Bounce Back Better: Resilience for Real Life

Bounce Back Better: Resilience for Real Life

D Brent Dowlen: [00:00:00] The Driven 2 Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving, purpose-filled intentional lives. Have you ever had that week that just seemed like it was out to get you? I mean, just out to get you. I don't get you my pretty, I mean, life is hard. Well, let's face it, more often than not, life is pretty hard.

What if the biggest shield against burnout isn't grit or grind, but a five minute conversation that you've never had? Go on. You see, resilience decides whether you bend or break. So in this episode, we will share practical tactics that will fortify your resilience, letting tough days drain you far less than they would otherwise.

Last week I lost a case to the IRS. They adjusted my tax return by 60%. They fined me. My mom totaled my car and was in this big accident, and my back went out to the point where I couldn't even function. [00:01:00] But we hear things like work harder, dig deeper, grind, build, grit. And to be honest, you probably heard that from me a few times, but that doesn't actually help you if you don't have some context to the tools that help you build the resilience in your life.

So today we're sharing seven tactics I use in my life to help me build resilience that helps, makes weeks like this last one well not seem quite as bad as they could be other way otherwise, and I think they're really gonna help you too. Number one is the personal after action report. This is borrowed from special operations debriefs.

You see, each time you face a setback, whether that's a missed sale, a family conflict, a botched workout, or you don't get to the gym, jot down what actually happened, why did it happen, and what's one thing you would do differently next time. Let me give you an example. I missed a deadline last week. Why?

Because I altered my normal schedule and I procrastinated on a [00:02:00] project while outside of my control. The wreck my mom was in was an unforeseeable time crunch that I couldn't plan for, and because of that procrastination from earlier in the week, it removed any cushion time I had because I had already delayed the project.

No time, no time. I didn't have any extra room in the case of an emergency because I had already procrastinated. So next time that I need to take a day off, I need to plan to work ahead of time ahead of my normal schedule instead of pushing things off or delaying fast. And after action report, you see reviewing these quick factual notes weekly teaches us pattern recognition, and it's a forward focus thinking instead of ruminating on the problem itself.

It also removes the emotional clutter from the arguments that are happening in your head in the heat of the moment, so you can see it more objectively. Our emotional reaction can make the issue way bigger than it [00:03:00] is huge and really greatly shade the way we see it. So with an after action report, you could step away from the emotional part of it and just look at the facts, and this is a great first step.

But we have to get our mind right with number two. Oh, by the way, welcome to the Driven Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting impact for men. I'm your host, Brent D, and we help Maine go from living to thriving purpose field, intentional lives. Now, the after action report will help you frame the issues, but part of that framing is a mindset issue.

So number two is the service lens shift. Now, this is a very simple concept. It's volunteering in roles that expose you to people who routinely navigate hardship. Think food bank intake, food bank intake, hospice visitors, homeless shelter, volunteering, projects like that where you work with people who, well, let's face it, their life [00:04:00] is a little harder than yours probably.

Now regular contract with real adversity will recalibrate what you call a problem. It grounds your perspective and strengthens your empathy, which is a core driver of resilience. For example, my back issues I have are chronic issues. I've fractured my spine two times and it causes quite a bit of pain in my life.

So I regularly watch YouTube videos of para-athletes because I don't personally know any para-athletes. But watching videos of para-athletes who are out there just crushing it, despite that helps me navigate the fact that I'm very blessed to be walking after either one of the incidents that's fractured.

My spine pain is more manageable, even though it is a constant in my life. When I have the perspective of the fact that I'm still blessed to be able to walk, and people with much larger issues than me are not making excuses. They're out [00:05:00] there getting after every day. So coming face to face with real adversity actually removes those first world problems that some of us get lost in sometimes first world problems.

You know, it's really simple to make problems in our lives really big until you actually meet a person with a problem. It's the old saying, I felt bad before because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet. Now, some people will think that maybe that's a little shallow. It's not a matter of, I'm like looking going, oh my life's better than them in a haha kind of way.

It's a appreciating what I have because it comes face to face with real perspective on what problems can actually look like and how blessed I am and helps my gratitude. Now gaining perspective on real averse will make number three actually much more productive. This is where we get into number three, which is a five minute conversation.

Now, I've heard this called several different things, [00:06:00] but it breaks down like this. Very simply find two friends or mentors that will actually be a friend or mentor. I talk to people all around the world all the time, and one of the terms that I hear used in Great Britain and Africa, uh, and in Australia.

On you mate. Mate isn't thrown around as easily as we throw around the term friends. I'm talking. Two actual people that care enough about you to not let you slide on stupid or wallow in your own crap, like these are real friends who also have a positive outlook on life. So when you're struggling with something, connect with them and run the current stressor by those friends who actually care.

Let them ask questions about what's going on Then. Ask them for their take on it. An outside viewpoint from somebody who is removed from [00:07:00] your own emotional influence in the situation will help you see things more clearly and more accurately. Do this with two of your good friends and then do this for them as well when they have knees as well.

This creates this nice dry. Accountability between you and those three FR two other friends where you guys can help each other grow and help each other get accurate perspectives and ideas on what's going on from a more detached situation. You guys obviously care about each other, but. You are not directly, deeply involved, so it removes that emotional impedance.

Social support is actually the number one predictor of resilience, so rapid feedback loops and fresh perspectives along with the comradery make you far less likely to burn out and crumble in difficult times. But one thing that will make all this harder are easier, however, is number four, which is sleep.[00:08:00]

Sleep is actually a core component of resilience. A lot of people don't pay attention to this because they don't think it has anything to do with it, but studies have shown that 40 minutes more or less can affect your gratitude, your life satisfaction, and yes, your resilience by a large amount sleep regulates cortisol in your body, which is the stress hormone hormone.

So just a couple hours of sleep loss can actually increase your cortisol by 37% and keep you in that fight or flight mode. Which is gonna make life much, much more different, difficult. Now you've experienced this in your own life. You've had big issues in front of you or something you are really excited, which is actually almost the same exact thing as.

Anxious, excited, anxious, or almost interchangeable is like fear and excitement are almost interchangeable in the fact of what they do to your body. And so you've had those nights where you are expecting something big. You had a big event the next day or something just recently [00:09:00] happened and you are stressed and you have bad sleep.

Well, bad sleep makes things worse. It lowers your resilience because it increases your stress level. Good sleep often improves your outlook and perspective. Lets you be much more resilient. The more tired you are, the less resilient you become. And you already know this though, so I don't wanna beat a big bed horse, but that's one of the reasons that we partner with MyPillow.

You see, we're a MyPillow house and I have dozens of MyPillow products I use every day. We're proud to have Mike Lindell and MyPillow as sponsors for our show. Sleep is such an important factor in your life. You can go to mypillow.com and use code Thrive for up to 80% off your order, and free shipping on orders over $75 for our listeners, plus whatever promotion they're running right now and they're always running great promotions.

I just bought a whole bunch of sets of new sheets because they have great promotions on sheets right now. So go to mypillow.com and use code Thrive for up to 80% off your [00:10:00] order now. We worked on lowering your stress hormones a little bit and mitigating adversity in the moment and gaining perspective when facing adversity.

But let's build up the tolerance a little more by microdosing microdosing adversity with number five, micro adversity challenges Now. It's a big fancy term for controlled bite-sized discomfort that trains your nervous system to stay calm under pressure, and it's an evidence backed form of stress inoculation.

For example, like once a week, deliberately choose a mildly uncomfortable task. Now, depending on who you are, this is gonna vary wildly. That might be taking a cold shower if you're not a cold shower person. I know it sucks for me giving real time feedback to a colleague 'cause people don't like conflict.

Fasting for a set time. 'cause some people really struggle with fasting and it makes them very uncomfortable finishing that last mile on [00:11:00] foot instead of driving. Yeah, you can be heading home with somebody and get them to drop you for that last mile if you're not a big walker. See, the goal of this isn't bravado is to remind your nervous system that temporary discomfort is survival, survivable, and often brief.

The reason this works is it provides your brain with the evidence that you can in fact, handle the stress, and your brain needs that repeat reminder. So when things are difficult, this creates a proven track record of success. With these microdosing of adversity or microdosing of these challenges, it actually creates this proven track record in your brain of success against discomfort, adversity, and difficulty.

Which allows you to handle bigger issues later. Since your brain already knows that you can handle small stresses, it gives your brain the idea that you can handle big stresses the following. Number six, you can actually implement, [00:12:00] and this will fall in the category for some of you of the Microdosing University.

It will help you with that body chemistry as well. And that's number six, to do a biweekly digital monastery evening. What do you mean doing what? You may not know it, but the impact of all the high screen time lifestyle that we have takes a huge toll on your resilience because it overstimulates your limbic system almost constantly the constant flow of entertainment, whether that's swiping through the phone or watching television.

That constant stimulus to your limbic system. Actually exhaust your limbic system, it makes life too fast, and our brains can only handle so much stress. So choose two week nights each week to power down all your screens at 6:00 PM Say what? Replace doom scrolling on that cell phone. With slow activities, handwritten letters.

I know a lot of people don't know how to do that anymore. I've [00:13:00] never done that before. Try it. It can be to somebody else or to yourself. It can be a crafting activity. It can be reading physical books. What this does is this trains your attention span, which has been shortened by all of the media we watch on a regular basis.

And I say we, 'cause I do it too. This trains our limbic system to. Have a recovery period because during these slower activities. Increases our attention span. It gives our limb system a reliable recovery window, and it helps reset for the rest of the week. Why do I say do two nights instead of one?

Because six nights of heavy screen time will actually undo a one night reset, so you may have to start with one night. I know it can be a major process change for some of you guys in the way you do your nightly week or your weekly routine. Start with one night, but move to two nights as fast as you can [00:14:00] because two nights spaced out will actually allow that system to have the break.

It needs to be stronger and be able to handle adversity better because one night just really doesn't do it with all of the barrage of media we take in all the time, the other six days a week. So give that a try. I know that's going to jump into that micro adversity challenge for some of you guys. To actually take that time out there, but it's worthwhile and it will give you an absolute edge when it comes to building resilience and handling diversity.

Now, here's a daily training for you guys for your resilience capabilities. That won't take much of your time, and it will consistently build that because we already discussed that the brain needs that regular confirmation that you're actually capable of handling uncomfortable situations. So number seven is.

The five minute non-negotiable of the day. Pick one small activity. This is what this really breaks down. Okay? [00:15:00] Pick one. Small physical activity, just one. Maybe it's a plank. Hold the mobility flow. Some breath work, and do it every single day. Whether you're jet lag, sick, slam, fried, unrecovered, overly busy running behind.

Make it the five minute non-negotiable that you fit into your day. This act isn't about fitness. It's proof to your brain that you can keep promises to yourself under any condition no matter what, which quietly starts to rewire your self-trust and resilience in your own mind. For any of you that have been here since the early days of the show, you may remember when I interviewed author Nate Ripkin.

Nate introduced us to the concept of the standing meditation. It's a Daoist meditation position called the Immortal Post. Looks a lot like horse stands for all of you in martial arts if you're not familiar with the immortal Post. But the option, the idea is it's a standing [00:16:00] meditation that is actually very empowering, and we worked on doing it for five to 10 minutes at a day.

I actually got to where I was doing that for 10 minutes every day. It was actually a really amazing experience for myself. Now, this could be employed for you or you could do something like a front leaning rest, AKA, the plank. You could even do a short yoga flow. Whatever fits in your lifestyle and your choice of activities.

Pick one. Just one. Do it for five minutes every single day. Come what may set a time and do it. Having that one thing you do, rain or shine in sickness and health, running late or on time. We'll build resilience consistently. Little by little by little, your brain needs that consistent proof. No matter what, you absolutely can.

The brain is simple. It will, if you show evidence over and over again, it will absolutely believe what [00:17:00] you're telling it or what you're demonstrating to it, which is why negative self-talk is so damaging. But that's for another show. I. Now we've tackled how to build resilience by learning from our mistakes, how to build it by tackling it at a biological level, how to build it through controlled, bite-sized discomfort and repetition.

We even talked about how to train our minds to reframe it and how social support can be our most effective ally in building resilience. Kinda like our mailing list. It gives you tools biweekly to help you build your life that you wanna live. So if you're feeling burnout and overwhelmed, remember the biggest shield against burnout isn't critter grind, but a five minute conversation are some of the other simple solutions that we've discussed here today that you can absolutely go and download on the episode webpage for this episode for free on my website to help you in your journey to building more resilience and managing adversity and burnout in your life.

Be better tomorrow because of what you do today. We'll see you on the next one. The Driven to Thrive broadcast purpose, growth, and lasting [00:18:00] impact for men, helping men go from living to thriving. Purpose-filled intentional lives.