The 1% Who Make Love Last: Putting in the Work Year After Year

[00:00:00] If our audience hears nothing else out of this conversation, what do you want them to take away today? Ready? Yeah, I feel like there's another takeaway. I feel like there's another takeaway. Let's say that and then we'll add on to it. Okay, ready? Three, two, one. The grass is greener where you water it.

Here's the million dollar question. How do men like us reach our full potential? Growing to the men we dream of being while taking care of our responsibilities, working, being good husbands, fathers, and still take care of ourselves? Well, that's the big question. In this podcast, we'll help you answer those questions and more.

My name is Brent and welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast.

Welcome to the Fallible Man Podcast, your home for all [00:01:00] things man, husband, and father. Big shout out to Fallible Nation. That's our private community. There's more about that in the show notes or the description and a warm welcome to our first time listeners. Hey, I know there's a lot out there, so thank you for taking the time to give us a shot.

Please leave us a view, a comment, let us know, reach out to us on social media at The Fallible Man. Tell us what you think of the show. We'd love to hear your opinion. My name is Brent and today my guests are intimacy alchemist Meshack and Annabelle. Meshack, Annabelle, welcome to The Fallible Man podcast.

for having us. It's a pleasure. Thank you. And thank you for jumping with the time differences. This is one of the cool things about podcasting is we can be all over the world and still do these great things. Absolutely. Yeah. We're in this together. So how's your trivia? Ooh, trivia, I don't know. I can't say, I haven't done a trivia quiz of any kind in many years.

It's definitely not our remit. Let's do it, let's do it. [00:02:00] Let's do it, let's go, let's go. Okay, here's the show trivia. Who is generally considered the inventor of the motor car? Is it A. Henry Ford, B. Carl Benz, or C. Henry Leland? We did this the other day with the boys. I don't know if we did this. Now, I'm going to say, I feel like it's a trick question, I think generally considered, however, and that is the question, generally considered it would be Henry Ford.

I think it's generally considered that they said the, is it the sports place at all? The motor car, the motor car car in general, I feel like it's Henry Ford. Who's generally considered that. Okay. Now guys, you know, the rules play along at home. Don't cheat. Don't write. If you're driving, please, that's not safe.

And we'll come back to that later in the show. Now you guys have listened to the show. So, you know, I'm not in introductions. So in your own words today, in this [00:03:00] moment, who is. Me, Shaq, and Annabelle. In this moment. Do you want to go first, baby? In this moment? Yes. We are autonomous beings. We are forever becoming.

We are parents. We are spouses. We are lovers. We are thrill seekers. We are adulting. We are learning. We are unlearning. We're expanding. What else? I feel like you covered it. That was beautifully said. Yeah. That was beautifully said. I don't think I would add anything else. If you won 10 million tomorrow, what would you spend it on?

10 million dollars. Oh, I mean, there's so much that we would break that up into. Wow. Um, there's so much that we would break it up into, but I feel like You'd invest it. We would definitely invest it, but I feel like if we're going for the fun answer, we would finally take the boys to Disneyland. Our sons to Disneyland.

For sure. Yeah. [00:04:00] Without any, without any concerns about, you know, payments of rent or payments of this or payments of that. So that's for sure. And it would be on first, first class. And it would be at a five diamond resort. 100 percent That's for sure. Okay. What is your favorite childhood memory? Do you know what's come up for me?

Randomly. So we were talking about this the other day. So after school, you know, they've got after school programs. It's eating these, um, I don't know what you call them in the U. S., but like these biscuits, digestives. Are you familiar with those? Like a baked biscuit. It's like the most basic one you can have.

With like orange squash. And eating the rim where it was like toasted and dipping it into the squash until it's broke apart. Yeah. What? Wow. And being outside. Yeah, what's my favorite [00:05:00] memory? Being a child, I feel like it's, I, at a point, lived in or dwelt in Kenya, and that was, I had really fond memories in Kenya, and I think that going to school on a boat was a majorly fond memory, going for, because we lived on a little island, and I went to school on another island, so we used to take, as a commute, we used to take a boat, so I feel like that, that's a major memory that comes to mind for me.

Very different. See, and for those of us who are a little more sheltered, I had no idea there were islands around Kenya. Yeah. Yeah, there are. That's, that's amazing. Is that like off the coast or is that on river or? Yeah. Um, I can't remember the exact cause I haven't actually done the geography, like the actual geographical research, but I feel like it's, uh, it's near Mombasa, which is one of the major cities within Kenya.

Yeah. It's on the coast. Yeah, definitely. It's Lamu. That's what the island was, but it's closest to, as [00:06:00] far as like major cities are concerned, closest to Mombasa. Okay. If I was to sit down and have dinner with you guys and like the whole family, what is a funny story your family would tell on you? Oh, God, a funny story.

Tell on us. They'd be talking about us. So imagine my sisters, let's say my sisters or your brother or whoever else were around the table. And they're just cracking up, talking about this occasion between us. Gosh, I didn't, I didn't know there was that time you wore that wig, that ginger wig. There was that.

One of my sister's wigs, and that was for my birthday. That was, I believe, six years ago for my birthday. And we were at my mom's stroke sister's house and my sister has a few weeks and I wore both of them. I wore a black wig and a brown wig like Teen Wolf, but like, yeah, that's true. [00:07:00] I've got pictures to prove this.

I've got pictures to prove this Brent. So maybe I'll send you one after the show.

They would definitely talk about that. Yeah. Oh, thank you for sharing that. That's a great visual. I'm genuinely like Teen Wolf. Annabelle is not exaggerating. That's right. We, we, we all have those great stories. I, uh, there, there is actually photographic evidence of me. Going as a woman for Halloween in high school, in high school, in high school, I had hair all the way down the middle of my back.

So I actually legitimately went as a woman for Halloween, like when I was 17 or something. Was it a woman of notoriety or just a woman, a woman in general? Me and my best friend went as women. We were both, uh, [00:08:00] competitive divers and we both have long hair. And so we went as women. With his girlfriend and the three of us went, went out for Halloween and it was like three, three lovely young ladies, three lovely young ladies having a party.

Just hanging out. I think the more disturbing fact was the Taco Bell manager actually hit on me. Oh my days. Those days are gone, right? Yeah. My Taco Bell manager says. Not generally with the beard, right? It just doesn't. Hey. Hey. It's an interesting world we live in sometimes. But yeah, we'll just send me the picture.

We'll put it in the show notes. Nice little note in there. Download it would be a Google drive link, right? And it'll be download this. Absolutely love to see that. That'd be good. What purchase of a hundred dollars or less have you guys made in the last year that's had the biggest impact on your life?

The [00:09:00] purchase of one hundred dollars or less, I feel like there's, there's quite a few. I wasn't saying pull up bar, but A pull up bar? I've been using my pull up bar every single day for maybe a month and a half since Annabelle got it for me for my birthday. Oh, me and your mum were in cahoots. Yeah. Cause he's, he's really hard to buy for.

So we have to go practical with him all the time and he's been on there like the Hulk. Yeah, so the thing is, when Annabelle says I'm hard to buy for, it's not that I don't appreciate presents, it's more I'm a practical guy, so if, if I'm gonna have a present, I'm gonna use it, so it needs to be something practical as opposed to sentimental.

So I would definitely say that that's been a great present because I use it every single day without fail. And a ring light. A ring light's been great. Which is what we're using right now. Very helpful. Very. How many pull ups were you up to? I'm up to in one goal, wide grip, 15. That's huge, dude. That's, that's like top 1 percent right there.[00:10:00]

Less than 3 percent of the populace actually works out regularly. I'm also a personal trainer. Uh, less than 3 percent of the American, I can say the American, I'd say the, uh, first world nations, uh, less than 3 percent of the general populace works out. Three days a week or more. It's insane. And I'm over here, and we're over here in our bubble because we work out regularly.

Even though we don't have gym memberships, we're just at home training. And it feels like, oh, this is standard procedure and protocol. I feel so much better now. Wow. I feel so much better now. Being able to do 15 consecutive wide grip pull ups, most people can't do one. Fewer people can do three. Once you're at where you can do sets of 10, you're doing great.

And that's the great thing, actually, having done it so consistently now it's more or less like, right, I do my 15 and then I have a short break and then I [00:11:00] can do another 10 shortly after, even if it's on the middle grip and close grip. So it feels good to be building up that conditioning as well. That's awesome.

It's the fallible man, baby. The fallible man. Peas.

Not far behind you. Biggest pet peeves. Oh, biggest pet peeves. Oh my god, I've got so many. Yawning. I don't know what it is. If I can see someone's tongue when they yawn, I literally immediately want to throw up. So we were on the underground, the subway here in London, the underground, and And it happens quite regularly, or more regularly than one would expect, where someone on a, on a full carriage would just be like It's like if you've seen, if you've seen a lion roar in slow motion, it looks like that and it just An animal's like what, why, how, when, where I just can't handle it.[00:12:00]

Yeah. I get it. Like any mouth sounds, sort of like any of that, I literally unfold, I can't do it. Yeah. I would say mine is, after a cooking spree at home, an untended to or unredeemed kitchen. So a kitchen which has onions still on the chopping board. Which has plates and bowls still in it. After everyone's been fed.

Yeah, that's a big pet peeve. And it's because I've actually touted myself a master of cleaning as I go when I cook. So when I witness anything other than that in our household, it really drives me up the wall. Can you tell this is a regular topic of discussion? I can, I can. Oh, that's funny. What's one completely random fact people don't know about you guys?[00:13:00]

I used to have one. Now I don't know. A random fact. I feel like most people don't know that I did my 800 meter swimming badge when I was younger. So when I was about 10 or 11, I did my badge for 800 meters. in front crawl, I believe. It was either front crawl or breaststroke, so I don't think anyone knows that about me.

Mine's not as exciting, but I once saw a porcupine that was about two meters tall. In Ghana, in a zoo. I haven't seen one since. When was that? In the mid 90s? Yeah. I feel like it wasn't two meters tall. I feel like you were really short and you thought it was two meters tall. was probably about half a meter.

No, it was two meters tall because the zookeeper was stood next to him and he was a man. And the only proof I have is that my brother was there with me. So the question, is that a fun fact? It's about the porcupine, or about you, that I saw it. Oh, right. Like I said, there's [00:14:00] no wrong answers.

I enjoyed this part of the show just because I enjoy getting to know people. Oh, I love that, yeah, that was awesome, I love that. So what is one thing everyone should know before we dig into the subject matter for today?

What is something that everyone should know? Yeah, that, um We're not the finished article and we're really passionate about providing tools that work, that are tried and tested. and that what we're talking about is possible for whoever wants it. Because we, we can say that unequivocally because we've been there, we've done it, and we're still there, and we're still doing it, and we know that it does work when you are working.

Yeah. And it's, and it's a practice. All right, guys, we've been getting to know Meshack and Annabelle a little bit, and just who they are and connecting with them. In the next part of the show, we're [00:15:00] going to dive into 1 percent Love. What is it? What does a successful relationship actually look like? We're going to roll to our sponsor and we'll be right back with more from Meshack and Annabelle.

Now, before we go any further, I wanted to share with you guys I don't always tell you how much I love doing my podcasts. Like I passionately love what I'm doing. And one of the things that makes my life better as a podcaster is to work with a company like Grow Your Show. Grow Your Show is a one stop podcast do it all.

Now I use Grow Your Show for my marketing, but Grow Your Show is literally a one stop shop. You can record your episode and just drop it off with them and they take it from there. It's amazing. If you are interested in picking up podcasting as a hobby, or maybe you're looking to expand your business and use podcasting that aspect, talk to my friends over at grow your show.

Adam will take care of you. I guarantee it. I trust him. He's my friend. He's my business. Colleague, and I wouldn't trust anybody else with my show. All right, guys, welcome back. And the first part of the [00:16:00] show, we spent some time just getting to know who Meshack and Annabelle are and seeing them as people and understanding a little bit about them.

And this part of the show, we're going to dive into 1 percent love. What is it? What are we talking about? What does a successful, success, if I can say successful at 6 something in the morning, what does a successful relationship look like? Now, I, we'll, we'll start off guys with just how long have you guys been together?

Mmm, coming up to 20 years. Yeah? 20 years. We've known each other for, 22, 23 years now. Yeah, about to, we're about to go into our 23rd year of knowing each other, but we've been together for nearly 20 and it's been a hell of a ride, that's for sure. An amazing adventure. Good, that's what I was looking for.

What does that mean? Yeah, 20, 20 years we've been together. Okay, well tell us a story. Tell, tell us the story of Meshack and Annabelle. Well, first and foremost, we met in a choir. We are both singers, [00:17:00] still to this day. We still perform regularly. We do a lot of private events, a lot of private parties, all across the world.

And we met, nevertheless, when we were about 15 or 16, in this choir, and we became really good friends. So we were friends for a few years, and then there was this one pivotal night. which changed absolutely everything where we were at a friend's house with a bunch of friends got on a Saturday night as we did went over we're in our late teens at this point and something changed there was a tension in the air tensions rose passions rose and the next thing we knew we were like wait what what what's going on here and that's what began things and Yeah, and then there was a series of ups and downs, and ups and downs.

Make ups and break ups for the first couple of years. Make ups and break ups, and then we decided finally that we were going to be together. There was a lot of growth, [00:18:00] and I think the beautiful thing is, we have had some of our formative and pivotal years together. We've grown up together. And then we entered into, you know, being girlfriend and boyfriend, and then it was fiancé, and then it was spouses, business partners.

And You know, we have parents as well. Parenthood. Oh, God, what a sale. Um, so yeah, that's, that's been the journey. And there's just been a lot of learning, as he said in the unlearning as well, growing into growing apart. Um, and it's a wonderful cacophony of sorts that we have, that we call our life together.

I love, I love that you guys have history. I think some of the most. Prolific couples that you meet have this crazy mix up history where they're together and then they weren't it was good It was not it was we were younger and then we did this and we were with this, right? They have these backstories [00:19:00] of This built a foundation for their for who they are It builds that history together, which I think is incredibly important And, right, 20 years, that's, that's nothing to sneeze at.

I, uh, the, the competitive nature in me went, I, I want to be like, Woooo! You got a seat. Yeah, right. Wow. Congratulations. Right, and that, that's what, that's what blows my mind these days though, right? You go back two generations, and you got couples that have been together 40, 50, 60 years. I understand that.

Long relationships. And now people hit 20 of the years. They're like, Whoa, you've been married forever.

Like, [00:20:00] uh, I went to my parents 45th, man. What are you talking about?

And so that, that is part of the reason we're having this conversation today is there are so many relationships that struggle, right? I don't know if it's difference in the way we're taught or the expectations, but so many relationships. don't have that lasting love. And so you guys talk about 1 percent love website, part of your program.

And so what is 1 percent love? 1 percent love is essentially You know, it's what 99 percent of people are not willing to do in order to maintain the intimacy, the relationship, the joy, the partnership. It's when you see a couple and you see them, they've got that bond, they've got a bond, there's a connection.

And you can't really [00:21:00] put it into words. It's that, it's, it's that kind of, what do they call it in French? I don't even know. But it's the essence of that togetherness, that connection. Um, with a couple. Yeah, and also when, when people see this type of love between a couple or those who are in a partnership, they say, Wow, how are they so in tune?

How are they so connected? What is it that they've done to generate or acquire this type of love? I want that. What do I need to do? So it's that type of love. And Annabelle said, as Annabelle said, that really comes from being the 1 percent who are willing to do what it takes to Go the distance with each other and have it all with each other.

Now guys, let's be really clear. With the audience, we're not talking that nauseating puppy dog Crap you see in the first year or two like those those new couples and that puppy dog phase that is like mauling each other all the time in public and [00:22:00] Making cutesy baby noises at each other and coming up with a plea.

This is not what we're talking about Yeah, this is, and, and that's what I was about to get onto. This is the, you know, the people that are able to say, I love you, but I don't like you right now, but I love you and because I love you, I'm willing to work on it. It's going through the grievances and understanding each other and knowing that you're united in where you're going, not necessarily where you're at right now.

And it's choosing each other over and over again. When you can't stand each other, when, you know, when one of you's not having a good time, you When one of you are having a great time, it's celebrating together and also needing space, but knowing that like, we're a team. It's that, that's the difference. And you know, there's a place for the gooey gooey thing, but you know, it has a sell by day.

And we didn't want to hear that when we first got together, but it definitely has a shelf life. Yeah, it has a shelf life. And it definitely has a self by sell by day. [00:23:00] If you don't have the framework and your structure in place. to enable yourselves when you meet the, or when you go past the honeymoon period, as they've termed it, if you don't have the framework and tools to get you past that point and into a new iteration of your relationship or sacred union, then that puppy dog, puppy eyes, or whatever you would call it, that is definitely gonna have a sell by date.

We've found that the reason, one of the reasons why we can term it 1 percent love is because Even though we still go through the same issues that people go through we've been able to and this is why we call ourselves intimacy alchemist We've been able to alchemize or transmute or transform the experiences We have yeah And actually enable us to get back into a real intimate space where there are times and seasons where we do have that That real touchy feely thing doesn't happen every season Right?

There are seasons where it doesn't, doesn't happen. But, we're a lot more intentional about what we're [00:24:00] crafting and creating with each other now, as opposed to before. Yeah. And that's what 1 percent love really is. It's like, you know, when you have a disagreement with someone, and then, I don't know how many people think like this, but it's like, okay, if we can get through and past this, with understanding and listening of each other.

We could be stronger, it's that, and knowing actually that we have that. We actually are like, okay, we're gonna have this bit, we recognize it as a speed bump, and on the other side of it, there's growth, and it's like, we've got more armor now for the next one. That's what it is, it's choosing, and that's where we choose each other over and over again.

I like that terminology that we choose each other daily and over and over again. And, and I feel, I feel like the, you know, before I get bagged on for being the, I hate love guy. Okay.

There's a fine line between that obnoxious puppy dog love. Because I've been accused of not being able to be around my wife without touching her. [00:25:00] And to me, I was like, thank, thank you. I'm not really sure how to, that's a negative, but right after 22 years of marriage, I still, if we're in the same room, if we're anywhere close to each other, and it doesn't have to be a Like sexual touch.

It's a, I want to, I'll have my hand on her hip or on her shoulder. Uh, touching her hand. Like I can't be around her and not be touching her. And so let me be really clear. I'm talking about that smoochy smoochy. And I love, I love couples have been together for years that still kiss in public and hold hands in public.

And they, you can see they're together. They want to be together. I'm not talking about that guys. I'm talking about that obnoxious teenage nonsense. Where you're just following each other in public, there is a difference, right? There's some, uh, maturity, right? We start to learn at some point that that's just not what you do in general [00:26:00] public.

Now, what you do behind closed doors, right? When you walk through your house, if you can't help them all each other, great. I'm glad there's that much intimacy and that much excitement wherever you are in your marriage. Right. You know, let me just let me clarify that because I feel like I'm gonna get a lot of hate and like Oh, he hates love.

No I I adore my wife and I can't help but be want to be with her and touch her and be near her But I just I I walk around right and you see and we all see it You go to the store and you're like, there's that Those teenagers making out, like, over a cart as they're walking through, uh, Walmart in London.

Oh yeah. Did you say Walmart? Yeah. Yeah. No, we've got Asda here. Asda. So Asda was, was owned by Walmart. I don't know if it still is, but it was at one point. But I have seen that ad for literally just last week, didn't I? [00:27:00] Yeah. They were killing each other. I was like, get a room! I was happy for them. I was happy for them.

Yeah, yeah. That's why I didn't want to come off too harsh. It's like, no, I love couples that have been together for 10, 15, 20, 30, 40 years that just are still so passionately, and they saw that physical, like, draw to each other where they want to be touching and they want to be kissing. It's so cute. Like, you've seen all Old couple kissing in public.

I'm just like, Oh, That's so cute. Oh my gosh. My favorite. Yeah. Yeah. You've got an image of that. It's my favorite. Literally. I have, I have a picture of an old couple on the planet for such a long time. They're both wearing yellow American apparel and I'm just like, Oh, I'm, I'm always looking at couples though.

Right. Yeah. I, I look at, I just laugh. Uh, it's, it makes me smile. I was like, I hope that I am still that passionate in my marriage. Yeah. That many years down the [00:28:00] road. I look at that as something like, that's, that's, that's a goal right there. Work towards, I want you to always look at my spouse and be like, yeah, baby.

I married her. I feel like I'm worse. Yeah, I get it. I totally get it. No, it's just You need to really develop yourself consistently because I feel like when you're consistently developing yourself, and we've heard you talk on your previous episodes about the importance of, and I remember even you talking about that, it's like, if you're improving yourself, developing yourself consistently Yeah.

Then naturally that, that essence of attraction is always going to be present where you're going to be looking at each other and thinking, Oh my goodness, like, wow, I made it big because this individual is committed to their self growth is committed to the expanding and becoming more refined, if you will.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh, it's [00:29:00] crazy is right. People don't understand relationships or work. It's a choosing every single day to put in the effort. And the intention and the lapse, I, I, I'd say, I, I'd say in the gym firm, right, it's, it's, it's putting in the reps. Yes. Every single day. Yep. I get that reference. Yeah, we, we always refer to it as a practice.

Our sacred union at 1 percent Love is a practice. Yeah. You're consistently practicing. You're never the finished or definite article. Every new day or new week or new month or new year brings a new challenge or a new mountain to, to ascend to or mountain summit to ascend to. Yep. And you're practicing that you're improving your, your muscle memory and all these other things.

And it's, and that's, and that's the space we talk about, especially with people that intimacy is built. So sometimes people think of intimacy is like sexual, but the intimacy, there's safe, there's, um, the [00:30:00] intimacy of safety of saying or sharing something with your partner. with your lover, as we refer to everybody, and having them actually hear you, actively listen to you, and then the intimacy of being a good receiver, a good recipient of the information.

Now, that's something we're still practicing, but once it clicked, it's like, oh, if I can feel safe to share in my sacred union, and if I can practice receiving what's been told to me, then we win, then we, I feel safe. That's so intimate. It just, it raises the, the vibration between the both of you. And there's just something so beautiful about that.

And of course it manifests itself in the bedroom or wherever else, but intimacy, there are so many little areas in which you build it up every single day, like not reacting, you know, badly when you hear something that your partner shared that's hard for them to share that may have, you know, in everyday societal circumstances may have been like really hard.

And sitting and just, and [00:31:00] listening and be a, and a good steward and a good house for what's being shed. Once we got that, you know, whilst we were cultivating what we have now, it was like, Oh, okay, I feel safer now, so I want to give more of myself. So that's where the intimacy is built in those little moments.

Now you guys use the term sacred unions. Let's, uh, let's dig into what do you mean when you say sacred unions? In a nutshell, the reason why we distinguish a sacred union of 1 percent love from standardized phrasing of relationship or relationships is because we've ascertained through our experience that it is It takes something more than just saying you're in a relationship.

It takes more than that. It takes having a vision for each other. It takes having a vision for your union. It takes you being able to identify what you're [00:32:00] both committed to and then choosing to ultimately aim to have it all together. That's all the intimacy, the connection, the adventure, the fun. And consistently go, almost create this framework where you're going around Seasonally in the cycle of experimentation where you're seeing what you want next in your sacred union You're seeing what you want to experience You've created as Annabelle said that vulnerable safe space where you can share your your most intimate dreams and fantasies and stuff and the reason why we call it a sacred union of 1 percent love because That takes a level of intention that on a standard level.

We don't see generally in relationships there's a lot of in a lot of cases a lot of nonchalance and negligence that come from simply saying, right, we're in a relationship, or I'm in a relationship, but in distinguishing it as a sacred union of 1 percent love, we almost have to rise to the occasion. We have to say, well, we said that.

[00:33:00] Sacred unions of 1 percent love are defined by this, this, this. We, as a characteristic, say we want to have it all. We say we can have it all, and therefore, we've got to be something distinct as well. Yeah, and just even having the word sacred in there, this is not regular. This is something has to be protected from the outside.

The world may be going on out there with all its kind of, you know, lions and tigers and bears, but inside here is safe. Inside here is exactly as we build it. And we built it for our elevation, for our safety, for our intimacy, and it is a sacred space. Yeah. There's never anything from the outside in we'd allow to disrupt what we've built inside the sacredness of the, of the relationship.

So that's why we refer to it as a sacred union. And also, I'm really passionate about and, uh, a fan of etymology. And looking at the root, and etymology is the study of the history and origin of words. And looking at The word sacred, it has the same root as sacrifice. And there's a level of [00:34:00] sacrifice, and it's not, uh, an undesirable sacrifice.

It's actually a joyous sacrifice that we're making. We're making this sacrifice to, as you put it in one of your previous episodes, humbling ourselves, being humble enough to say, I don't know it all. I can learn something from my lover. In fact, my lover, in fact, I've said this many times, this Union is the greatest self developmental project that we can work on because it, I've got eyes and ears from someone who loves me in the same way that I love myself.

I've got eyes and ears on me that enable me to keep on expanding as a being. So there's a sacrifice that comes with the sacredness as well.

Are all of you listening sold that these two like each other?

Have we made the point? Have you gotten it? Uh, I, I laughed so [00:35:00] hard when I was doing the research and the prep for the show after we started emailing back and forth and I was looking at your website and uh, enjoying what you had there and looking at the way you guys define things and the way you talked about that 1 percent love where it's just like, you know, so obvious you look at the couple and you're just like, wow, whatever they've, they've figured something out.

Right. They, they just, They, they, I don't know what it is, but they figured something out and I love it. Right. I want that in my relationship. And I was, I was reading through all that. I was like, okay, that sounds good on the website, blah, blah, blah. But now just talking to you guys for the last little while.

I was like, okay, I get it now. They, they really are like, they're together on this in so many ways. And that that intimacy of y'all's relationship comes through when you are like [00:36:00] talking together on the show and relating the way you are in tune with each other and sync with each other. It really shows through now.

Here's some of the guys listening. They may be like. Right? Yeah. This is

and that's the truth of it. That's the truth of it. I love you guys are talking about that. The choosing intimacy, the little, the little choices that you choose, right? The, the secrets, the conversations, the, the holding space for each other to be able to say something and not react badly. Right? There are so many little pieces that are so critical to a really healthy relationship.

And I love listening to you guys talking about it because you're you're hitting all those marks going yes yet and it's like we don't we don't sell that right you that doesn't sell in Hollywood that doesn't sell [00:37:00] on shows right I I have two daughters so I watch a lot of Disney movies I'm watching less these days because Disney is doing some weird crap but Yes, it is indeed.

Uh, but one of the things, Frozen cracked me up, like, Frozen made me laugh out loud, actually. Mm hmm. Because Elsa comes to Anna and is like, We're getting married! She's like, You just met him! I love that! I love that narrative in there. I, I actually, like, literally laughed out loud, because Disney finally said the quiet part that every adult has been saying for years.

It's like, You've known each other for like two minutes. Literally. Y'all never had any conversation. Uh, well, Prince Charming and Snow White. He kisses a dead chick in a coffin and they go off and live happily ever after. It's like, this is what's happening. But you know what, Brent? You've hit something.

You've hit, you've [00:38:00] hit on something really important that this is the reason why, or at least partially the reason, programming wise. It's part, it's partially the reason why so many relationships break up prematurely. Now this is not saying that every single partnership that, that is established is meant to last forever.

But most folks are jumping off the wagon way too early because they think, Oh, it didn't, it didn't happen. The happily ever after thing didn't happen. Why is it that we've fallen out of love? It's because it's work. And it's self work. Self work indeed. What we always say is that we are also the love of our own lives.

Like, there are, and especially to anyone who's listening who's single, it's like would you date you? Would you want to go the distance with you? Do you know that you're, you know, there's so much that's untapped in you. That relationship with you have with yourself is the same self you're going to give to your friends, your family, your co workers, your children.[00:39:00]

It's the same, so you have to keep pouring into yourself so you're able to give. You can't give away what you don't have. So that whole thing of like, I don't, we don't really subscribe to looking for the other half and now I'm complete. It's like, You're taking your both your separate worlds and you're choosing to have them alongside each other and that sometimes doesn't look pretty Like in year 10 we went through it We were passing ships in the night in the same house and that thing of being able to blame the other over and over again without first looking inside and saying Where am I actually contributing to this?

Have I got any limited beliefs that I keep subconsciously bringing into my union that's actually like tripping both of us up? It's such, that's the work. So, and you know, we can laugh and joke now but you know, year 10 was rough for us. We literally almost called it a day. But when we realised that we loved each other and that we were going to have to do work we had to figure anything we'd ever [00:40:00] heard or we'd ever seen.

And also I mean, I can speak for myself and I think I can speak for you when I say this maybe that we also had to see each other with new eyes. We had to see that we are not the 18, 19 year olds that we got together as. This is a woman. The woman that I'm looking at is a woman. She's a mother of two. She has big dreams.

She's creative. She's intelligent. She's intuitive. I need to start looking at her from the perspective of this womanhood now and yeah, and that really helped me to see her in, in a light where I wanted to be the best man for her. I didn't want to coast in any way, shape or form. And obviously going back to what you were saying, maybe about being the best.

for yourself. And I think I've heard you say this as well, Brett, in previous episodes. It's about being the very best version of yourself for yourself, because you love yourself that much. And that will certainly spill out into your sacred duty. I love it. Guys, we've been discussing 1 percent [00:41:00] love. What is it?

What does a successful relationship look like? You know what we even delved into some extra here and just had some really kind of conversation about. There's a lot of work in a successful relationship. That's what it looks like. Uh, and I love the vulnerability of that. You know, in year 10, it was struggles.

Every couple I know who's made any distance in their marriage will say there's a, there's a season or multiple seasons where it's like, wow, I don't know if we're gonna make this, right? So in the next part of the show, we're going to dive into how to build more intimate relationships with your partner.

We're going to roll our sponsor. We'll be right back with more from Meshack and Annabelle. How well do you sleep at night? Do you toss and turn and wake up more tired than when you went to bed? Sleep is commonly one of the critical elements people fall short on in their life. The quality of sleep you get directly affects your ability to control your weight, your ability to add muscle, your stress levels, and your everyday job and life performance.

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Now let's go on to the show. All right, guys, welcome back. In the last part of the show, we were discussing 1 percent love. What is it? What is a successful, successful? I just can't say that word today. Relationship actually really look like, what does it entail? How does it work in this part of the show?

We're going to dive into how you can build a more intimate relationship with your partner, your spouse, whatever term you want to use. How can you build that real intimacy that helps your love stay in the test of time? And we, we touched on this a little bit, right? We've been talking about the realistic way that relationships work, but we have men listening right now.[00:43:00]

And some women, I do have some women listeners. Uh, thanks ladies. I appreciate that. I like to look at my demographics and go, Hey, look, a couple of women actually do listen to me. But we have people listening right now and they're looking at their own relationships going I'm in a good spot, but I want to be in a better spot because my relationship matters or my relationship is Struggling right?

We're going through that difficult season. And so I really want to dig into You guys suggestions on building that intimacy and you, you talked about, uh, Annabelle, multiple levels of intimacy. And I think a lot of times we get lost. We hear that term intimacy. And the first thing that comes to mind is sex.

And honestly, sex is one form of intimacy, but there are so many forms of intimacy. So I'm glad you said that. That contribute to that part of the relationship as [00:44:00] well. How do we build that intimacy that really connects us with our partner? Well, and that's such a, I'm so excited by this question. So if I can cost.

yourself, the listeners, back to year 10 for us. What we had to do after we realized that we were in a really rubbish, and we're gonna use clean English, rubbish space, was then look at, okay, what does our rela What do we want our relationship to look like? So, previously, our relationship had consisted of the expectations of society, the expectations of family, what we'd seen in the films, as we'd said.

And we had one of the most freeing conversations we'd ever had. and I sat and I listened to this man share what he thought the relationship would look like for him to enjoy it, for him to feel like it was grubbing, and I was given the room to do the same. And then we literally began painting by numbers in various areas, career wise, personally, [00:45:00] as parents, as, you know, spouses.

We broke everything down. Because what happens is, when a relationship's broken down, those little Those little spaces that we spoke about as the intimacy of, you know, communication, of sex, of, you know, wellness, all of those places had been neglected. So what happens if you neglect something? Garden, gym, workout, everything starts to soften and just slowly break down.

So we had a conversation about what our relationship would look like at its best, at its most functional. What places in the world do we want to go and visit? You know, what foods did we want to try? How did we want to be spoken to? How did we want to dress? We broke everything down, because everything was a mess.

And from there, it became work, and then it became fun. And we practiced, again, that practice of like, okay, well, I want to try this. And it was listening and watching my lover fill up [00:46:00] and light up at what he wanted to do. And that, that's literally carrying us through, it's carried us through beyond, you know, this extra 10 years we've had, which has taken us up to 20 years.

And the intimacy from that, that vulnerable space that we had, I mean, I always say, we got here through blood, sweat, and tears, quite literally. Um, and it was having that, and it's, and, you know, every season, one thing we say in 1 percent Love is with every season of yourself, take your love with you. And what that means is, in this season, things might be really hard financially.

In this season, things might be really hard mentally. And what happens is our lover ends up loving the last version of ourselves, the last iOS. And then they say things like, Oh, you're not the person I used to know. You know, I don't love you anymore because you're not this person. And it's sometimes going, well, who is in front of me?

And how [00:47:00] did this person get here? And it's consolidating who you are and why. And they're going, okay, cool. Now I know who you are, let's go into this next season. Rather than dragging this person that they're not anymore through the marriage, calling it a marriage because you live together or you share a friendship circle.

No, that's not it. You've got to consolidate who they are. There may have been things that each of you have experienced which have hardened your heart or softened your heart. And you need to be able to One, feel safe enough to share that, and two, be brave enough to walk through the next season now knowing who this person is.

So that's another thing that's really pivotal in having a sacred union that is strong and built, and it's a practice of those things. It's like a thing. I'm not this person anymore. My lover is not this person anymore. They're this person. And adding to that. And I would say, Brent, just to add on to what Annabelle said, and you said that [00:48:00] beautifully, baby, it was so expansive, is this, that the, there's a real important emphasis on self work.

We can't stress that enough. If one of you, and we talk in our Sacred Union Secrets, the first Sacred Union Secret is foundation. It's about building or rebuilding a blueprint, building or rebuilding a foundation in your relationship. So that goes back, you're going back to the drawing board and you're identifying your values.

You're identifying your needs and your desires and you're being clear on what you're committed to based on those, those, the conclusions you've come to. But the emphasis on self work can never be over emphasized because if one of you, particularly as a core value base, is committed to growing, is committed to, has a growth mindset, and is consistently looking at the next way they can improve themselves, but the other one has more of a fixed mindset and feels like they've learned everything they need to [00:49:00] know, they are the way they are, they are, their, their mental or emotional constitution is the way it is, they can't.

affect it, can't transform it in any way. You're fighting a losing battle, so I would say as a starting point, you have to both be committed to self work. If you're to get the type of love we're talking about, if you just want the run of the mill relationship that, you know, is kind, it's all right, it's decent, that's not what we're talking about.

What we're talking about is at every point, you're able to reinvent yourself and your sacred union so that You have levels of intimacy that you didn't have in the season before or the season before that. You're able to face every breaking point and every breakdown and say there's something in this.

There's a breakthrough on the other side of this and there could only actually be a breakthrough with this breakdown and breaking point. So let's work [00:50:00] together on the same team in order to get to the breakthrough. And in fact, that's one of our mantras, our mantra, which has served us so well over the last 12 years of being married.

Is I love you and we're on the same team. We say that regularly. We have said that regularly over the years and we've actually created a formula out of that. So yeah, but a formula beyond that, which is. Yeah, just something that we go deeper with on that point. But I love you, and we're on the same team.

We're, look, we're, we've got the same vision. We are in this together. In spite of the way it feels right now, let's say, hypothetically, you're having a breakdown. You are at breaking point. All right, this feels terrible at the moment. It feels horrible. I hate what I'm feeling right now. I know that there's a mutual commitment to seeing what's on the other side of this.

That can only really come from a self work centered place when you're both about this self [00:51:00] work. So, I would say that in addition to what Annabelle said as well. What do you guys tell your clients to avoid, right? As much as we have the list of do's, right? Things that are essential to building that relationship.

You guys work with couples. What are the essential don'ts that you see that are just dragging relationships down? That's such an interesting one because The couples we tend to work with are ones that are willing. They, they tend to be couples that, they know that everything's a mess, but they're willing to do something that they, that is not obvious to them.

So what we try to do is avoid blaming each other. We emphasize a lot on looking at what the problem is and how both parties are contributing to that. Even if it's a 70 30 thing, because we have to deal with what's in [00:52:00] front of us. So there, I guess in that way, there are more leaning towards the do's than the don'ts.

But equally, you touched on a great point there, baby, that don't look at them as if they're the contri contributing party. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule. where you do have some real imbalances in relationships, where there are abusive relationships and stuff. We're not talking about that. As a gen on a general base of scale, most folks on most relationships have two contributing parties.

Which are affecting the way the relationship's going so the first thing that we would say don't do is don't point the finger at them As if you haven't contributed to this you've contributed just as much if not more In fact, I like to say this and that we live in a realm in our universe of paradox and polarity, right?

So this isn't an absolute statement, but statement, but I like to say this I've I'm the reason why my [00:53:00] relationships like this Good or bad, I am the reason why. And I like taking that stance because it, it, it keeps me powerful. If I keep on shifting the blame, and my way of being is intimating that I'm not, uh, I'm not the reason why things are the way they are, then naturally I'm actually in a powerless position.

So don't be powerless by sh by pointing fingers. Look at yourself, look at how you're contributing an impact in the relationship, because that is the only way that you're gonna actually be able to make a difference. And that is, we never ever paint that as an easy thing. It feels uncomfortable and we're always, always Very, very big on saying, look, it feels uncomfortable, but that's just what it is.

That is what it is. Sorry, I'm just getting the charger on. Um, that's what it is. So we, and that's where we'd encourage the couples we work with to practice [00:54:00] that, that looking at themselves, that uncomfortability going, oh, I can see where I've actually, in my silence, or even in where I've been vocal, where I've contributed.

Now guys, if this is resonating with you, if you're really getting something out of this, Be sure it helps out, leave us a review, tell us that you enjoyed this episode, that it's helping you, that you're taking something away from it, uh, leave us a comment on whatever platform you are, click that like button, if you happen to be on YouTube, all that good social media nonsense, I'd love to hear what you have to say about this show, you guys know I hate that part of this, uh, it's, it's like the pain in my existence, putting this social media nonsense out there, um, what are three steps?

That our listeners can take away from this conversation to start implementing building a more intimate and connected relationship with their partner. [00:55:00] The first thing is always either start from the drawing board, if you're starting your relationship or in the early stages, or if you've been in your relationship for a considerable amount of time, go back to the drawing board.

Simple. Identify your values. What do we mean by values? That which inherently is important to you, not the type of stuff where it's like, Oh, that's important to me. Oh, that's important to me. No, actually, what is it that makes you tick? And this comes with some self analysis and contemplation, right? Which is why we're so big on the software, because if you don't know yourself, you're not actually going to be able to be able to identify those things.

So it takes some experimentation, but it means you both coming to the drawing board and identifying and sharing This is actually what makes me tick. This is really important to me at a core level. Like if this isn't on it, if this core important aspect of myself isn't on it, I don't know if we can survive this and vice versa.

And that [00:56:00] honesty is very important because it puts you in a very strong starting position. So there's that as a first thing. Do you want to add a second? I was going to talk about the disagreement. So we reframe disagreements as opportunements. So they're an opportunity in the moment to look at what keeps coming up as a disagreement and how you're disagreeing about the thing.

So if there's something that keeps reoccurring and you keep disagreeing about this thing, that's a topic of discussion that you need to make time to discuss in your sacred union. The second is Your lens. So my lens of Meshack is that he's capable, that he loves me, that he's on my team, that he's understanding.

If my lens or my view of him is that he's committed to misunderstanding me, he ain't put a dirt on the back of my shoe, you know, how I talk to him, that, that energy is going to be in there. So I have to look at, you know, if this disagreement keeps coming up, how is that I actually view the person that I say I love every day?[00:57:00]

And it's about really, really being honest about that and communicating that and as to why. Oh, I actually think of you like this, and it stemmed from that time where you didn't hold the door for me. Yeah. Or you finished my food even though I said I was hungry and I was tired. Like, it could be silly little things like that.

But you know, in saying that, it is very important for everyone listening to know, if you're not aware that what Annabelle just said about it stemmed from this little thing. Don't discount or don't underestimate those little moments in the past in your relationship or in the past with in other relationships or friendships where something's happened and it's created a trigger point within you that now you bring it into this new space and you're getting triggered by your lover in this new space thinking it's them when in fact it's that which is which is rooted in that little moment before but they remind you of it based on what they say what the way they Look the way they the expression they give so really this is about again self worth self [00:58:00] evaluation really going in to see Right.

What are my triggers? What are my emotions? How do I react or respond to my feelings and one of my favorite quotes? Although I'm sure I've got many one of them is that and this is particularly for the men out there but not limited to the men is Emotions make wonderful servants, but they make terrible masters He tells that to our sons often and it's a very important one Because our emotions are the way through which we're able to manifest many powerful things.

But if we allow them to, if we subject ourselves to them and we allow them to be our master, they run rampant. So it's so important to be the master of your emotions or feelings and not the servant of them. So that's reframing the disagreements as opportunities to look at what's actually going on. And then the third.

It's talking about the lens. The lens. So that's kind of 2. 3, 2. 2. Yeah, and then I gave the first, which is about [00:59:00] identifying values. So we've got three there. Yeah, the lens is identify how you and your relationship, sacred union, are viewing your lover. What lens is it that you're viewing them through? And once you look at that, you can then almost adjust the energy that you, you, you Start conversations with the way you broach difficult subjects, the way you celebrate the way you share really, really monitor and take stock of how you are viewing your lover.

And that's a huge one. Yeah. And remember, it's a mutual practice. You're both looking at each other and communicating with each other. Maybe we're on the same team. I love you. We're on the same team, let's practice this. Let's treat it as the biggest game we've ever played and let's practice this and practice to win the competition.

What's next for Mishaq and Annabelle? Any big projects coming along? Well, it's, it's about really being able to have more [01:00:00] conversations like this, being able to speak to folks that we've never spoken to and really make a difference. We really want to make a difference. In fact, we, when we, prior to getting into this game of intimacy, alchemy, and 1 percent love, We vowed never to share our relationship with outsiders because we didn't want any infiltration of energy to take place.

We didn't want any outside influence to come and disrupt things. So we said, no, we're going to keep it to ourselves. But there were a few real serendipitous moments with friends. And we've been asked for many years how we are able to connect the way we do, et cetera, on how we've been together for so long.

And we've shared, but actually there were a few serendipitous moments within the last year where we were like, no, we need to start sharing this. So I think ultimately there are many big dreams and goals and aspirations we have, but we want to make a difference to people. And if that is. on, in conversations like this, or if it is within our program, the main thing is that people feel like, right, I've got something [01:01:00] and they can say, wow, 1 percent love.

I'm actually a 1 percent lover. Yeah. I'm actually a 1 percent lover. We want to provide people with something that, if we'd had this in year 10, as it is now, and the systems that we've created, we would have got here a lot faster. So that's what we want to be able to give to everyone. We initially wanted it for our sons.

You know, we're very big on legacy. What do we leave behind? And we just wanted them to know how to talk to people, how to talk to themselves. But to know that we can hand a blueprint and a system that has been tried, tested, and works to people all over this planet warms our hearts. That makes us even more passionate.

Sorry about that. Even more passionate about our message. So that's big. So we want to, we want to connect with more people like ourselves all over the world who want to, you know, we want to do retreats. We want to meet other 1 percent lovers across the world. Yeah. And just connect and share and grow this community.[01:02:00]

Where's the best place for people to connect with you? Instagram. Primarily as it stands. We also have our website, which you've all obviously mentioned, Brent, which is at, which is the spoonerstate. com. Oh, so that's the spoonerstate. So folks, anyone who's watching, you can see how it's spelled there. That is me.

I just cut my hair off. Yeah, exactly. And then our Instagram handle is at the spoonerstate with the same spelling. T H E S P double O N E R. S T A T E. Don't regret what we've got. People mowing the lawn outside. I know. My neighbors do it at the worst time, right? It's pitch black outside. It's 340 here, it's pitch black, and we've got someone mowing the lawn.

I go, about the time I go to my backyard to try and relax, like, I enjoy cigars. So, when I really need to just tune out for, like, an hour, like, actually, truly take a break. [01:03:00] I'll, I'll go have a cigar every now and then, and I'll go to my cigar, and it might be evening or midday or like, but whenever it's like, it's like magic.

I light my cigar to sit down and try and relax. My neighbor's like turns on his air compressor and starts doing stuff and it's just how it happens, right? It's not just you guys. It's, it's everywhere. It's amazing. It's another, another day in paradise. So sorry, sorry guys. And guys, we'll have all of their links down in the show notes or description, whatever platform you're enjoying this on.

I promise we will have ways for you guys to connect with them. I doubt this will be our last crossover. Now, I know this is what you were really concerned about. Who is generally considered the inventor of the motor car. You said Henry Ford. The answer is Carl Benz

I believe so I'd have to I'd have to verify that so don't quote me, but I believe that [01:04:00] yeah Okay, so hey, you know what I if I if I wasn't the guy asking the question I would have guessed Henry Ford too Cause in America, it's, it's Henry Ford, right? That's, that's what everybody, the model T right.

Everybody knows that stuff. Now, guys, I want you to take us out. If our audience hears nothing else out of this conversation, what do you want them to take away today?

Yeah, I feel like there's another takeaway. I feel like there's another takeaway. Let's say that, and then we'll add on to it. Okay, ready? Three, two, one. The grass is greener where you water it.

I love it. I love it. You guys are, it's so cute. You guys are in so much of a sync. Guys, thanks for hanging out with us today. Thanks for giving us a chance. I hope you enjoyed the show. [01:05:00] Be sure to reach out and connect with Meshack and Annabelle. We'll have all that for you. Be better tomorrow because what you do today, and we'll see on the next one.

This has been the fallible man podcast, your home for everything, man, husband and father, be sure to subscribe. So you don't miss a show head over to www. thefallibleman. com for more content and get your own fallible man gear.