a ego on trying to impress o other people because we're so specialized that we just forget to step back and just look at it as a whole betw best example, your body, your mind, and your soul.

[00:09:37] We always treat one independently from the two. But we never tend to see that. Take depression, for example. Jim Carey said it best if you don't take, if you don't eat right, if you don't get sunlight, if you're not surrounded by good people mm-hmm. You're not helping yourself. So how you're surrounding what you put in your body and do you meditate?

[00:09:58] Do you take care of your inner self? Not there's, it's never gonna be in sync. And life is exactly the same if we tend to overspecialize everything. To make us feel smart. When you back away and you just look at it, you're like, life is not that complicated. People want to be happy. It's, it's really that simple.

[00:10:19] People just want to be happy. That's it. It's, it's not more complicated than that. Absolutely man. People want what's going to make their life wonderful cuz at the end of the day, absolutely be happy that that makes total Absolut. There's a reason why you have the pursuit of happiness as part of your, uh, declarance, your Declaration of Independence.

[00:10:46] There's no other country that's ever put that in that much of an importance. They talk about liberty, they talk about being able to defend yourself, and they talk about being able to pursue your happiness. How cool is that, that the forefathers. The intelligence to realize that they're not saying you need to be happy.

[00:11:07] That's not what they're saying. They're saying you shouldn't be allowed to chase happiness because happiness is a state of mind. You can be happy right now if you want. They had a lot of forethought in that document, man. The more time I through that is I, I. I, I'm very proud of that heritage right there, and I love history.

[00:11:29] My, my grandfather was a history professor, my sister was a history teacher, and so I grew up in a household where history is taught and just the amount of forethought and wisdom that went into the construction of that document between those great minds. It's like they were so far ahead. Most people don't even understand it.

[00:11:52] I know like we, from an outside perspective as a looking in, I love the constitution cuz we don't have a, you know that's the difference between we lost our war of independent things, England, you guys won it. And it shows your mentality. It shows in the way you guys carry yourself. And that document is proof.

[00:12:13] It's, sorry for my language, but it's not a bitch document, it's a document. Winners wrote. Fuck you. We won. This is what we want. We're winners. We want what winners want. And there's a document. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant document. Good for you. Should be proud to be to have been born under that document cuz you're so many Americans.

[00:12:38] Take that shit for granted and complain when they live in one of the best countries in the. But blah, blah, blah. They complain about everything instead of just seeing it for what it is. And you guys are fucking lucky to have, no, sorry, Lucky's not a good word. You guys are blessed to have had forefathers like that to put such a document together.

[00:12:58] Oh, I, I a hundred percent agree with you, man. It's, uh, it pains me. How, uh, we, we took our kids out of public school. Cuz it, it pains me cuz it's like, nope, this is the, that's me clapping for you guys. I'm proud of my heritage, I'm proud of our country and I, I hate that anymore. That's not part of, some people are like, oh, that's indoctrination.

[00:13:20] No, that's pride. That's pride in where we came from. There's nothing wrong with that. Absolutely not. You, you should be proud of. Yeah, absolutely. Couldn't agree with you more. Beautifully said, and good for taking your kids out of the education system. I don't have kids yet, but one thing's for sure. My girlfriend and I agree that they ain't going through that system either.

[00:13:41] Yeah. Not happening. It's broken. I know a lot of good teachers, but there's a lot of bureaucracy behind what they have to teach. Teach, and how they're running. Yep, yep. We're not doing that game anymore. Beautiful. Good for you. So, Nico, you've, I, you identified out the five virtues of a good man as you outline.

[00:13:59] You have a book upcoming about it, right? And you've talked about it in your previous book. What are they and how did you boil it down to these five? Right, because I, I, I tax my brain all the time. It's like, okay, if I wanted to get it down to, you know, core values, right? Yep. What, what contain what, which ones contain all of what I believe in the stand for?

[00:14:21] So how'd you get there? It's, um, it's really not that easy, quite frankly, because at the end of the day, it, it's derived from stoicism. I don't know if you read stoic texts like meditation from Marcus Aurelius, for example, which is I do probably the mo, the most known they have their four virtues, which is wisdom, courage, justice, and tempera.

[00:14:45] So they, they were able to group everything together in those four words. I agree with what they are, which mine, our protector provider, courage, temperance, and Faith, very similar to them. But I had to add faith as a different component because I do believe. There is something to faith and not just in a way where it's religious, but faith in yourself, faith in other people, and faith and something greater than you because let's not lie to each other.

[00:15:27] How is trust ever established between two people? You have faith that the other person will be a good person. How do you establish confidence within. You have faith in yourself that you will be able to accomplish whatever it is that you put your mind to. How do you live a more fulfilled life? You know that there's something greater than you call it, God call it nature.

[00:15:55] Call it the universe that's conspiring to help you become a better man, achieve your goals, whatever you set your mind to. You're not alone in this. You are a simple part of a bigger. And there's something bigger than you that's trying to help. I thought that was missing from stoicism, although they do, their values are very aligned with nature, but I thought it deserved to have is its own virtue.

[00:16:26] But again, protector, it's your job as a man to protect your family. No questions about it. It's your job as a man to be a provider. So, The best can be, money can be support. Whatever it is that you're providing, you need to be the provider, but especially monetarily, you need to take care of your family.

[00:16:49] Courage, simple. If you don't have the balls to go after what you want, you'll never get it. It's one of the most important things a man needs is to have the balls and the belief in himself to go after what he wants. Temperance is the same thing. Self mastery. If you're not control, if you don't have control over your emotion, you're easily controllable.

[00:17:15] Cuz at the end of the day, you control three things. You control your emotions, you controls your, you control your actions, and you control your reactions. Those are the only thing that you have in your life. Make sure that those are within your power that you have. The skills you've worked on, developing the control of yourself so that you don't let other people control you because this world is filled with asshole.

[00:17:46] There's nothing you can do about that. Don't let people live in your head. Rent free, learn. To control your emotion, learn to step back from any given conversation, any given situation so that you're not controlled by others. So protector, provider, courage, temperance, and of course faith. Those are the fir five virtues of a good man.

[00:18:16] Guys, we are just getting started with ni. And the why behind this conversation. We're gonna dig into how to grow some of those virtues in your life, how to build them up and step so you can start this journey. After we have work from our sponsor, we'll be right back from work from Nico. Now, before we go any further, I wanted to share with you guys, I don't always tell you how much I love doing my podcast.

[00:18:41] Like I passionately love what I'm doing and one of the things that makes my life better as a podcaster is to work with a company like Grow Your Show. Grow Your Show is a one-stop podcast. Do it all. Now I use Grow Your Show for my marketing, but Grow Your Show is literally a one-stop shop. You can record your episode and just drop it off with them and they take it from there.

[00:19:01] It's amazing. If you are interested in picking up podcasting, it's a hobby, or maybe you're looking to expand your business and use podcasting in that aspect, talk to my friends over Grow Your Show. Adam will take care of you. I guarantee it. I trust him. He's my friend, he's my business colleague, and I wouldn't trust anybody else with my show.

[00:19:22] All right guys. Welcome back. We're here when Nico Logan Lagging. Sorry about that. Nico discussing the five virtues of good. Nico, before we roll deep into this, even farther, what purchase of a hundred dollars or less did you make in the last year that's had the biggest impact on your life? Wow. That's a great question.

[00:19:39] I would say, I actually, you're gonna like this, but I actually bought a very expensive cigar cutter. This will chop your fingers off. There's nothing like smoking a 50, $60 cigar mm-hmm. With a $1 cutter and it just destroys the tip. So, oh yeah. This, for the people out there, this is an investment. So, yeah.

[00:20:02] Important shit right there. Hey, he just owned, trust me as, as a cigar lover. I, I, exactly. The scene of getting a nice cigar and having the in just butchered and it, if you don't, this doesn't make sense to you, but trust me, it's, it's a huge thing. Oh yes, absolutely. Huge thing. Now, now Nico, people have at least a, a pretty good mental concept of I think the idea of provider and protector.

[00:20:28] Mm-hmm. Whether they deliver that or not, but they, at least the concept's pretty easy. Yep. Okay. I think a lot of men are struck with struggling with the courage part aspect of this. Mm-hmm. And just living courageous lives. Yeah. So, you know what, how can men step? The courage if this is a struggle for them.

[00:20:51] You know, this is a great question because it is. It's always the hardest one there. There's nothing like facing your fears. And one of the things I like about courage, and especially that it aligns with protector in my head, a man is supposed to know, How to defend themselves. They're supposed to know how to protect their family.

[00:21:12] They're supposed to know how hand-to-hand combat works, hand against knives, guns. They need to know how to use a gun. They needs to know how to use a knife. They needs to know how to deal with multiple attackers situational awareness. And one thing that gave me courage is really the fact that I fought as an amateur.

[00:21:35] I started martial art in my twenties, middle of my twenties. I decided to just start fighting for no reason. I had a really good job. I didn't need to do it. It was not out of, um, out of a need, except that I wanted to prove. And every single time I was scared shitless. It's absolutely scary to step into a ring with someone that wants to rip your head off, but at the same time, it was the greatest gift because it taught me courage.

[00:22:07] Cuz at the end of the day, a lot of people tend to believe that courage is a lack of fear. But it's, it's absolutely the contrary, courage. Is doing something, although you're scared shitless, so it's normal to be scared. It is the most natural thing to be scared of something, and in a survival situation, being scared might save your ass.

[00:22:32] If you're trained and you don't freeze, it will give you something. Extra. It will give you that L extra speed, that extra power, that extra agility, because you do not want to die. You want to survive. So courage to me is developed through martial art. And martial art will teach you to fail. So I don't think that there's anything that's taught me more than doing martial art, fighting as a martial artist, and then evolving to teaching martial.

[00:23:08] It is the number one thing that has changed my life as a man. I, I would go as far as to say that martial art forged me as a man. I was forged under fire. I was forged under a hammer and a hand and an vil, and that is all thanks to martial art. You, you certainly picked one mu mui. Thai is, uh, like if you're, if you're in a go man.

[00:23:37] Wow. Yeah, I, I see a lot of guys rolling in jujitsu and I, I don't do martial arts officially. Yep. I, I MMA stuff before MMA was a big thing. Mm-hmm. My brother and I used to spar after school every day. That's how we dealt with our getting school. We just came home and beat living crap out of each other.

[00:23:56] Like broken bones and stuff like that. Yep, yep. Sometimes hand to hand, sometimes baseball bats, you know, just depending on the day. It got a little wild. Sometimes. I got some scar. But, you know, I, I see a lot of guys moving into jujitsu. I'm, I'm glad to see that coming up as a more mainstream. People have seen it.

[00:24:15] Yep. Muy thai is not as commonplace, and finding instructors tends to be difficult unless you live in a really big area. But it's a, it's a pretty brutal sport, man. I like the elbows versus Muai is very different. It's the, what I like about Muai is you look at boxing, for example. That's the most traditional that we have in the West.

[00:24:37] Mm-hmm. But how many times have I broken a hand? I, I've broken my right hand outside of a ring. A head is very hard compared to your hand. So injuring your hand is brutal. Same thing as. If you look at the beauty about moai is the elbows in the knees. You're never gonna break your elbow in somebody's face.

[00:24:57] You're never gonna break your knee in somebody's face. You might break your, your, um, your foot if you're a kickboxer, but a mota. In Moai, we kick with our shin bones very hard to, to, it's possible to break a shin bone, but it's very hard to do so. So yeah, the, the martial art and the clinch, there's close to, there's close.

[00:25:19] But I gotta say that probably the best martial out there is Krama. Gado. One of my buddies is I, he's old idf, so he is from Israel. Mm-hmm. He trained the military in hand-to-hand combat. And the base of Mui Thai is perfect for that style cuz if you've heard of kra. Maga, they didn't invent anything. Those guys sent spies.

[00:25:42] So Jewish people sent spies all over the world to go copy all the best techniques that they could. Brought it back and said, okay, what's a style that we can develop that's more normal? Like that, that we live in a very tight space. How do we develop a style that will incorporate knives, guns, multiple attackers?

[00:26:04] How do you put that all together? And that's krama go for you. But it's hard to find a good instructor cuz most instructor out there are garbage. Absolute garbage. You see the videos that are shown online? All I can think of is you would've got killed like five times. That shit though. Shit is that fucking word.

[00:26:23] But mok is the perfect, and BJ goes to the ground, but in a real fight, don't go to the ground. Yeah. One of my buddies, uh, a high level bjj, and one of the first he does, he does a lot of security work. He told me himself, you know how many times I got stabbed? You're on the ground, you're hand to hand, clip a knife, and it's backpack.

[00:26:44] You can't go anywhere. You're screwed. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I Mu Muai was developed as, Martial art and a national sport all at the same time. Mm-hmm. Like it was meant for competition. Yep. Kra Mugga was meant to just knock your ass out and be done with you. Yep. Like, that's possible. The Israelis didn't mess around.

[00:27:08] They, they grabbed the best things and compound it into, how can I take you out of it being a threat in the shortest mountain time possible. Yep. With the least energy expense. Like it's, it's a military. Yeah, it's very different than what it was for, what it was developed for as opposed to a formal martial art.

[00:27:28] Uh, Muai is a ba Yeah. Sorry, go ahead. I did, I'm a fan of both. I'm a fan of both, so, but have you seen Mu Boran, which is the Deriv Muai is a derivative from when Boran Mu Boran was the, the equivalent of the military system that the ties would have. They would fight with swords. They would fight with bows.

[00:27:49] They would fight with sticks. And when Boran would incorporate it, but if they ever lost their weapons, this was when Boran, you would fight hand-to-hand combat and then they started testing themselves in a ring, which Muai came out of this. Mm-hmm. Still a beautiful sport though. So guys, I think the short version of this is, man, if you, if you got a place, seriously, get out and push yourself.

[00:28:15] Men have a need to compete. We have a need Absolutely to. Take part in physical risks. And so, I mean, go join your local, uh, you know, Jisu place. Go join what, whatever you got, right? Something is better than nothing. Men, were born to be dangerous. We need to be dangerous and it will help you not freeze up in a bad situation.

[00:28:45] It will help you come to. Be more courageous because you have more confidence in your ability to move and to function. It will also help your health cuz you know, you, you can't be a fat lump and enrolled jujitsu or something else without getting your ass beat. So yeah, and I go even further. You know how desirable you are to women.

[00:29:06] Women from all circles of life, and the number one thing they've always said to me, you know how secure I feel walking down the street with you at any given time? Cuz they know I'll put myself in danger in order to save that. Not only that, but I know what to do. Mm-hmm. Absolutely. Now Temperance is an old.

[00:29:27] That's not something you hear a lot these days. Nope. And it, it's something that I think we need to revitalize a little bit. We're just not familiar with that word as much. So let's, let's break down temperance. You know, I, I'm happy you said it that way because I use temperance on purpose so that people ask me what it is, so it allows me to actually explain it.

[00:29:51] C Temperance of self-control as self, no, sorry, not self-control. I will rephrase that. Temperance as self mastery. It is all about the self, how to control what you are, who you are. As you said, men were supposed to be dangerous. We're supposed to be vicious. We're supposed to be able to do unspeakable things in the proper situation.

[00:30:18] For example, defending your family. But temperance will teach you how to. I like to call that dark side the monster. If temperance will teach you how to control your monster, how to put him on a leash, make sure he is leashed. He only gets off that leash if this situation calls for it. But you need to be able to control that dark side of you.

[00:30:44] You need to be able to control your emotions. You need to make sure that you are a rock for your. You need to make sure that you can put your ego aside. You can put your emotions aside. You can think before acting. You can especially think before reacting because this is one of the toughest things you'll ever do.

[00:31:03] Being able to step back from an actual situation when it's happening, like taking a decision that I'm gonna make this or that. That's a simple action, but taking. Taking one of your reactions in the middle of a moment when it's happening, being able to tell yourself, okay, this is the situation at hand.

[00:31:26] What are my options? What should I be doing? And taking a wise decision. This is temperance. Having your emotions, your monster, your actions under control and adding. The fact that you need to understand that you operate in a world that's interconnected. There is such a thing as nature and nature. I'm not just talking about trees and grass there.

[00:31:53] I'm talking about human nature. I'm talking about everything that we share. It is your job to use that as almost logic as well, cuz emotions tend to be very unlogical or illogical. Sorry. So temperance helps. Control everything that you put into this world. Cuz if you wanna understand the world, understand yourself first.

[00:32:23] People get it confused cuz they think that men, that as men, were advocating for not uhhuh, right? Yep. No, no. Man I know is actually advocating for being emotionless. Every man I know experiences, emotions, the difference. Men understand how to learn to control their emotions and not be ruled by them.

[00:32:48] Beautifully said. And somehow that has been translated to Well, well, men just, you know, they push down their emotions. No, we, no, we logically control our emotions until they suit us. Right. This is the whole point. This is the whole, whole point, what you're saying. It's beautifully said. Your job as a man is to.

[00:33:09] Very in touch with your emotion to a point that you know how to control them. My girlfriend knows all the darkest portions of me, and she knows all the beautiful stuff about me as well. I am very in touch with my emotions with my girlfriend, but when I step into the world, I make sh I, I'm careful about what I project out there guys, but that doesn't make me emotionless.

[00:33:35] That just makes me controlled. There's a difference. Well, and guys, look at it this way, go, go, go visit a prison and find out. Ask. Ask how many men, how many men are there because they lost control in a complicated situation. Yep. And acted emotionally instead of taking a step back because you can ruin your entire life Yep.

[00:34:05] In one careless reaction because you didn't control your emotions. It, it take, it takes a split second, split second to let your emotions get the best of you and destroy everything you've built in your life. That that's all it. So we're not advocating for men being emotionless. We're advocating for men taking ownership and responsibility of their emotions and controlling them.

[00:34:32] So, you know, just people tend to get that twisted how that is. And guys, if you're getting something out of this, do all the good social media nonsense. You know, guys, I hate this stuff. Likes thumbs up, believers, reviews, all that, blah, blah, blah, blah crap that we don't care about. Let, let's keep rolling now.

[00:34:50] Sorry, dude, I, I, I can never, that's, I hate social media for a guy who make the living on social media, so it's, uh, yeah, it's, it's an interesting, my, my friends all love to like you, you understand the irony of the fact that you do this, right? I was like, yeah, yeah. Shut up. Iron irony is the beautiful thing.

[00:35:11] Right. That's a beautiful thing. Yep. And Nico say that we, we are at a point in our life, right? You said your first book, you and your main aim is that guys between 35 and 45, who they feel like we've hit this kind of area in our life, right? Mm-hmm. Like we have a, we maybe works in progress, but we have a pretty good handle on these five virtues.

[00:35:33] But where do we go from? See, this is where the personal legend comes into play because as the man, if you take those five virtues and you apply them to your day-to-day life, That means that what you want doesn't really matter as much as what your family needs. So it's very easy to get into the daily grind for 15, 20 years.

[00:35:56] Your kids are almost grown up. You've taken care of them, you've been the provider they needed. You've protected them. You've raised your boys to be good men. You married a very good woman. That can teach your daughters how to become great women as well. And now you're at a point where you realize that, holy fuck, I'm 40.

[00:36:15] What the fuck am I gonna do next? Because at one point, most of the guys that are, that taken those five virtues and applied them are very good men. They know, they, they, you know, our society is built on the back of good men. Blood, our sacrifice. But after a while, when you are to a point in your life where you're wiser, you're smarter, you're older, you have money in the bank, you understand how money works, you understand how to provide, how to protect, why not take it to the next step?

[00:36:45] Because at one point, you know that that feeling you have in your gut, that tells you that you're meant for something. When you hit 35, you start feeling it cuz you're like, oh shit, okay. I've been a good man for 10, 15, 20 years now what's next? Am I supposed to do this the rest of my life or is there something else?

[00:37:05] And in my opinion, if you are meant to be the best provider that you can be, that means you need to provide as well as you can be. So why limit yourself when, when you hit that age you're normally comfortable with a career, you're comfortable, you, you're able to take risks. Your kids are older, you're wiser.

[00:37:23] You know what you want, and you have the balls to go after it. But often men have been so disconnected from their life's purpose, their personal legend, that they forgot what it is. So they need to learn the tools to get from where they are to going after what they were meant to do. So at a certain point, you've paid your dues to your.

[00:37:52] And take it up yourself to find out, because at the end of the day, you need to lead by example. And if you teach people around you to pursue their dreams, what better give them? What if? Can you show your kids, your sons, your daughters, that. I have the balls to follow my dreams. I have the courage to go after it.

[00:38:14] I don't care what other people are gonna say about me quitting my nine to five and putting it all on the line for my dream. What's better to teach than that? To actually don't listen to the other people. And I got a feeling you're exactly like that. If you took your kids outta school, that means you don't really give a fuck about what society.

[00:38:33] About the way you're raising your kids, what more beautiful gift can you give them than to show them, not through words, but through actions, that this is what a man does. We go after our purpose. Once our family's been taken care of, I cannot stress that part enough. You need to be a good man in order to be able to do that.

[00:38:52] You don't just fucking dump your family when you're living paycheck to paycheck. That's not right as a man, if that's what you're doing. You need to be on the ball. And once you're there, take some time for yourself and figure out what you really want. Nico, what are the first three steps our listeners can take away from this conversation right now to start on this journey?

[00:39:17] If they're looking at their life and going, man, I need to get myself squared away, what are the first three steps they can take away from this conversation? Go the, the first thing I would suggest is to spend time by. This is one of the hardest thing for the average person to do. I spent the last two and a half years, I left Canada about three and a half months ago, but prior to that, I spent two and a half years in the log cabin in the middle of nowhere.

[00:39:43] All I did is I, I still have my nine to five, but I spent a lot of time alone away from people discovering who I was. So, spend time alone, suffer a bit. I, I understand that it's not feasible for everybody to take two years off, and I don't recommend that you do, but take a couple of weeks off, leave your cell phone at home.

[00:40:05] Bring a couple of books like Marcus Aurelius Meditation, as we were talking about earlier. Bring some Buddhist texts, bring some, bring the Bible with you. Bring spiritual texts. Spend time by yourself. Start meditating. Start listening to that little voice inside of you that's very soft. That's always been there, but start listening to it.

[00:40:27] Start asking it questions. Close your eyes, meditate and just see what it has to say. And don't judge. Just listen to what it has to say. And I'm guarantee. Through loneliness, through meditation, there is a message that's gonna come out of this, and the next step after that is to actually, as I said, have the balls and the discipline to go after it.

[00:40:52] And I might be very biased, but I think the best way to build that tho those set of balls to build that discipline is through account. So find somebody to keep you accountable, a mentor, a coach, somebody you look up to, somebody you don't want to let down, but find somebody that's accomplished what you want to accomplish and have them help you.

[00:41:19] So, as I said, coach, mentor, whatever the person is that can show. So it's all about.

[00:41:35] Fund the proper people to surround yourself. Your inner circle, as you will, needs to be very clean and needs to be filled with people that inspires you. You know the expression, hang out with five millionaires. Chances are you'll be the sixth. Spend some time alone. Actually, this is the number one thing.

[00:41:55] This is the number one thing. Spend time alone, spend some time, and just get back into listening to yourself studying. Growing. Hearing yourself time alone scares people. Ma'am. It is so important. Yep. And then have the courage to go and surround yourself with people who are gonna hold you accountable and lift you up and help you go there.

[00:42:21] Right. And remove just one thing I'm gonna say here, but I'm gonna say toxic people in your life. There's, there's only two type of people in your life, people that elevate you. People that bring you down, take a piece of paper. Write everybody's name that you have around you that you spend time with on that piece of paper.

[00:42:45] Take another piece of paper, split it right down the middle and say, elevate. Bring me down and filter every single person from that first piece of paper and put them on that second. Be honest, don't think about what they brought you 10 years ago, what they bring you. Because we are surrounded by toxic, by toxic individual that brings us nothing than drama.

[00:43:08] And this is the part that people don't like, but often it's family. Family often brings a lot of toxicity in your life, and it's unfortunate, but sometimes you have to separate yourself from. For a while, and I'm not, I'm not advocating that that's what people should always do, but be honest. Is the family member, if they, if they were a friend, would you have kept them around?

[00:43:34] What's the number one thing you want people to hear today? If people catch nothing else, what's the number one thing you want 'em to hear? Follow your heart a hundred percent. Stop listening to what people tell you your life should be and live the life you wanna live. The number one thing that people talk about on their deathbed is regret.

[00:43:57] And the number one regret that people have is to not living their life, but living the life that other people expected of them. So follow your dreams and have the balls to go after it. What's next for Nico Lein? Um, I want to help as many men as possible. Let's the, the first book's just about to come out.

[00:44:17] The second one's gonna come out shortly after that. I'm, listen, I'm building, I'm building an empire. Like if you saw what on the platform, it's absolutely incredible. It's just a matter of time. I just need to, but I just want people, I just wanna help men. I wanna help men not go through what I've gone through nothing.

[00:44:39] 20 years to learn all the things I've learned, and instead learning, learning it from somebody that's been there and that somebody doesn't need to be me. As long as you have somebody to teach you the pitfalls. You know, we all make mistakes and some mistakes deserve to be made, but there's a lot of them that don't.

[00:45:00] Going to prison for selling drugs is not a mistake. You should, you should be paid for. You should pay for, you should know better. I was lucky I didn't do time for it, but it's a mistake that would've been very costly, as you said earlier, about losing your temper in the bad, in a, in the wrong situation. So yeah, I just want to help, man.

[00:45:19] I was meant, I was, I was put on this planet to help. So love me or hate me. I don't really care, just as long as I helped you. That's, that's, that's perfect for me. I think I just found another brother from another mother. So, you know,

[00:45:37] the first of many conversations, Niko find you. Uh, you can find me on YouTube at Nicole Aen. You can find my website, Nicole Aen, you. My book is gonna be on there soon. You can find me on, uh, Facebook, Instagram at coach ni nicole a And if you really wanna see reels, that helps most people out there go on my TikTok and look at an equal coach.

[00:46:04] All my stuff that tough people is there. So, Guys, as always, we'll have all of Nico's links down in the, uh, show notes or in the description. Whether you're watching this on YouTube or catching this on the podcast platform, we will have all of an Nico's contact information so you can find him easily. Uh, and hopefully, like I said, this won't be the last conversation cuz I, I think we're Kinded hearts here guys.

[00:46:30] Thanks for hanging out with us, Nico. Thanks for being on the show. Absolutely tomorrow because of what you do today, guys, and we'll see you on the next one. This has been the Fallible Man Podcast. Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get your own fallible man here.