Dan Stillman: Positive Psychology Practitioner has a Different take on Masculinity!

1 00:00:00,540 --> 00:00:02,370 I want you to know that you're not alone. 2 00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:06,600 And if you're struggling right now and you have one foot in and one foot out, 3 00:00:07,310 --> 00:00:12,150 actually taking that other step to, to move forward, to get the help you need. 4 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:16,379 Understand that there's people that could, that are here to support you. 5 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,180 Brent has this wonderful show. 6 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,100 I'm here to help as well. 7 00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:22,710 There's so many you have support. 8 00:00:23,370 --> 00:00:26,978 Just don't be fearful and get yourself caught in this thing that you're 9 00:00:26,978 --> 00:00:28,358 afraid of what other people think. 10 00:00:29,153 --> 00:00:29,963 Because it's a myth. 11 00:00:30,053 --> 00:00:31,343 Nobody's thinking about you. 12 00:00:31,883 --> 00:00:33,473 Here's the million dollar question. 13 00:00:33,953 --> 00:00:37,643 How do men like us reach our full potential and grow into the men we 14 00:00:37,643 --> 00:00:41,783 dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, 15 00:00:41,963 --> 00:00:46,463 being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? 16 00:00:47,333 --> 00:00:48,983 That's the question in this podcast. 17 00:00:49,328 --> 00:00:50,618 We'll help you with those answers. 18 00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:53,858 My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 19 00:00:53,948 --> 00:00:56,078 Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast, your home for all 20 00:00:56,078 --> 00:00:57,428 things, man, husband, and father. 21 00:00:57,698 --> 00:00:58,958 Big shout out to Fallible Nation. 22 00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:02,138 You guys make these shows possible and a warm welcome to our first time listeners. 23 00:01:02,468 --> 00:01:05,738 My name is Brent, and today my special guest is Life Coach Dan Stillman. 24 00:01:06,188 --> 00:01:08,348 Dan, welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast. 25 00:01:09,308 --> 00:01:09,728 Hey, Brent. 26 00:01:09,728 --> 00:01:10,508 Thank you for having me. 27 00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:13,538 Now, Dan, I don't do big introductions. 28 00:01:13,538 --> 00:01:14,948 I don't know how many episodes you might have. 29 00:01:15,608 --> 00:01:19,778 But my first question is always, who is Dan Stillman in your own words? 30 00:01:21,728 --> 00:01:21,908 Well, 31 00:01:21,908 --> 00:01:27,824 Dan Stillman is somebody who has had some adversity in his life and has 32 00:01:28,294 --> 00:01:32,714 overcome that adversity to find his true passion of what he wants to do in life. 33 00:01:33,434 --> 00:01:40,154 And you know, through that I've developed a couple of brands that I'm trying to. 34 00:01:40,784 --> 00:01:44,924 Bring into fruition, into world, into the world to actually help men. 35 00:01:45,764 --> 00:01:51,932 And I, and I appreciate you providing this platform for me to discuss that 36 00:01:51,932 --> 00:01:57,422 and explain a little bit what I'm trying to create for men, specifically to help 37 00:01:57,422 --> 00:02:00,782 them grow emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and physically. 38 00:02:01,652 --> 00:02:04,592 Well, that's certainly something we can get behind here at the Fallible Man. 39 00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:08,822 So, you know, I'm grateful for you taking the time to be on today now. 40 00:02:09,707 --> 00:02:12,707 Tell us a little bit about, you've got two different sites. 41 00:02:12,707 --> 00:02:15,287 You've got Holistic, WellCare and Minga. 42 00:02:16,037 --> 00:02:16,877 I'm saying that wrong. 43 00:02:16,877 --> 00:02:17,897 You can correct me in a second. 44 00:02:18,407 --> 00:02:19,697 , are they two separate entities? 45 00:02:19,847 --> 00:02:23,177 Are they just one and one's an extension of the other? 46 00:02:24,977 --> 00:02:25,247 Yeah. 47 00:02:25,247 --> 00:02:28,817 So, you know, back in, lemme just give you a little bit of a backstory. 48 00:02:28,817 --> 00:02:35,207 So back in 2017, I was laid off from a job that I was at for 11 years. 49 00:02:35,234 --> 00:02:39,953 I've been in it for over 30 years and, you know, I kind of took a 50 00:02:39,962 --> 00:02:43,472 I just took a deep dive and said, what is my true passion in life? 51 00:02:43,472 --> 00:02:46,330 Like, what do I really wanna do with my life? 52 00:02:46,390 --> 00:02:50,501 And I think most people, you know, had that moment. 53 00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:53,801 And some of us act on it, and some of us don't, you know? 54 00:02:53,801 --> 00:02:56,151 And I was just like, okay. 55 00:02:56,151 --> 00:03:01,209 When I look back at my life, my life story, I said, you know, Obviously 56 00:03:01,209 --> 00:03:04,239 these things for me, I believe that things happen for a reason. 57 00:03:04,299 --> 00:03:09,660 So I was sitting on the couch and this word yoa, which is the word men, in 58 00:03:09,660 --> 00:03:15,500 between the word yoga, just popped up into my mind and I said, you know, Wow. 59 00:03:15,500 --> 00:03:16,670 I like doing yoga. 60 00:03:16,670 --> 00:03:18,440 It's really transformed my life. 61 00:03:18,650 --> 00:03:20,960 And more importantly, I learned about breathing. 62 00:03:21,230 --> 00:03:24,320 Like, cause I, I have an intense personality and you know, I 63 00:03:24,320 --> 00:03:25,850 tend to be a little anxious. 64 00:03:26,570 --> 00:03:29,480 And it was just something that really changed my life. 65 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:33,495 And during that time there was a lot of, Things in the news with 66 00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:37,755 like Matt Lauer and a bunch of other guys who were taken down. 67 00:03:37,935 --> 00:03:40,445 Cause he used the word toxic masculinity. 68 00:03:41,535 --> 00:03:46,305 And I said, what can I create that basically will help men grow 69 00:03:46,305 --> 00:03:49,065 emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually and physically? 70 00:03:49,070 --> 00:03:51,375 And I was like, I don't like that word toxic. 71 00:03:51,375 --> 00:03:53,955 Now I know there's a few bad apples out there. 72 00:03:54,465 --> 00:03:54,885 Right. 73 00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:57,567 But I don't think they became toxic. 74 00:03:57,567 --> 00:04:01,925 You know, like overnight I think we're the product of our environments, of how we're 75 00:04:01,925 --> 00:04:07,115 raised environmental factors, and I don't wanna be lumped under that word toxic 76 00:04:07,115 --> 00:04:08,915 cause I've done a lot of work on myself. 77 00:04:08,995 --> 00:04:09,485 I agree. 78 00:04:09,485 --> 00:04:10,895 I consider myself toxic. 79 00:04:11,495 --> 00:04:13,565 I consider myself uneducated. 80 00:04:14,375 --> 00:04:19,925 So I want to break this stereotype and create something, which yo 81 00:04:19,925 --> 00:04:21,875 manga is what it's all about. 82 00:04:22,580 --> 00:04:26,960 Is to change that word from toxic to uneducated. 83 00:04:27,650 --> 00:04:31,550 So I just dove deep and said, okay, this is what I'm gonna do. 84 00:04:31,555 --> 00:04:34,730 And I created a course called Get Real Deal and Heal. 85 00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:41,000 As a result of that, I needed more information, so I decided, I was 86 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:44,810 looking through the internet and I saw this thing, positive psychology, and I 87 00:04:44,810 --> 00:04:46,280 was like, what's positive psychology? 88 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:47,510 I never heard of positive Psych. 89 00:04:48,425 --> 00:04:50,375 And it's the study of human flourishing. 90 00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:52,535 Now people say, oh, you learn positive psychology. 91 00:04:52,535 --> 00:04:54,005 You walk around positive all the time. 92 00:04:54,005 --> 00:04:56,855 No, that's not what positive psychology is. 93 00:04:57,735 --> 00:05:02,405 Positive psychology is basically teaching you that you're human, you 94 00:05:02,405 --> 00:05:07,836 have emotions, and it's normal to have these emotions, and you learn such as. 95 00:05:08,030 --> 00:05:13,490 Such things such as self-regulation and growth versus fixed mindset and resilience 96 00:05:13,490 --> 00:05:19,490 skills, and a lot of concepts that people probably never heard about or never 97 00:05:19,490 --> 00:05:25,578 knew existed, and that, you know, we're supposed to have all these emotions. 98 00:05:25,578 --> 00:05:32,209 The key thing here is not to get stuck in the not so positive emotion, right? 99 00:05:32,209 --> 00:05:32,529 Mm-hmm. 100 00:05:32,609 --> 00:05:32,809 to. 101 00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,549 Developed these tools. 102 00:05:34,549 --> 00:05:38,299 So I created this course and I've been in therapy because of some 103 00:05:38,359 --> 00:05:42,739 abandonment issues I had to deal with and some like, you know, back in the 104 00:05:42,744 --> 00:05:45,529 seventies, considered spankings normal. 105 00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:48,799 Well, I got the crap kicked outta me and that could have a 106 00:05:48,799 --> 00:05:52,579 detrimental effect on you, you know, and it causes a lot of shame. 107 00:05:53,259 --> 00:06:00,004 So, The thing that you know, I'm trying, was trying to emphasize 108 00:06:00,004 --> 00:06:04,534 by creating the Get real deal in Heal course is that therapy could 109 00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:06,604 help you deal with trauma, right? 110 00:06:06,604 --> 00:06:10,354 All of us have some sort of trauma that happens in our lives, 111 00:06:10,984 --> 00:06:13,774 but if you don't deal with that trauma, you're gonna be stuck. 112 00:06:13,924 --> 00:06:15,844 But what happens after you deal with that trauma? 113 00:06:15,874 --> 00:06:17,254 Go to therapy, you get the help? 114 00:06:17,314 --> 00:06:18,274 What's the next step? 115 00:06:18,274 --> 00:06:21,394 They don't really tell you what you should do after. 116 00:06:22,024 --> 00:06:24,784 So people just don't have the tools of finding, okay, what 117 00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,914 about, what am I passionate about? 118 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:30,274 What are the things that I'm meant to do on this earth? 119 00:06:30,304 --> 00:06:35,074 What special gifts do I have that I am not allowing myself to 120 00:06:35,074 --> 00:06:39,951 basically you know, pursue where I could be my true, authentic self. 121 00:06:40,131 --> 00:06:41,811 Be vulnerable as a man. 122 00:06:42,171 --> 00:06:46,484 Break down that myth of toxic masculinity and how math, the myth 123 00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:48,584 of masculinity that mentioned cry. 124 00:06:48,589 --> 00:06:48,674 They. 125 00:06:49,514 --> 00:06:51,284 You know, communicate their feelings. 126 00:06:51,284 --> 00:06:54,104 They, you know, men are people pleasers. 127 00:06:54,104 --> 00:06:57,404 They have a hard time accepting a strong woman in their life 128 00:06:57,404 --> 00:06:58,634 because they feel intimidated. 129 00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:05,324 So, you know, this is the path that I was led down to create, you know, yo manga. 130 00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:07,632 And then that kind of stemming from there. 131 00:07:08,807 --> 00:07:13,067 I got into the holistic nutrition part of it because I had some stomach 132 00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:18,167 issues growing up, and so I became a certified integrated nutrition person, 133 00:07:18,167 --> 00:07:21,737 and then I became a yoga instructor and a transformational mindset. 134 00:07:22,337 --> 00:07:28,157 And I did this because I did wanna learn some things, obviously, but I also said 135 00:07:28,157 --> 00:07:32,627 if I'm creating a brand and I'm launching something and I'm offering these services 136 00:07:32,627 --> 00:07:37,097 to men, and I'm hiring subcontractors, I need to understand as a ceo. 137 00:07:37,727 --> 00:07:42,917 What exactly they do so I could be, you know, do the appropriate thing 138 00:07:42,917 --> 00:07:45,497 and get the right people to help men. 139 00:07:46,187 --> 00:07:48,937 So that was a long-winded answer, , but that, that's, 140 00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:50,771 well actually you killed two birds with one stone. 141 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,171 Cause my next question was, what is positive psychology? 142 00:07:53,621 --> 00:07:56,289 So, okay you got ahead of me there and manage to answer 143 00:07:56,289 --> 00:07:57,159 that one at the same time. 144 00:07:57,159 --> 00:07:57,849 So that works. 145 00:07:57,849 --> 00:08:01,489 Hey, that's, that was the next, cause I read that in your bio and. 146 00:08:01,585 --> 00:08:03,295 I don't have any idea what that is. 147 00:08:03,385 --> 00:08:04,495 I so, yeah. 148 00:08:04,533 --> 00:08:06,453 You went ahead and answered that, so that works out good. 149 00:08:06,513 --> 00:08:07,383 Don't worry about that. 150 00:08:07,593 --> 00:08:08,103 And you know what? 151 00:08:08,108 --> 00:08:08,343 Cool. 152 00:08:08,403 --> 00:08:10,636 You can't necessarily shortchange some answers. 153 00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:11,177 You just can't. 154 00:08:11,887 --> 00:08:15,118 Yeah I have a habit of sometimes overexplaining things, but I tell 155 00:08:15,123 --> 00:08:17,430 people all the time, it's like, no there's the answer and you either 156 00:08:17,655 --> 00:08:19,645 want to hear it or you don't. 157 00:08:19,645 --> 00:08:25,331 We have this microwave society where we all want the ten second answer or the. 158 00:08:25,831 --> 00:08:26,191 Right. 159 00:08:26,191 --> 00:08:27,361 This, the scroll. 160 00:08:28,201 --> 00:08:28,501 Yeah. 161 00:08:28,561 --> 00:08:29,221 World we live 162 00:08:29,221 --> 00:08:29,491 in. 163 00:08:30,331 --> 00:08:30,511 Yeah. 164 00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,031 We can't poo pull it, you know, it's like you're just, and 165 00:08:33,231 --> 00:08:34,081 you're just being yourself. 166 00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:38,641 Why would you wanna, you know, not give the true answer of how 167 00:08:38,641 --> 00:08:39,691 you're feeling in the moment. 168 00:08:40,051 --> 00:08:40,321 Right, 169 00:08:40,861 --> 00:08:41,461 exactly. 170 00:08:41,851 --> 00:08:42,631 So, Dan, yeah. 171 00:08:42,991 --> 00:08:46,561 I had to ask you if you could sit down and have a conversation with anyone 172 00:08:46,561 --> 00:08:47,921 in history, who would be and why? 173 00:08:48,421 --> 00:08:52,231 If anyone in history who passed away? 174 00:08:52,471 --> 00:08:53,161 Anyone already? 175 00:08:53,671 --> 00:08:54,241 Anyone. 176 00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:55,351 Anyone? 177 00:08:56,431 --> 00:08:58,121 Oh, that's an interesting question. 178 00:08:58,291 --> 00:09:00,649 I've who would I wanna sit down with? 179 00:09:02,589 --> 00:09:02,749 Hmm. 180 00:09:03,829 --> 00:09:07,197 I probably wanna sit down with who the creator of the universe, 181 00:09:08,197 --> 00:09:12,237 , because I probably have so many questions of why we're here and, 182 00:09:12,387 --> 00:09:14,587 you know, we're always striving for. 183 00:09:15,237 --> 00:09:20,457 You know, what is our true purpose and is there a meaning to all of this? 184 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:26,427 You know, some of us coast along and just never really take a look 185 00:09:26,432 --> 00:09:32,097 introspectively introspective of who we are as a individual. 186 00:09:32,937 --> 00:09:37,416 And you know, that's something that I want to know. 187 00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:43,576 And I'd wanna know why this whole thing was created, because, you 188 00:09:43,576 --> 00:09:47,326 know, sometimes I could say like I flip flop, is, are our lies like 189 00:09:47,326 --> 00:09:50,416 preordained or is there a purpose? 190 00:09:50,416 --> 00:09:54,766 You know, one of my favorite movies is Forrest Gump and there's a Pardon 191 00:09:54,766 --> 00:09:58,546 and Forrest Gump where he's speaking to Jenny at the grave and he's 192 00:09:58,546 --> 00:10:00,346 like saying, I wonder if our lies. 193 00:10:01,246 --> 00:10:06,136 Like a feather, we're just blowing on the wind and like things just happen or 194 00:10:06,136 --> 00:10:13,246 is there things happen for a reason and I've always kind of wonder, you know, 195 00:10:13,936 --> 00:10:16,366 what's our true purpose here in life? 196 00:10:16,756 --> 00:10:20,236 Now, I don't know if that's answers your question because that's not an 197 00:10:20,236 --> 00:10:24,266 actual individual, but , maybe it. 198 00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:25,216 You know, 199 00:10:25,876 --> 00:10:29,296 that's a that's a fair enough question, answer, right? 200 00:10:29,387 --> 00:10:30,052 I said anybody. 201 00:10:30,052 --> 00:10:31,544 So, but that's fair game, right? 202 00:10:31,584 --> 00:10:35,049 ? I think there are a lot of people who would echo that sentiment to be able to 203 00:10:35,049 --> 00:10:38,029 sit down with whoever created this, right? 204 00:10:38,049 --> 00:10:40,839 I'm a Christian, so I believe that's God, but I understand other people 205 00:10:40,839 --> 00:10:41,829 believe that's something else. 206 00:10:41,834 --> 00:10:45,605 And I have a long list even as a believer of, you know, what 207 00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,045 questions I would love to ask. 208 00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:50,480 So, yeah, I think is definitely fair. 209 00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:54,043 Now here's the softball answer question of the show. 210 00:10:54,313 --> 00:10:55,483 It trips up everybody. 211 00:10:56,773 --> 00:10:57,793 What's your favorite ice cream? 212 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:00,403 Vanilla. 213 00:11:01,063 --> 00:11:02,583 Vanilla, . Okay. 214 00:11:02,588 --> 00:11:03,013 Vanilla. 215 00:11:03,523 --> 00:11:04,153 Probably. 216 00:11:04,273 --> 00:11:05,083 Is it a particular 217 00:11:05,083 --> 00:11:05,503 vanilla? 218 00:11:06,283 --> 00:11:07,843 I actually like the Oreo. 219 00:11:08,593 --> 00:11:10,063 You know the Oreo vanilla? 220 00:11:10,123 --> 00:11:10,213 Mm-hmm. 221 00:11:10,453 --> 00:11:11,383 has the cookies in it. 222 00:11:11,503 --> 00:11:11,653 Yeah. 223 00:11:11,653 --> 00:11:12,313 Cookies and cream. 224 00:11:12,443 --> 00:11:13,043 There you go. 225 00:11:13,043 --> 00:11:13,483 There we go. 226 00:11:13,483 --> 00:11:15,643 That's my favorite ice right there. 227 00:11:17,323 --> 00:11:18,763 I love it, but it doesn't love me. 228 00:11:19,573 --> 00:11:20,323 . Oh yeah, 229 00:11:21,623 --> 00:11:22,443 The lactose. 230 00:11:22,693 --> 00:11:28,573 Oh, life is difficult, but you know as many lactose intolerant people as I know. 231 00:11:28,978 --> 00:11:30,358 They all still love ice cream. 232 00:11:30,898 --> 00:11:32,308 It's just one of those universal 233 00:11:32,308 --> 00:11:32,578 things. 234 00:11:32,878 --> 00:11:34,288 Just don't be around me for a few hours. 235 00:11:37,138 --> 00:11:37,798 . Fair enough. 236 00:11:37,948 --> 00:11:38,608 Fair enough. 237 00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:39,748 Yeah. 238 00:11:39,958 --> 00:11:45,178 So before we get into masculinity, cuz we're gonna go deeper into masculinity 239 00:11:45,183 --> 00:11:47,745 the second part of the show I was reading some of your blog articles before 240 00:11:47,745 --> 00:11:51,470 the show and trying to get a sense of you and where we would go with the. 241 00:11:52,425 --> 00:11:55,125 And I think what would be beneficial for our listeners, if you would explain 242 00:11:55,125 --> 00:11:59,124 what a thinking trap is, because I wasn't familiar with that term. 243 00:11:59,904 --> 00:11:59,994 Mm-hmm. 244 00:12:00,324 --> 00:12:04,531 and it's not the focus of today, but I think it just understanding that 245 00:12:04,531 --> 00:12:06,571 concept will benefit our listeners a 246 00:12:06,571 --> 00:12:06,841 lot. 247 00:12:07,951 --> 00:12:08,281 Yeah. 248 00:12:08,281 --> 00:12:10,502 Thinking Trap is just like one part of. 249 00:12:11,781 --> 00:12:13,351 Questioning your thoughts in real time. 250 00:12:13,351 --> 00:12:18,541 Like a thinking trap consists of like seven, six or seven different things. 251 00:12:18,541 --> 00:12:21,331 I don't have them all memorized, but I'll try. 252 00:12:21,721 --> 00:12:24,323 It's like overgeneralizing could be one. 253 00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:26,383 My reading could be another. 254 00:12:26,383 --> 00:12:29,082 Maximizing, minimizing, could be another. 255 00:12:29,322 --> 00:12:31,992 Externalizing, like pointing fingers at other people. 256 00:12:31,992 --> 00:12:33,702 You got three pointing back at you. 257 00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:38,502 Personalizing is another where you're actually beating yourself up for things. 258 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,740 You know, the mind reading one is where you're actually, you think you 259 00:12:41,740 --> 00:12:44,680 know what somebody else is thinking and you're not asking questions. 260 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:48,640 You, you know, overgeneralizing, it's like, oh, or just you're 261 00:12:48,645 --> 00:12:52,720 just, you just react without thinking or gathering the facts. 262 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:58,884 Maximizing could be like making like, something bigger than really what it is. 263 00:12:58,944 --> 00:12:59,844 Instead of gathering. 264 00:12:59,844 --> 00:13:04,179 The minimizing could be kind of, An example would be like you're 265 00:13:04,179 --> 00:13:07,539 minimizing someone's feelings you know, things like that. 266 00:13:07,809 --> 00:13:11,589 So we have a tendency we fall into like one of those categories. 267 00:13:11,589 --> 00:13:17,212 I know for me, mind reading is probably the hardest one for me because I think, 268 00:13:17,212 --> 00:13:21,502 I think I know what somebody's talking about and then I make up a story because, 269 00:13:21,502 --> 00:13:28,822 and all of those kinda fall into the same pattern that we are making up something. 270 00:13:29,527 --> 00:13:30,937 That has no validity. 271 00:13:31,807 --> 00:13:35,617 And you know, part of what I teach people is how to question 272 00:13:35,622 --> 00:13:38,677 your thoughts in real time, which is real-time resilience skills. 273 00:13:39,127 --> 00:13:43,357 And that's just one piece of identifying which thinking trap 274 00:13:43,687 --> 00:13:46,627 is actually causing that thought. 275 00:13:46,777 --> 00:13:50,977 Behind that, there's the belief, like what belief is that associated with? 276 00:13:50,977 --> 00:13:52,087 Like, I'm not good enough. 277 00:13:52,087 --> 00:13:52,977 What's wrong with me? 278 00:13:52,977 --> 00:13:53,697 I did something. 279 00:13:53,764 --> 00:13:57,742 And then it's basically the feeling, like what feeling is it generating? 280 00:13:58,192 --> 00:14:00,322 So there's really three components to it. 281 00:14:00,682 --> 00:14:02,542 And then you have to take your brain to court. 282 00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:06,892 Like once you've identified that thinking trap and the two other things, then you 283 00:14:06,892 --> 00:14:10,612 have to like, take your brain to court and like kind of say what's the evidence 284 00:14:10,612 --> 00:14:12,982 for and what's the evidence against. 285 00:14:13,477 --> 00:14:16,567 That thought, like what's the evidence for, and the evidence 286 00:14:16,572 --> 00:14:17,767 against that thinking trap. 287 00:14:17,772 --> 00:14:22,187 Like I'm thinking of somebody's, you know, I'm thinking something that 288 00:14:22,187 --> 00:14:25,727 somebody else is thinking that I made this up without gathering the facts. 289 00:14:25,727 --> 00:14:28,217 So I have to say, is that really true? 290 00:14:28,222 --> 00:14:29,927 What's the evidence for that thought? 291 00:14:29,927 --> 00:14:31,577 And it has to be fact based evidence. 292 00:14:32,177 --> 00:14:34,667 What's the evidence against what I'm thinking right now? 293 00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:36,737 And then you come up with a new belief. 294 00:14:36,737 --> 00:14:40,117 So it's just one part of how you could use, how you could 295 00:14:40,122 --> 00:14:41,417 become your cognitive based, the. 296 00:14:42,452 --> 00:14:46,982 In order to use realtime resilience skills to change your thinking and 297 00:14:46,982 --> 00:14:52,202 not get caught in some kinda crazy ass thought assumption that you've 298 00:14:52,202 --> 00:14:55,592 made up, which has no validity to anything, which only makes things worse. 299 00:14:56,102 --> 00:14:56,462 Okay. 300 00:14:57,602 --> 00:14:59,938 So that's something I'm definitely gonna have to do an episode 301 00:14:59,938 --> 00:15:01,388 and go deeper into For sure. 302 00:15:01,392 --> 00:15:02,112 Down the road. 303 00:15:02,112 --> 00:15:06,762 Cuz I, I think I was reading the blog article and it's like, I, okay. 304 00:15:06,762 --> 00:15:07,032 Yeah. 305 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:09,972 And that's some interesting con ideas and putting that together. 306 00:15:10,842 --> 00:15:11,502 Right, right. 307 00:15:11,652 --> 00:15:15,612 But so I just wanted to touch on it now, Dan, being in this 308 00:15:15,852 --> 00:15:17,832 realm of working with men, right? 309 00:15:18,402 --> 00:15:20,382 To set up the second half of the show, before we get into 310 00:15:20,382 --> 00:15:23,382 it, define masculinity, right? 311 00:15:23,382 --> 00:15:27,042 Because I work with a lot of guys who work in the men's realm, right? 312 00:15:27,042 --> 00:15:28,062 Mm-hmm. 313 00:15:28,068 --> 00:15:32,082 and I found that all of us have a few things that we go, yes, this 314 00:15:32,082 --> 00:15:35,532 is masculinity, and then everybody has a slightly different look. 315 00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:37,872 So we be, before we get into the truth about. 316 00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:40,917 Define masculinity from your standpoint. 317 00:15:43,137 --> 00:15:45,837 I look at masculinity as just a word. 318 00:15:45,954 --> 00:15:49,405 You know, you mentioned Brent, that you're Christian, you're religious. 319 00:15:49,405 --> 00:15:54,325 I look at femininity, the word femininity and the word masculinity as 320 00:15:54,925 --> 00:16:00,535 words that are used interchangeably, but when it underneath this 321 00:16:00,535 --> 00:16:05,275 skin, these bones and blood, you know, for me, we all have a soul. 322 00:16:06,265 --> 00:16:11,845 And, you know, masculinity and femininity transcend, you know, 323 00:16:11,845 --> 00:16:13,885 these feminine and masculine traits. 324 00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:20,125 So masculinity, to be, to define it in one word, would be the process of having 325 00:16:20,130 --> 00:16:26,695 vulnerability to understand that at your core, if you are vulnerable right, 326 00:16:27,085 --> 00:16:30,443 then you're able to accept who you are. 327 00:16:30,863 --> 00:16:37,118 You know, at your truest level and you walk around you know, knowing that 328 00:16:37,118 --> 00:16:39,608 you're being your true, authentic self. 329 00:16:40,268 --> 00:16:47,378 And that means being able to communicate your feelings, being able to express 330 00:16:47,383 --> 00:16:51,071 yourself in a way that is non-reactive. 331 00:16:51,140 --> 00:16:54,135 Being able to feel every emotion. 332 00:16:54,825 --> 00:17:00,085 And understand that you're human understanding that you're, you are human 333 00:17:00,085 --> 00:17:05,185 and that you're going to make mistakes and have the ability to forgive yourself, 334 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:10,165 and most importantly, love yourself of when you look in the mirror every 335 00:17:10,165 --> 00:17:15,565 day you are basically seeing somebody that you love and that you respect. 336 00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:20,685 And in turn, being and having that love for. 337 00:17:21,855 --> 00:17:27,645 Will translate into forgiving, loving, not judging other people as well. 338 00:17:27,945 --> 00:17:32,513 So that's my true definition of mask of we may have testosterone, we're 339 00:17:32,513 --> 00:17:38,183 stronger masculine wise, but that's the only difference in my opinion. 340 00:17:38,993 --> 00:17:39,173 Okay. 341 00:17:39,283 --> 00:17:41,963 You know, and we, we, you know, obviously. 342 00:17:42,833 --> 00:17:43,043 Yeah. 343 00:17:43,043 --> 00:17:43,253 Yeah. 344 00:17:43,943 --> 00:17:44,993 The other differences. 345 00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:46,243 Yeah. 346 00:17:46,553 --> 00:17:46,973 All right. 347 00:17:47,050 --> 00:17:49,317 I needed to give that in just for the groundwork, right? 348 00:17:49,317 --> 00:17:52,681 This will set us up into our ongoing conversation in 349 00:17:52,681 --> 00:17:53,761 the second half of the show. 350 00:17:54,061 --> 00:17:56,281 Guys, we've been getting to know Dan so far, and in the second 351 00:17:56,281 --> 00:17:59,321 half of the show, we're gonna dive into the truth about masculinity. 352 00:18:00,061 --> 00:18:02,521 We're gonna roll our sponsor and we'll be right back with more from Dan. 353 00:18:03,556 --> 00:18:04,786 How well do you sleep at night? 354 00:18:04,906 --> 00:18:07,516 Do you toss and turn and wake up more tired than when you went to bed? 355 00:18:08,026 --> 00:18:10,696 Sleep is commonly one of the critical elements people 356 00:18:10,696 --> 00:18:11,986 fall short on in their life. 357 00:18:12,316 --> 00:18:15,166 The quality of sleep you get directly affects your ability to control 358 00:18:15,166 --> 00:18:18,556 your weight, your ability to add muscle, your stress levels, and your 359 00:18:18,946 --> 00:18:20,266 everyday job and life performance. 360 00:18:20,896 --> 00:18:23,206 If you're ready to move to the next level, then sleep. 361 00:18:23,731 --> 00:18:24,811 Has to be part of the plan. 362 00:18:25,441 --> 00:18:28,621 Check out our forensic ghost bed.com if you're ready to get your best sleep. 363 00:18:28,711 --> 00:18:29,611 I love my ghost bed. 364 00:18:29,611 --> 00:18:32,311 I've been sleeping on one for a couple years and has made a 365 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:33,931 huge difference in how I sleep. 366 00:18:34,231 --> 00:18:38,041 Hit ghost bed.com and use the code, the Fallible Man 30 to get 30% 367 00:18:38,046 --> 00:18:41,341 off your order and start getting better night's Sleep tomorrow. 368 00:18:42,301 --> 00:18:44,281 Now let's go on to the show. 369 00:18:45,241 --> 00:18:47,431 All right, guys, we're back and we're here with Dan Stillman 370 00:18:47,431 --> 00:18:49,631 discussing the truth about muscular. 371 00:18:50,236 --> 00:18:51,856 Now Dan, here's this. 372 00:18:51,856 --> 00:18:53,619 This one may cause a little headache. 373 00:18:53,919 --> 00:18:58,254 What is the purchase of a hundred dollars or less that you made in the last year 374 00:18:58,389 --> 00:18:59,709 that was the best purchase you made? 375 00:19:00,759 --> 00:19:02,619 Like this had the biggest impact on your life? 376 00:19:04,029 --> 00:19:04,239 Hmm. 377 00:19:06,009 --> 00:19:07,713 What has been the probably. 378 00:19:09,518 --> 00:19:17,108 Re rejoining my gym membership is probably the best thing because, you know, for me, 379 00:19:17,113 --> 00:19:18,908 I've been working out my whole life and. 380 00:19:19,868 --> 00:19:24,518 You know, it really keeps me grounded and having that, the ability to 381 00:19:24,523 --> 00:19:29,278 go to you know, a gym and work out, it just keeps me grounded. 382 00:19:29,548 --> 00:19:33,418 And I think, you know, everybody should, you know, if you don't have an 383 00:19:33,418 --> 00:19:36,328 exercise program, just give it a try. 384 00:19:36,538 --> 00:19:38,638 Even if it's a walk, it does wonders. 385 00:19:38,638 --> 00:19:39,898 They result our immediate 386 00:19:41,298 --> 00:19:42,148 . I, I get it. 387 00:19:42,195 --> 00:19:43,305 I love my gym time. 388 00:19:43,845 --> 00:19:47,115 I've been actually neglecting my gym time the last couple months trying 389 00:19:47,115 --> 00:19:49,605 to, Really buckle down on my show. 390 00:19:49,875 --> 00:19:50,925 It's like, oh, I missed 391 00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:51,555 my gym. 392 00:19:52,215 --> 00:19:53,235 Self-care, man. 393 00:19:53,235 --> 00:19:53,865 Self-care. 394 00:19:53,865 --> 00:19:54,195 You gotta 395 00:19:54,195 --> 00:19:54,975 bake it in, right? 396 00:19:54,975 --> 00:19:56,895 It's the first thing we, it's the first thing is men, we 397 00:19:56,895 --> 00:19:57,885 tend to toss out the windows. 398 00:19:57,885 --> 00:19:59,115 It's the self-care stuff. 399 00:19:59,805 --> 00:19:59,865 Yeah. 400 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,245 While we're trying to fix everything else. 401 00:20:01,245 --> 00:20:02,055 So yeah. 402 00:20:02,055 --> 00:20:03,765 I've been really guilty of that last couple months. 403 00:20:03,770 --> 00:20:04,755 I gotta get back in the gym. 404 00:20:06,075 --> 00:20:06,945 No, you look good man. 405 00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,385 Thank you's. 406 00:20:09,385 --> 00:20:11,835 Cause you can see from here up, man, you know you don't see the belly from sitting 407 00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,395 around too much behind a computer desk. 408 00:20:15,765 --> 00:20:16,125 Gotcha. 409 00:20:16,485 --> 00:20:20,985 So, We wanted to talk about what the truth of masculinity, and you kind of 410 00:20:20,985 --> 00:20:25,695 set the ground before we went to the break on how you define masculinity. 411 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:29,415 So what is the truth of masculinity? 412 00:20:32,055 --> 00:20:36,135 You know, I did, I have a webinar that I do about called The Truth 413 00:20:36,165 --> 00:20:40,906 About Masculinity, and what I do is break down And it's really 414 00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:43,216 good for women to see it as well. 415 00:20:43,216 --> 00:20:47,854 Like I invite women to see it because I think men have a a vision 416 00:20:47,854 --> 00:20:50,929 that we're better than what we are. 417 00:20:51,319 --> 00:20:54,979 And you know, and there's different types of men. 418 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:59,871 And listen, this all stems from what I mentioned earlier, is how we're 419 00:20:59,871 --> 00:21:02,661 brought up the messages we were given. 420 00:21:03,516 --> 00:21:07,536 You know, most of us, our parents aren't educated on how 421 00:21:07,536 --> 00:21:09,096 to teach us how to be vulnerable. 422 00:21:09,096 --> 00:21:09,336 Right? 423 00:21:09,336 --> 00:21:13,656 I talked a little bit about the vulnerability piece and understanding of 424 00:21:13,665 --> 00:21:17,737 about, you know, trying to be introduced to the higher self you never knew 425 00:21:17,737 --> 00:21:20,037 existed, which therefore will help you. 426 00:21:20,962 --> 00:21:24,498 Walk around, you know, being your true, authentic self. 427 00:21:25,338 --> 00:21:28,698 So, you know, we have men who are like homophobic. 428 00:21:28,698 --> 00:21:31,428 We have men who are just, you know, power driven. 429 00:21:31,428 --> 00:21:34,608 We have men who are, you know, shy. 430 00:21:34,608 --> 00:21:37,758 We have, there's so many different characteristics of men. 431 00:21:37,758 --> 00:21:41,628 But you know, what I try to teach and try to emphasize is that we wanna 432 00:21:41,628 --> 00:21:44,118 make emotionally intelligent, Right. 433 00:21:44,118 --> 00:21:48,528 We want people, men to be able to be vulnerable. 434 00:21:48,528 --> 00:21:54,969 And in that webinar, you know, I specifically show things that are, 435 00:21:55,629 --> 00:22:03,939 that will show statistically how men are not, are not superior to women. 436 00:22:04,379 --> 00:22:04,869 Okay. 437 00:22:05,594 --> 00:22:08,884 I think we have some type of stereotype in this world. 438 00:22:08,887 --> 00:22:14,342 And we talked about in the beginning about toxic masculinity and how men 439 00:22:14,342 --> 00:22:19,082 have imposed their will on women and it, and we have a society. 440 00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:24,452 We talked about equal pay, and we talked about these things that should be equal. 441 00:22:24,452 --> 00:22:29,252 And I wholeheartedly support that because the statistics that I do show 442 00:22:29,252 --> 00:22:31,982 in my PowerPoint show that women. 443 00:22:32,582 --> 00:22:37,172 Are statistically smarter than men that they are. 444 00:22:37,210 --> 00:22:41,068 You know, they have more businesses, own more businesses than men. 445 00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:44,848 And, you know, we have the Me Too movement, which I think is great. 446 00:22:44,968 --> 00:22:50,035 You know, that that women are doing very well for themselves. 447 00:22:50,095 --> 00:22:55,405 And the point that I'm trying to make is, With advancements in science these 448 00:22:55,405 --> 00:23:00,475 days and women who are or can have the ability to freeze their eggs and 449 00:23:00,865 --> 00:23:04,555 they don't have to have children right away, and they can have children later. 450 00:23:04,555 --> 00:23:10,405 And what I'm really trying to emphasize is that if men don't pull their act 451 00:23:10,405 --> 00:23:15,295 together and become more emotionally intelligent, that they're going to be left 452 00:23:15,295 --> 00:23:19,045 behind and men need to really understand. 453 00:23:20,185 --> 00:23:23,995 You know, they need to learn certain skills, such as what 454 00:23:23,995 --> 00:23:25,225 I had mentioned earlier. 455 00:23:25,225 --> 00:23:29,335 What I had learned in a relationship is that I shouldn't feel 456 00:23:29,335 --> 00:23:31,885 intimidated by a very strong woman. 457 00:23:32,125 --> 00:23:35,214 And that you know, I should look at that as like, women are 458 00:23:35,219 --> 00:23:37,614 instinct, instinctively nurturers. 459 00:23:37,674 --> 00:23:42,144 You know, we have this tendency to think that, oh, if a woman stays home with 460 00:23:42,144 --> 00:23:44,394 the arrangement that they made with their husband, they take care of their. 461 00:23:45,414 --> 00:23:49,914 That basically they just are nurturers to their children, but men 462 00:23:50,484 --> 00:23:55,764 weren't given the playbook of how to communicate their wants and needs. 463 00:23:55,769 --> 00:24:01,224 And just to give you an example, you know, a woman wants to show her appreciation 464 00:24:01,224 --> 00:24:04,794 like the end of the week and say, Hey honey, you know, thank you for all the 465 00:24:04,794 --> 00:24:06,324 hard work you're doing and this and that. 466 00:24:06,324 --> 00:24:08,424 This is an example of a woman taking care of the kids. 467 00:24:08,424 --> 00:24:12,058 And then the husband comes home and she asks, what would you like to do this week? 468 00:24:12,058 --> 00:24:13,498 He says, oh, whatever you want, honey. 469 00:24:15,223 --> 00:24:16,033 Wrong answer. 470 00:24:16,333 --> 00:24:16,753 Right. 471 00:24:16,753 --> 00:24:18,403 That's not what she was asking. 472 00:24:18,403 --> 00:24:21,643 She was trying to show appreciation, right. 473 00:24:21,643 --> 00:24:23,413 For the hard work that he does. 474 00:24:23,413 --> 00:24:25,093 And he just doesn't get it. 475 00:24:25,093 --> 00:24:27,823 And it's not cause he's, you know, toxic. 476 00:24:28,213 --> 00:24:28,573 Right. 477 00:24:28,783 --> 00:24:30,223 It's because he's uneducated. 478 00:24:30,883 --> 00:24:31,273 Right. 479 00:24:31,753 --> 00:24:38,203 So the definition of, you know, masculinity for me is just being 480 00:24:38,233 --> 00:24:43,933 able to teach men and give them the playbook on how not to be a people. 481 00:24:45,058 --> 00:24:51,368 How to be vulnerable, how to communicate their wants in me, how to 482 00:24:51,373 --> 00:24:53,848 paraphrase, how to communicate properly. 483 00:24:53,853 --> 00:24:56,103 Like all these things are very important. 484 00:24:56,853 --> 00:25:00,903 And you know, it's just something that needs to be taught. 485 00:25:02,343 --> 00:25:03,379 That's it in a nutshell. 486 00:25:03,879 --> 00:25:05,790 Dan would you consider yourself a feminist? 487 00:25:08,235 --> 00:25:11,265 I don't, you know, I don't even know what the definition, true 488 00:25:11,265 --> 00:25:14,375 definition of a feminist that is 489 00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:14,955 Absolutely fair. 490 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,065 Is that is absolutely fair. 491 00:25:16,065 --> 00:25:17,745 And I'm not trying to be derogatory in that way. 492 00:25:18,465 --> 00:25:18,885 Yeah. 493 00:25:18,890 --> 00:25:20,085 I don't even know. 494 00:25:20,085 --> 00:25:24,735 It's like I just, again, for me it's all about kindness. 495 00:25:24,735 --> 00:25:30,037 Like I wrote the, when I was 22, I wrote I had to deal with adversity like I. 496 00:25:30,907 --> 00:25:33,787 You know, like I had to take kick go to therapy and deal 497 00:25:33,787 --> 00:25:34,717 with what I had to deal with. 498 00:25:34,807 --> 00:25:36,337 Cause I felt lost as a man. 499 00:25:36,877 --> 00:25:38,437 Like I look at myself in the mirror. 500 00:25:38,497 --> 00:25:40,207 I knew that there was something wrong with me. 501 00:25:40,207 --> 00:25:43,087 I tell myself, Dan, you're capable of so much more. 502 00:25:44,017 --> 00:25:45,997 But I had like a low self-esteem. 503 00:25:45,997 --> 00:25:46,897 I felt lost. 504 00:25:46,897 --> 00:25:47,737 I felt sad. 505 00:25:47,737 --> 00:25:48,607 I felt angry. 506 00:25:48,612 --> 00:25:49,147 I felt like. 507 00:25:49,747 --> 00:25:52,927 Like, like I would think about suicide. 508 00:25:52,927 --> 00:25:55,567 Like I've thought about it, but then at that particular time, 509 00:25:55,567 --> 00:25:57,007 I believe that you go to hell. 510 00:25:57,247 --> 00:25:58,927 Like if you did that, you go to hell. 511 00:25:59,347 --> 00:26:00,637 Like you didn't wanna do that. 512 00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:01,357 That's bad. 513 00:26:01,357 --> 00:26:03,217 Like my view of religion has changed. 514 00:26:03,847 --> 00:26:08,497 But I, you know, I would, I wasn't myself, I was like lost and I would try 515 00:26:08,497 --> 00:26:13,717 to boost my ego or be somebody I wasn't because I wanted people to like me. 516 00:26:13,897 --> 00:26:17,257 Like I was so worried about what people thought about. 517 00:26:17,947 --> 00:26:21,277 Especially other men that I couldn't be myself. 518 00:26:22,297 --> 00:26:26,287 So I wrote these things like called the Nine Ingredients of Love and their 519 00:26:26,287 --> 00:26:30,307 sincerity, courtesy on selfishness, patience, tolerance, humility, good 520 00:26:30,307 --> 00:26:32,557 temper, generosity, and being godless. 521 00:26:33,427 --> 00:26:36,427 And I hung them on my refrigerator as part of my recovery. 522 00:26:36,432 --> 00:26:37,987 And I read them morning and night. 523 00:26:38,647 --> 00:26:42,517 And really what it all boils down to is kindness, right? 524 00:26:42,577 --> 00:26:45,457 We just wanna be kind, you know? 525 00:26:45,807 --> 00:26:50,149 So, You know, your question was you know, it just, for me, it just pertains the 526 00:26:50,149 --> 00:26:55,189 kindness when it comes to, regardless if you're a man or a woman, I don't really 527 00:26:56,149 --> 00:26:59,329 kinda look at the whole feminine thing. 528 00:26:59,599 --> 00:27:03,379 I respect everybody's rights because one of those nine ingredients is tolerance. 529 00:27:03,829 --> 00:27:04,009 So, 530 00:27:05,009 --> 00:27:05,499 okay. 531 00:27:05,499 --> 00:27:08,089 Well, like I said, I didn't mean that as a derogatory comment. 532 00:27:08,909 --> 00:27:09,259 No. 533 00:27:10,159 --> 00:27:13,699 I was listening to the explanation and I just was hearing. 534 00:27:14,629 --> 00:27:19,166 Feminist argument points, whether they're and let me be very clear, there 535 00:27:19,166 --> 00:27:25,046 are feminists who go way too far, and feminists who are perfectly reasonable, 536 00:27:25,046 --> 00:27:29,486 just like there are men who go way too far, and men who are perfectly 537 00:27:29,486 --> 00:27:31,286 reasonable in their conversations. 538 00:27:32,111 --> 00:27:32,951 Oh, absolutely. 539 00:27:32,951 --> 00:27:39,341 And I agree with you 150%, you know, and there's women who, you know, I hope are 540 00:27:39,341 --> 00:27:43,511 doing, there aren't many women, cause I know people who are doing the same thing 541 00:27:43,511 --> 00:27:45,432 that I'm doing for their female, mm-hmm. 542 00:27:45,672 --> 00:27:51,762 friends as well, because again, I'm focusing strictly on, we're 543 00:27:51,762 --> 00:27:54,672 talking about the masculine part of it and how we weren't given the 544 00:27:54,672 --> 00:27:56,832 playbook for a man how to be a man. 545 00:27:56,892 --> 00:28:00,942 Well, you know, it almost, it falls across the same thing for women 546 00:28:00,942 --> 00:28:04,782 as well, like, you know, we're all products of how we were raised 547 00:28:04,782 --> 00:28:06,432 and the police that we developed. 548 00:28:06,972 --> 00:28:08,352 So, you know, trauma. 549 00:28:09,637 --> 00:28:14,715 doesn't discriminate , but you know, my mission is to try and help men. 550 00:28:14,715 --> 00:28:21,111 And, you know, and statistically it shows that women are able 551 00:28:21,111 --> 00:28:25,761 to express their feelings much better, you know, than men can. 552 00:28:26,751 --> 00:28:31,761 So the point I'm trying to make is that, you know, we have this stereotype that. 553 00:28:32,901 --> 00:28:35,811 You know, shouldn't express their feelings. 554 00:28:35,811 --> 00:28:41,341 They shouldn't communicate, and we have this ego or this stereotype 555 00:28:41,341 --> 00:28:44,851 that we have that we're stronger and we have to put on this persona. 556 00:28:45,931 --> 00:28:50,341 And all that does is just make a relationship worse because 557 00:28:50,341 --> 00:28:52,261 we weren't given the playbook. 558 00:28:52,291 --> 00:28:55,201 For me, when it all boils down to, and it's for both parts. 559 00:28:55,591 --> 00:28:55,831 Mm-hmm. 560 00:28:56,076 --> 00:29:00,301 , communication, communication, expressing what we truly. 561 00:29:01,291 --> 00:29:03,301 What we want and what we need. 562 00:29:04,081 --> 00:29:04,381 Okay. 563 00:29:04,381 --> 00:29:10,111 So what I'm hearing is a lot of, a lot of where you're coming from and 564 00:29:10,951 --> 00:29:13,668 what you're trying to teach men as they through your coaching program 565 00:29:13,668 --> 00:29:18,485 and your masterminds and stuff like that, is better communication skills 566 00:29:19,265 --> 00:29:22,595 with women and other men in general. 567 00:29:23,930 --> 00:29:25,430 It's just anybody in general. 568 00:29:25,430 --> 00:29:28,250 It does, you know, it's just learning how to come, like for instance, 569 00:29:28,250 --> 00:29:29,660 we're having a conversation. 570 00:29:29,665 --> 00:29:30,250 Mm-hmm. 571 00:29:30,330 --> 00:29:33,950 , and I could say to you, if we got into like a serious discussion, I could 572 00:29:33,955 --> 00:29:37,850 be like, I could paraphrase and be like, this is what I heard you say. 573 00:29:38,180 --> 00:29:43,160 I heard you say to me that you're feeling this way because I want you 574 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,020 to feel as if you've been heard. 575 00:29:45,290 --> 00:29:48,320 I'm not minimizing, I'm not trivializing your feelings. 576 00:29:48,490 --> 00:29:48,980 I'm not getting. 577 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,150 Right, because once you get defensive, then you're caught up in some 578 00:29:53,150 --> 00:29:54,710 belief that I did something wrong. 579 00:29:55,490 --> 00:29:58,610 But there's no winners or there's no like lose. 580 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:00,710 You don't wanna be in a lose lose situation. 581 00:30:00,715 --> 00:30:02,690 You wanna be in a win-win situation. 582 00:30:03,020 --> 00:30:06,980 And it's about compromise and about having a conversation with somebody 583 00:30:06,980 --> 00:30:10,850 where you both come to a common ground doesn't mean that you're gonna, that 584 00:30:11,130 --> 00:30:13,290 there isn't any agree to disagree. 585 00:30:13,290 --> 00:30:13,890 Mm-hmm. 586 00:30:13,975 --> 00:30:16,370 , because people have different thoughts and feelings. 587 00:30:17,330 --> 00:30:21,740 But you don't treat that other person poorly or judge them because they 588 00:30:21,740 --> 00:30:26,375 have a different opinion than you do, which we see right now in our country. 589 00:30:26,645 --> 00:30:28,955 We can all use a little more of that, right? 590 00:30:28,955 --> 00:30:30,485 We need more of that. 591 00:30:30,635 --> 00:30:34,955 And unfortunately, it's a skill that needs to be taught, but 592 00:30:35,375 --> 00:30:36,986 we're not taught how to do that. 593 00:30:37,865 --> 00:30:38,435 We're not taught 594 00:30:39,815 --> 00:30:41,225 guys getting something out of this. 595 00:30:41,345 --> 00:30:44,585 Be sure and hit that like button if you're on YouTube. 596 00:30:45,575 --> 00:30:48,305 Leave us a comment on whatever platform you're on. 597 00:30:48,485 --> 00:30:51,935 Give us a review on Apple Podcast and a rating, guys, that helps us 598 00:30:52,385 --> 00:30:55,715 continue to bring you these episodes and put on the best show we can for 599 00:30:55,715 --> 00:31:00,425 you, Dan, what's the first three steps our listeners can implement 600 00:31:00,425 --> 00:31:02,405 right now to start on this journey? 601 00:31:05,035 --> 00:31:09,695 To start on the journey of becoming more communicative? 602 00:31:09,756 --> 00:31:14,989 I think the first step is to really sit back and do an inventory of 603 00:31:14,989 --> 00:31:19,009 yourself and see where you are at this point in your life, right? 604 00:31:19,009 --> 00:31:24,199 If there's something that is holding you back, like if you have a trauma 605 00:31:25,129 --> 00:31:30,582 that is causing you to not pursue something that you wanna pursue 606 00:31:30,587 --> 00:31:33,102 because of outta fear, right? 607 00:31:34,092 --> 00:31:39,402 Or if you don't have a trauma, but you just, just have a fear of like 608 00:31:40,122 --> 00:31:44,562 fear of the unknown, which is a myth, we, we made up that, that that myth 609 00:31:45,162 --> 00:31:46,962 and you're afraid to take a risk. 610 00:31:48,102 --> 00:31:53,262 You need to like sit back and contemplate why, and it's okay. 611 00:31:53,262 --> 00:31:56,922 To add, the second step would be to ask for help, to get an 612 00:31:56,922 --> 00:32:01,782 accountability partner to help you figure out what's going on in your. 613 00:32:02,907 --> 00:32:07,647 And what you need to do in order to achieve maybe some of the goals that 614 00:32:07,647 --> 00:32:11,367 you want to achieve, whether that's just becoming more introspective, 615 00:32:11,787 --> 00:32:13,587 get becoming more vulnerable. 616 00:32:14,007 --> 00:32:18,253 It could be getting a better career working on your relationship with 617 00:32:18,258 --> 00:32:21,423 your kids or your significant other, whatever it is. 618 00:32:21,703 --> 00:32:25,453 And then the third thing I would say is execution. 619 00:32:26,143 --> 00:32:29,083 Execution, and B, meaning building a tool. 620 00:32:30,253 --> 00:32:37,633 Of tools that you could use to help you when adversity strikes, like being able 621 00:32:37,633 --> 00:32:40,483 to understand what deliberate practice is. 622 00:32:41,053 --> 00:32:42,973 Deliberate practice is something that. 623 00:32:43,048 --> 00:32:45,928 You know, I like to say practice makes perfect, but deliberate 624 00:32:46,378 --> 00:32:47,158 practice makes you a legend. 625 00:32:47,698 --> 00:32:51,598 Deliberate practice is something that you can implement that will help you 626 00:32:52,108 --> 00:32:57,928 understand how your brain works and, you know, be able to, like I said, 627 00:32:58,198 --> 00:33:00,238 learn how to question your thoughts. 628 00:33:00,243 --> 00:33:01,348 I mentioned it earlier. 629 00:33:01,378 --> 00:33:07,468 Become your own cognitive-based therapist and identify the triggers that cause you 630 00:33:07,468 --> 00:33:09,568 to maybe spiral down the rabbit hole. 631 00:33:10,258 --> 00:33:14,968 But, you know, develop those tools that'll help you realize that 632 00:33:14,968 --> 00:33:18,568 you're doing that, so you could get yourself out it very quickly and 633 00:33:18,568 --> 00:33:20,518 bounce back from diversity quickly. 634 00:33:20,758 --> 00:33:22,398 So those would be the three things, Brent. 635 00:33:22,688 --> 00:33:23,178 Okay. 636 00:33:23,698 --> 00:33:24,748 What's next for Dan? 637 00:33:26,953 --> 00:33:32,923 Well, for me right now, I'm in the process of raising capital for Yoa to launch that. 638 00:33:32,923 --> 00:33:34,353 I'm currently doing that. 639 00:33:34,843 --> 00:33:40,022 Besides that, I am doing my coaching as well@holisticwellcare.coach. 640 00:33:40,172 --> 00:33:43,982 Go to that website, and I'm also raising funds for holistic 641 00:33:43,982 --> 00:33:45,692 welfare advisors as well. 642 00:33:45,692 --> 00:33:47,102 So that's what's next. 643 00:33:47,162 --> 00:33:48,332 That's what's next for me. 644 00:33:48,992 --> 00:33:49,352 All right. 645 00:33:49,722 --> 00:33:50,242 Business, business. 646 00:33:51,387 --> 00:33:51,547 Business. 647 00:33:51,787 --> 00:33:51,947 Business. 648 00:33:52,187 --> 00:33:52,308 Business, yeah. 649 00:33:53,657 --> 00:33:55,037 . Until you run your own business. 650 00:33:55,037 --> 00:33:55,247 Right? 651 00:33:55,247 --> 00:33:59,507 You, you don't realize that that's just the order of life. 652 00:34:00,482 --> 00:34:03,512 Yeah, but it's also doing self-care too, right? 653 00:34:03,512 --> 00:34:05,762 Like I really try and pay attention to have a balance. 654 00:34:05,762 --> 00:34:08,532 Cause I have kids, you know, I have an 18 year olds in college. 655 00:34:08,532 --> 00:34:13,112 I have a 16 year old who's, you know, with me every other weekend, every Monday. 656 00:34:13,292 --> 00:34:13,412 Mm-hmm. 657 00:34:13,657 --> 00:34:14,642 , I'm in a dart league. 658 00:34:14,642 --> 00:34:15,392 I play darts. 659 00:34:15,392 --> 00:34:20,042 So I do, I take the time for self-care because for me you 660 00:34:20,042 --> 00:34:22,922 had mentioned print, like, you know, you don't have enough time. 661 00:34:23,042 --> 00:34:24,482 I look at it a little differently. 662 00:34:24,482 --> 00:34:26,792 I just say, how do I wanna manage my energy? 663 00:34:27,482 --> 00:34:28,742 It's not about time. 664 00:34:28,747 --> 00:34:29,152 It's. 665 00:34:29,732 --> 00:34:31,262 I wanna manage energy. 666 00:34:31,582 --> 00:34:36,782 You know, if I can't manage my energy, then the time has nothing to do with it. 667 00:34:36,782 --> 00:34:37,682 It's about timing. 668 00:34:38,132 --> 00:34:40,202 So I really try and manage my energy. 669 00:34:40,472 --> 00:34:40,962 Okay. 670 00:34:42,002 --> 00:34:44,072 And what is the biggest takeaway you want someone to take 671 00:34:44,072 --> 00:34:45,272 away from this podcast today? 672 00:34:45,542 --> 00:34:48,872 Like if there's just one big point, what do you want somebody to hear? 673 00:34:51,062 --> 00:34:52,862 I want you to know that you're not alone. 674 00:34:52,862 --> 00:34:57,122 And if you're struggling right now and you have one foot in and one foot out, 675 00:34:58,217 --> 00:35:02,657 Taking that other step to, to move forward, to get the help you need. 676 00:35:03,407 --> 00:35:06,857 Understand that there's people that could, that are here to support you. 677 00:35:07,037 --> 00:35:08,657 Brent has this wonderful show. 678 00:35:09,107 --> 00:35:10,607 I'm here to help as well. 679 00:35:10,607 --> 00:35:11,657 There's so many. 680 00:35:11,657 --> 00:35:13,217 You have support. 681 00:35:13,847 --> 00:35:17,822 Just don't be fearful and get yourself caught in this thing that you're afraid 682 00:35:17,822 --> 00:35:21,692 of what other people think of you, because it's a myth nobody's thinking about. 683 00:35:22,302 --> 00:35:26,702 You know, , you just need to get in your own head and realize you are 684 00:35:26,702 --> 00:35:31,712 the most important person and realize that you could live a forcing life and 685 00:35:32,042 --> 00:35:36,092 realize that once you are introduced to your higher self that you never 686 00:35:36,097 --> 00:35:40,162 knew existed, your life is gonna change and then you'll pay it forward. 687 00:35:40,662 --> 00:35:42,302 You know, that's what it's all about. 688 00:35:42,302 --> 00:35:42,632 Pay 689 00:35:42,632 --> 00:35:46,262 forward damn worst, best P place for people to. 690 00:35:48,092 --> 00:35:48,632 Well, I have three 691 00:35:48,632 --> 00:35:51,456 website to check out www.yoa.com. 692 00:35:51,456 --> 00:35:55,653 And for investors, if you're interested in you know, investing in Yo Omega, go there. 693 00:35:55,983 --> 00:36:01,503 Holistic WellCare Advisors, spelled with an e advisors.com is another one. 694 00:36:01,953 --> 00:36:04,563 And then if you're interested in a free course, I might 695 00:36:04,563 --> 00:36:05,973 get Real Deal on Hill Course. 696 00:36:05,973 --> 00:36:08,073 It's free, it's an online course. 697 00:36:08,073 --> 00:36:09,453 74 lessons. 698 00:36:09,453 --> 00:36:10,713 Seven modules. 699 00:36:11,328 --> 00:36:12,108 Check it out. 700 00:36:12,168 --> 00:36:14,088 Go to holistic wellcare.coach. 701 00:36:14,088 --> 00:36:17,448 I also offer some integrated nutrition coaching as well. 702 00:36:17,868 --> 00:36:20,688 Lots of blogs, like you said, Brent, that are on there. 703 00:36:21,138 --> 00:36:25,881 I can find me on social media on all three of those brands on Instagram, 704 00:36:26,191 --> 00:36:28,361 TikTok, Facebook and LinkedIn 705 00:36:29,331 --> 00:36:29,541 guys. 706 00:36:29,631 --> 00:36:33,201 And we'll have all of Dan's contact and information in the show notes 707 00:36:33,231 --> 00:36:34,851 and in the description as well. 708 00:36:35,181 --> 00:36:38,271 That way you guys can connect with Dan and find out more about what's going. 709 00:36:39,066 --> 00:36:42,576 And see I was enjoying your blogs, like I said, when I was prepping for the show, 710 00:36:42,576 --> 00:36:44,466 so you got some good stuff on there. 711 00:36:44,522 --> 00:36:46,936 It's also formatted as a developer, I also look at it and 712 00:36:46,936 --> 00:36:48,406 go, wow, you formatted that blog. 713 00:36:48,436 --> 00:36:48,946 Really nice. 714 00:36:48,946 --> 00:36:51,106 Like it's just a really clean, pretty on your website, 715 00:36:51,946 --> 00:36:52,156 . Yeah. 716 00:36:52,216 --> 00:36:53,356 Check out the videos too. 717 00:36:53,356 --> 00:36:56,386 There's a thing called Wisdom Nuggets and I have, you know, a bunch of 718 00:36:56,386 --> 00:36:59,951 videos there and I think they're short, so you're not gonna be watching 30 719 00:36:59,951 --> 00:37:01,301 minutes to like four minute things. 720 00:37:01,661 --> 00:37:02,051 Alright. 721 00:37:02,666 --> 00:37:05,636 Dan, I appreciate you taking the time to be here today and being on the show. 722 00:37:06,416 --> 00:37:07,766 Guys, thank you as always. 723 00:37:07,766 --> 00:37:10,826 Be better tomorrow because of what you do today and we'll see you on the next one. 724 00:37:11,576 --> 00:37:14,036 This has been the Fallible Man Podcast. 725 00:37:14,666 --> 00:37:17,936 Your home for everything, man, husband, and father. 726 00:37:18,836 --> 00:37:21,116 Be sure to subscribe so you don't miss a show. 727 00:37:21,986 --> 00:37:28,316 Head over to www.thefallibleman.com for more content and get 728 00:37:28,316 --> 00:37:29,846 your own Fallible man gear.