Six Unconventional Strategies to Rekindle Romance in Your Marriage

Six Unconventional Strategies to Rekindle Romance in Your Marriage

[00:00:00] What if I told you that reigniting that spark in your marriage is less about grand gestures and more about tiny brain hacking moments You can share every single day. Stick around because in the next few minutes you're gonna learn six unconventional strategies backed by neuroscience and real world results that will flip your script on feeling like roommates and turn your relationship back into the adventure it was always meant to be.

Today's episode is all about answering that all important question, how do I stop feeling like a roommate in my marriage? If you and your spouse have slid into that purely logistical conversation, like, who's picking up the kids? Did you pay the bills? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, you're not alone, and we're gonna break that pattern and upgrade your connection today.

You see, unless you've been married for shorter than a hot minute, you probably started to feel this just every now and then, and the longer you've been married, the more likely it is you're to encounter this, especially past the three year mark. Once you get towards the 10, [00:01:00] 15, 20 year mark into your marriage, you're likely to run into this.

And guys, it happens to everybody. It's happened in my marriage before and I had to work my way back out of it. Most people assume that the key to intimacy. Scheduling date nights or planning expensive getaways wrong. You probably heard the advice. Just talk more or have a weekly date. Night wrong. Don't get me wrong, I love weekly date nights, but here's the thing, piling on more scheduled romance often feels like just another item on the to-do list.

I believe that intimacy, intimacy doesn't come from more time. It comes from different experiences together. Small dopamine triggers. And playful vulnerability. In fact, if you think back to the beginning of your relationship, there is a whole lot more of that than just the everyday Monday. Things that tend to drag us on as we get later into our marriages, couples who integrate micro novelty, playful challenges, and intentional vulnerability into their [00:02:00] routine report, higher satisfaction scores, closer emotional bonds, and more spontaneous affection.

No expensive vacations required clinical studies on oxytocin activation, and dopamine release back this up. Tiny changes in your day can have massive ripple effects on your entire relationship. So here's the roadmap. We're gonna walk through six brain-based hacks, each one designed for your busy schedule as men who want to feel alive with their partners again.

I know it's a lot more to add, but that is worth being intentional about your marriage, and I know you're busy, so we're gonna make it pretty simple for each thing. I'll give you the context of what it is, just in simple terms, terms application on how you can actually do it with real life examples and framing why it matters in the grand scheme of shifting from roommates back to lovers.

So let's get straight into it. Number one is mystery messages and curiosity triggers. So for context, it's just sending your [00:03:00] partner a secret symbol or maybe an emoji midday, kinda like a puzzle piece emoji to signal. I'm thinking of you. Let's talk tonight. Or maybe a simply signaling other things like, Hey, hey, tonight, you and me time.

Right? So simple application. Agree on a simple code. Maybe it's the magnifying glass emoji. That means surprise me or a heart emoji. That means share something from your heart. It can become an entire language on its own. You just have to agree upon it before then send it over a text or. Leave a sticky on the fridge and draw it, be original.

Put it in their notes. Decoding becomes a mini game in your relationship and you can build an entire language with these emojis or other little things, right? Peach emoji, water emoji, eggplant emoji. Uh, some couples, I was watching a movie the other day and they held up their, the, he held up three fingers and it was the, I love you sign hand, sign that some couples [00:04:00] use.

Why this actually works. What you're doing is hijacking the brain's novelty reward center instead of a routine check-in. You spark genuine anticipation, especially if you really playing with some of these emojis, some of the things that you can communicate with them, transform your communication from chores to playful intrigue.

It can put a lot of excitement back in there. You can leave a note for your partner in their lunchbox that has all kinds of implications that only you get or they, that you guys get together, right? I. So it puts some fun and playfulness back into the relationship that's gotten into the mundane. The mystery message hack is a game ch game changing spark for just sparking curiosity, and curiosity is important in all forms of communication.

But before we dive into the next intimacy booster, lemme tell you about our partner who makes those Spark field evenings. Even more fun and more possible with a quick word from our sponsors over at MyPillow.

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Anytime with our favorite sponsors, MyPillow. Now, gentlemen, let's jump right back into the show because I know you're here because we're working on fixing your marriage. So let's get into it. The Driven to Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving.

Purpose-filled intentional lives. Welcome to The Driven to Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men. [00:06:00] I'm your host, Brent Dallen, and we help men go from living to thriving purpose-filled intentional lives. Now, if you love triggering your partner's curiosity with the mystery boxes above, you're gonna flip out for this next tactic.

Tactic. Are you ready to get truly vulnerable? All right, here we go. Number two, mandatory naked time. Now for context, this is simple as exactly what it sounds like. Designate a clothing free zone or set nudity hours. No pressure for sex, just sleeping or reading together. Nude, really simple, and that's an important thing guys.

No pressure for sex. This is just naked time. Naked time. Now, how do you apply this? Pick a bedroom rule, right? Lights off. Close off by 10:00 PM or claim Sunday mornings for it. Commit and laugh about the awkwardness together, guys. I know this is complicated if you have kids, so you may have to be a little more strategic with it.

But think about when you first got married. How [00:07:00] often did you actually wear clothes? I know we didn't a lot, but as you go on with life, you start wearing more and more clothes. In fact, a lot of couples sleep naked together when they first started marriage. As the years go on, that changes. Well, science has already told us through multiple studies, and I dunno who studies this stuff, but thank you for studies.

I guess that sleeping in the nude together creates more intimacy in your marriage and that's without sex. Okay? You take your clothes stuff and get into bed, just sleeping. Couples that sleep without clothes are actually more close framing for this. Why does it work? It's the vulnerability. Vulnerability is Intimacy's secret sauce.

Maybe that was the secret sauce being seen naked. Literally, there's nothing to close you. There's nothing to hide behind. It activates oxytocin. It deepens trust. It reminds you why you fell in love now. If you [00:08:00] two both agree that that time leads to other things, great, but just being together in that vulnerable state, laughing about the awkwardness of it, having that time together actually deepens your connection in a radical way.

In a way that a lot of us lose track as the marriage years. Go on, take your clothes off and get in. Vulnerability is key, but without fresh experiences, you feel stuck still. Which takes us to number three, which is micro novelty, eventual adventures. Once a week, carve out two hours for spontaneous unplanned outings.

No itinerary, no planning. Just wake up. On Saturday or on Thursday night and say, let's find the weirdest coffee shop in town, or let's explore the graffiti that we've seen in the alley that we drive by when we're going through town. Be careful what alley that is, right? But keep it totally random. Find someplace new.

Go to a new restaurant. Go walk through a city park you've never been in. [00:09:00] Let's go out tonight. I know factually, there are places in the tiny little town I live in that I've never actually spent any time. It's not in the segment of town where I spend the most time in find random, strange things. It doesn't have to be planned.

In fact, like I said, don't plan it. Just do it. Go have a new adventure. Why does that work? Because novelty triggers dopamine. Tiny adventures break the domine dulling routine of every day, and it injects excitement back into your partnership. If you think back to the beginning of your marriage, everything was new.

Even if you dated for two or three years, everything was new in your relationship. There was the first time you did this together as a married couple, right? You may have gone to dinner a thousand times in three years of dating, but there was a first time you went together sharing the same last name.

There was the first time you went to dinner at this restaurant sharing the same last [00:10:00] name. There was a first time, and there were a lot of first times in those early years of marriage. That is life and the mundane monotony of just doing every day, paying bills, going to work, washing clothes, cleaning the house, making meals, going to this event, that it gets monotonous.

There stops being new experiences because Mr. And Mrs. Dwan, that's me. Have gone to this restaurant a thousand times, or we've done this a thousand times. Right. That is part of the problem. Why you feel like roommates, those new micro novel experiences. Actually put a lot of excitement back into your marriage and into your relationship.

It triggers a closeness and a bond to experience new things. So that might be trying that shady res sushi restaurant, or maybe not a shady sushi restaurant. If you've had that experience, terrible, really, really bad fish. But find new experiences and [00:11:00] just go by the seat of your pants. It's a great adventure, guys, and it's a great way to put romance and emotion and excitement back into that roommate relationship as you're trying to move back to that lover relationship.

And adventure is great, but share goals can bond you even more. So number four is collaborative passion projects. Choose a non-routine project. This is really important, non-routine, so something you don't do every day, right? We understand non-routine. So to give us some context, guys, monthly just swap one daily routine or hobby with your partner.

Cook their favorite dinner, or try their workout or handle a work task together, right? How does this actually look? Well, you could sign up for MM, CLA MMA classes or let them drive your morning commute or. Very simpler. Very simpler. That's good English. Very simply, just switch something. If you normally do lawn work and take out the trash, and she [00:12:00] normally washes dishes and cooks dinner and does laundry, swap it up for a day or swap it up for two days.

You see what happens is you start to appreciate what the other person does, so you could do something fun like swapping your workouts. One of my favorite power couples on YouTube is Brian Shaw and his wife Kerry. Brian Shaw, if you don't know who he is, was four time World strongest man. The dude is like six nine or 6 10, 400 pounds.

The man is a gargantuan human being. Super strong, very cool, right? One of the top competitors in the world for years. His wife Kerry, was a bikini competitor. One of my favorite videos is where they swap routines. They'll swap either eating each other's meals, so he'll eat like a bikini competitor for the day, which makes a 400 mile pound man starve, by the way, so.

You can swap things out like that, right? And that's what we're talking about, stepping into each other's shoes and [00:13:00] experiencing life through the other person's eyes and own experiences. This will give you a brand new appreciation for each other. By expanding your skill sets and identities, you cultivate empathy.

You renew admiration for what each other does, and everything each other does for the other person. And also everything you go through, it breaks that autopilot of the roommate mode and helps you. Have a deeper appreciation for everything your spouse does for you or you do for her in a whole new way.

Whether you're just switching up who's cooking and who's mowing the lawn, or you're switching workouts, jumping into each other's shoes will actually help you go to a whole nother level while row reversal fosters empathy. One of the things you need to do is track your growth. You need a a lab mindset.

We're gonna get scientific here with number six. Which is the personalized love lab experiments. Now, this is where it gets really exciting because we're gonna treat your marriage [00:14:00] like a science project. Not like weird science, science, but like actual science. Each month designate a brief experiment, like writing a surprise note for 10 days straight, and then measuring the impact it has in your relationship.

So really simple hypothesis, right? I hypothesize that a daily sticky note will boost my wife's mood by 15 or 20%, and so every day I'm going to write her an encouraging sticky note and leave it for her to find right after two weeks, compare notes, share observations, and tweak the next month, experiment and play with it.

Guys, this can be all kinds of fun and you can find all kinds of exciting things about your marriage. Because now you are actually getting active in your marriage and you're trying new things and experimenting with what makes you guys tick the best. [00:15:00] Consciously observing what works, strengthens positive feedback, loop feedback loops and amplifies oxytocin bonding, which is a real thing.

It's not some made up word, but it keeps you moving forward. You're putting effort into finding what's gonna take your marriage into the next step. One of the biggest killers of marriages. We get lost in the mundane. We stop treating it like a prize position. We stop working it every day. We stop treating it like the incredible opportunity it is.

So put the excitement back in your marriage. In this episode, we're throwing a lot of things at you that will help you with that. But when you start putting that excitement back in and trying new things and experimenting with what makes your marriage better, with what makes you guys happier. You're gonna learn things so quickly that you're gonna snap outta the roommate mode really quickly.

Now, if your relationships are not where you want them to be, I want you to know I got you. Relationships take a [00:16:00] lot of work and can fall on the back burner pretty easily. As you empire build in your life, men often suffer from damage to their relationships while they're trying to provide, because we feel this need and burden to provide for our families, which is important, but it's really easy to lose track of the most important things along the way.

So if your relationships aren't where you want 'em to be, be sure to reach out and schedule your free discovery. Call over@purposedrivenmen.com. There's a button right there. Go straight to my calendar. Let's look at what's going on in your life, and maybe I'm good fit for you. Maybe I'm not, we'll figure that out.

But let's look at some of the skills you need to develop to connect deeply with the people who matter most, the people you're doing this for. Anyways. And see if we can get you out of this stuck mode and moving back forward positively in those relationships. Guys, there you have it. Six secret dopamine hacks to pull you out of the roommate territory and back into real intimacy.

Implement even one of these and you're [00:17:00] gonna notice a shift. Curiosity sparks conversations, nudity breeds vulnerability. Novelty fires up your brain projects, fuel teamwork, role swaps, spark empathy in your marriage and lab experiments. Ensure that you keep evolving forward in a positive direction. Stop sharing space and start rediscovering each other one dopamine hack at a time, and I promise it's gonna move your marriage into a great direction.

Until next time, keep curiosity alive and be better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see you on the next one. The Driven to Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving. Purpose-filled intentional lives. Disclaimer, MyPillow, like any other source cycles, promos because of the extended lifecycle of a podcast.

The immediate promotion that you heard me in this episode may no longer be in effect when you hear it because you can be hearing this five years from when I recorded it. However, as long as MyPillow is a sponsor of the Driven to Thrive broadcast, our show, our promo code Thrive is always good for up to 80% off your order.

Free shipping on orders over matter hear in this episode as far promo. Thrive is always good as long [00:18:00] as my pillows sponsor the show for up to 80% off your order and free shipping.