Inside the Mind: Battling Negative Self-Talk with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

[00:00:00] Inside our minds, negative self talk can be like a hitting wrecking ball, breaking down confidence and stopping us from reaching our full potential. Before you tune me out because you think this is BS, the Naval Special Warfare Division actually has an entire course on this in their Warrior Toughness Program because negative self talk And a Navy SEAL could jeopardize himself, his team, or his mission.

Truthfully, some of you will be throwing hands if someone else talked to you, the way you talk to yourself in your head, but don't worry today, we're taking on this invisible enemy. We're going to utilize a little cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT and start getting our head right. So let's get into it.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential? Growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, [00:01:00] and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question. In this podcast, we'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast.

Today, we're diving into a common struggle, negative self talk. I've yet to meet a man who did not struggle with negative self talk. We kick our own asses far more than anyone else ever will. This is not to be confused with holding yourself accountable. Holding yourself accountable has value and is important.

No, we're talking about the overly critical, downright abusive trash talk we throw at ourselves for every little thing that we perceive as falling short in some way. This episode is more than just talking, though. It's about making a plan to change how we talk to ourselves. We'll explore what negative self talk is real quick, see how it affects our lives, and most importantly, Learn practical ways to rewire ourselves.

So it's [00:02:00] not a problem in our lives anymore, by the way, my name is Brent and welcome to the fallible man podcast. Your home for all things, man, big shout out to fallible our nation. That's our private community. And there's links for that down in the description. whatever platform you're on and a warm welcome to our first time listeners.

Hey, thanks for checking us out. I appreciate it. I know there's a lot out there fighting for your attention. So it means a lot that you took the time to tune in. Be sure to leave us a comment, a like, or a review. Reach out to us at the fallible man on most social medias. We'd love to hear what you think of our show because it matters to me.

I'd like to know. Thanks for checking us out. I hope you get something out of this. So the first step in handling your negative self talk is just understanding what it is because you can't fix something you don't understand. Negative self talk is the habit of criticizing yourself, focusing on perceived flaws.

and fostering a pessimistic view about yourself. It harms mental well being, it [00:03:00] contributes to your low self esteem, and hinders personal growth. Now, some family friendly versions of this include, I'm not good enough, I always mess things up, or, oh, that's just what I do, right? Assuming you're gonna get it wrong.

You hear it escape sometimes out of people's lips when they don't really mean they're not, if you listen to the words that are used, you start to hear it. Other times, you don't actually hear what's going on, but Can you imagine the storm of negativity going on in most men's heads? Because if you actually thought, stop, and are honest with yourself, you probably can relate to this.

Recognizing and challenging these thoughts is crucial, though, for cultivating a more positive mindset. Now, why do you care, right? If all guys struggle with this, why should you care? It's this simple. Negative self talk significantly affects your mood by fostering stress, anxiety, low self esteem. It contributes to feeling sadness and can lead to [00:04:00] depression, reducing motivation in your life, and impairing problem solving abilities.

It actually slows your brain down. Persistent self criticism may result in social withdrawal or physical health issues, actually. Okay? This problem can manifest physically. Negative self talk has substantial impact on your success. By eroding your confidence, diminishing your motivation, influencing your decision making, it fosters a fear of failure, and it leads to procrastination and avoidance of challenges because you might fail.

Performance is often hindered as negative thoughts become self fulfilling prophecies, right? Trying to avoid that, you actually kind of become that. Moreover, strained relationships and difficulty handling criticism, May arise from this constant self criticism. The reinforcing of limiting beliefs restricts personal and professional growth [00:05:00] all over.

Now you can take the quick version of that and go blah, blah, blah, blah. It really screws up your life. There's a bullet point for you. It really screws up your life guys. It's holding you back. And it's something I would wager 90 plus percent of men struggle with whether they want to admit it or not. Like I said, you can hear it escape in some of the terms people use.

Even if you think they've got it all down, you can hear it in the way they talk about themselves. So I told you guys a plan, right? That's, that's the point of today. So how do you stop negative self talk now stopping negative self talk involves recognizing challenging and changing those unhelpful thought patterns.

So here's a game plan to help you break the cycle of negative self talk. Let me. Say this before we get started. It's not a one and done. This is a long process. It takes a lot [00:06:00] of work, but I promise these five steps I'm going to share with you will actually help you start the process of breaking this negative self talk cycle that's sabotaging your life.

First things, practice self compassion, treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to your best friend and the people you love the most. When. If you wouldn't blast them when they struggle in a difficult situation, don't blast yourself. There's a difference, like I said, between holding yourself accountable for something and bashing yourself in negative self-talk.

So be mindful of your self-talk and replace the harsh criticism with some compassionate language for yourself 'cause you wouldn't bl your best friend for that. Got it. Start there. It's gonna be hard. It's one of the harder steps. The second one [00:07:00] is you have to be aware of it. So pay attention to your thoughts and identify when negative self talk occurs.

You can't change it without acknowledging it. So recognize the patterns that put you into that mindset and isolate the specific phrases that are your particular brand, particular brand of negative self talk. All of us have three or four phrases. If we struggle with negative self talk and I include myself in this slip out of our mouths on a regular basis or slip into our minds.

I've been caught by guests I've had on the show and they were like, Ooh, why did you use that phrase? Right? So isolate and recognize those specific phrases that you're using. So you are aware of it happening so you can do something about it. The third step is to challenge those negative thoughts. Once you start to isolate those specific phrases and recognize those patterns.

When you bring them up, when [00:08:00] you have them, when you say them question the validity of that negative thought, ask yourself, is there evidence and reliable data to support that crap that's coming out of your mouth or out of your head or in your head, as the case may be, or if you're just blasting out emotional and frustration, do you actually have the data to support the, what you are saying?

Cause I really doubt you do. I have a lot of faith in you. I think that you are probably an extraordinary person, whether you accept that about yourself or not. And I would wager that you blast yourself way, way, way harder than anybody should and way harder than you deserve. So give yourself some credit here, recognize those words and go, is there evidence to support what I'm saying?

Is there evidence to support the way I'm treating myself? Is there reliable data? That makes this valid, a valid reaction, or am I just [00:09:00] frustrated? Step four is to change the verbiage. Once you recognize those words and those phrases, and you start evaluating them, you need to replace the negative and limiting statements with a positive, growth related verbiage.

This is weird, I know, but it actually has a major impact. As you learn your particular phrases, like, I'm not good enough can become I'm growing into the person I want to be. Or let's, let's simplify it, right? Let's get real basic. I can't can become, I will with more effort takes more to say has a more intensive thought because as the quote goes, if you say you can't, you're right.

It's that self limiting belief. So start changing the words once you recognize them. [00:10:00] Be aware of those words, be aware of those phrases, be aware of what they are, challenge the validity of them, and start changing the verbiage coming out of your mouth. Because if it's coming out of your mouth, it's already going through your head and probably in your heart, and it's holding you back.

And you need to start reprogramming. Number five, we're getting into the science here, okay? So, this is scientifically proven to work to create new neural pathways. to help you deal with negative self talk. This is not Brent. You can look this up. And I have to preface that because y'all are going to go, this is stupid, Brent.

I know that was my reaction. Guess what? I was wrong. Repeat this to yourself 20 times every single morning. First thing, when you get out of bed. Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better. Repeat it 10 times every time you start to blast yourself with negative self talk. [00:11:00] Then again, before you go to bed.

Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better. Now, I know that sounds like a crock, guys, but it's not. I promise you, I'm not flapping something saying it's science, it's not actually science. Hopefully you know me better than that by now. This is legitimate, even if it sounds lame. Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better.

This literally starts to create new, positive neural pathways in your brain to help you change that verbiage and to help you get rid of the negative self talk. Breaking the habit of negative self talk takes time and practice. It's not going to be fast. It's going to be something you have to work at and work at and work at.

These five steps will help you have a plan of action for the moment in that moment. And it's something that you can apply today. [00:12:00] Consistency in applying these strategies can lead to a more positive and constructive mindset with practice. and consistency. I'm really hammering the word consistency. This is work guys, but it's work that's worth doing.

Some other strategies that you can help with this negative self, used to help with the negative self talk and that you can explore to get this monkey off your back on top of this five step process that we are talking about doing. That's an on the moment response. Okay. That's the process you want to attack right then as it's happening.

Mindfulness and meditation practices have been proven to help. focusing on being solution oriented instead of problem oriented, right? Pez, uh, be optimistic instead of pessimistic, basically surrounding yourself with a better circle of people who are going to call you out on this. And guys, we are not helping each other as men by not calling our friends on this bull crap.

Cause we do all the time in [00:13:00] conversations, we put ourselves down and our friends are just like, Oh, We go with it instead of going, stop talking about like that, right? It's stupid resist comparisons. Social media is really bad for fueling this, not egging social media, just egg social media. But a lot of times we get on social media and can we compare our lives to the 1 percent snapshots of somebody else's.

So resist comparison because that will absolutely fuel that negative self talk seeking professional help. If it is really bad. If you beat yourself up all the time, there's no shame in getting professional help. And they can actually work with you with what I was talking about earlier, which is

cognitive behavioral. If I say this right, I'm going to say it wrong. Cognitive behavioral therapy. Okay. We're practicing that with these five steps, but they can help you. It's been a very effective way to help [00:14:00] people get rid of that negative self talk or try developing your gratitude practice. You know, we're big fans of that here.

And I promise that actually helps you with this as well as dealing with negative self talk is crucial. For both personal and professional success by actively challenging negative thoughts and adopting a positive mindset, you can rebuild your confidence and your motivation. It's not only improved decision making and performance, but it also leads to healthier relationships and a better way of handling setbacks.

Overcoming limiting beliefs allows for continual personal and professional growth. By prioritizing self compassion, right? Treating yourself like your friend with, instead of like you do and using effective techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy and positive affirmations, like we talked about, I know sounding kind of lame.

But it works. Individuals set themselves on a path forward, empowering environment. Success isn't just about external achievements. It's about having [00:15:00] the right mindset that propels individuals towards their goals with determination and confidence. Guys, go back, listen to it again. If you need to write down the affirmation, I know it seems weird.

Maybe not making too big of a deal of it, but if I think it's weird, you probably will too. Every day in every way, I'm getting better and better. Try it out. Take it for a spin. What, what do you got to lose? Right? Be better tomorrow because what you do today, we'll see you on the next one. This has been the fellow man podcast.

You're home to everything, man, husband, and father, be sure to subscribe. So you don't miss a show head over to www. thefallibleman. com for more content and get your own fallible man gear. I'm not taking I ain't waiting and wishing I'm not taking